To think that most people like their families(of origin)?

[ThisGoldHedgehog]

That’s just it, really. From reading posts on here, one would be forgiven for thinking that most people had fraught relationships with their parents and/or siblings. I understand that this is self selecting (nobody is likely to post about how great their relationship with their mum/dad/brother/sister is), but was just wondering.

In addition to loving my family, I actually just really like them all. My parents are lovely, my brothers are amongst my best mates. They’re nice people and I enjoy having them in my life. My DH and his family are similar, as are most people I know.

So, how do you feel about your family (of origin)? AIBU to think that most people quite like theirs?

I'm not in contact with any of my parents' families - cousins, half-siblings, ancient aunts, etc. A few I actively loathe, and the rest just indifference.

NC with my family, I don't even hate them, I just nothing them.

@ThisGoldHedgehog , I loved them with all my heart. I devoted my life to my parents for years while they were ill. I carried my brother and family for decades and I had worshipped my much older brother. I thought my family was perfect and the my dear brother shat on us all. 🤷‍♀️

My parents are/were wonderful people; loyal, loving, kind, helpful people who would move heaven and earth for their kids and grandchildren. My sibling is vile and I have no desire for her to be in my life. I’m quite close to my mum and dad’s families too. But I would happily never see my sibling again.

Consider yourself lucky OP, we don't all get lovely parents and siblings.

No they're the worst.

To those who do have loving, supportive parents - you have no idea how lucky you are

No.

My partner has the sort of relationship you describe with his family though, and I really like them all, though it does make me feel a bit sad sometimes to see how easy their care for each other seems to be. I would have loved to have that when I was growing up.

Do you think people post about their abusive families for the fun of it, OP?

What a pointless thread.

I cannot even begin to imagine how that’s what you got from the post.

Nobody is making you waste your time on my pointless thread.

Dear goodness you are so fortunate. Some times people don't see what their family is or has done to hurt them so could go round saying how much they love them. I've been in counselling for years and that helped me realise how messed up it was. I get on well most the time with my mum and she does alot to help me with various things. But the sad truth is my family are narcissists. That is not me loosely using the word either. I am not one but I have had to learn alot regards how to be a good parent. I know exactly what not to do put it that way.

I was taken into care because my family were so bad. You're very lucky if you have a nice family.

I have a lovely loving family and IL's side are lovely as well. I am well aware how lucky we are and that it is not the case for everyone.

Most of the people I know have difficulties with their siblings/parents. The ones with the loving, supportive family are not the norm. For me the families refusal to deal with anything at the time has left a big festering mess of denial and silencing.

'Family's'

I guess I love them, I certainly like them all, we have various things in common so I prefer to deal with them separately, e.g. dad and cricket, holidaying with younger sister, moaning with middle sis, gossip with mum , but on mass they are a bit much.

There’s an odd gloating from people who have healthy family dynamics. Almost like they understand how awful it must be for those who don’t and can’t help but boast about their luck.
Only second to the misery of having a shit family is having to justify to others why it’s not your fault and you really aren’t making it all up

Yep, or the assumptions that it must be something you did.

I love my daughters and Grandkids with every being in my body.. they are my world.. we are very close and see each other a few times a week.( live very near by in same city)
Go out together etc etc.
I also love my sisters and see them often.
( Parents passed away but saw them every week).
I'm divorced.

Certainly my post wasn't intended to be smugness others have easier relationships with their families than I do. But those of us of who basically function shouldn't be made to feel bad either.

The first post on the thread kind of indicted that. I have semi detached but comfy relationship with my blood family and am cool with that.

I've not seen any of that on this thread.

OP asked a question and I answered

Not in my experience. I’m fond of my parents, but, despite doing their best, they did a remarkably bad job of bringing us up, out of a combination of having never been adequately parented themselves and having far more children than they could afford, financially or emotionally. My siblings and I have little contact as adults, because our early years consisted of competing for scarce resources and attention. I’m fond of them, but we’ve all needed to embrace our space. I’m the only one to have had a child.

I would say the majority of people I know have problematic relationships with their immediate family.

What are you hoping for, OP? Someone to reassure you you must be a lovely, wonderful person because you like your family?

Surely it's obvious that people post about the sad times because that's when they need support?

I have a great mum and sister. My dad is gone but he was a good man. So does DH. Obviously I don't post about that.

A fair point here, no one ever posts about normality, as why would they. So it's confirmation bias to a certain extent .

I don't know. I grew up with domestic violence, alcohol abuse, neglect, verbal abuse. The emotional abuse from my mother has continued throughout adulthood. I have four siblings who I rarely see. One of my sisters is probably one of the most abusive, manipulative, cruel people on the planet.

I always thought that this was completely normal as it was all I knew! I thought everyone had a family like mine. I was actually sooooo shocked when a close friend said these words to me: "I always felt very loved when I was growing up".... and she said it like that was normal! It was honestly a revelation to me!

You are very lucky to have a loving family. I understand why you feel that it is normal, because it is all that you have known. I WISH I was you.