To say no more bringing the dog to our house

[Toopytoop]

My step kids mum has recently gotten a dog. She works nights and the children have started "wanting to bring their dog" when they come to ours. I suspect what is actually going on is she is starting to feel guilty leaving a dog by itself all night and so is encouraging the kids to desperately "want" to bring their dog with them here.

Aibu to say no more bringing the dog with them?

They stay 3 nights a week and DH goes to work early so I'm the one who ends up in the house all day with it or until their mum sometimes decides to pick it up on her way home in the mornings.

[BreakingAndBroke]

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. Just say no. There is no need for you to have joint custody of somebody else's dog.

[CruCru]

Yes, it isn’t your responsibility.

[Mothership4two]

I presume you'd be the one walking/toileting it too? There is no way I would do this and I love animals. You are basically being treated as the unpaid dog sitter. The ex really should have thought this through before she got the dog. Be careful that it doesn't subtly become your dog (yours and OHs) with all that entails. If she feels guilty about leaving it on it's own then she needs to sort something out (that doesn't mean sloping it off onto you). I am a first time dog owner and was surprised with how much extra cleaning is necessary from one dog and how wet and muddy the UK most of the year but you still have to take the dog out on walks

[TwoShades1]

I mean I guess it’s a good way to kinda own a dog but without the full responsibility. But you don’t have any obligation to care for someone else’s dog. Just say it’s not working for you and it’s her dog that needs to stay at her house.

[Flatandhappy]

You didn’t choose to get a dog and I assume there was no discussion with you beforehand about whether or not you were willing to have the dog when you had the kids so it is completely reasonable to make this a hard no. Don’t let yourself get guilted into making life easier for someone who clearly has no interest in doing the same for you.

[Copperoliverbear]

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

[Tempnamechng]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

Its not her dog, it's her step children's mother's. Leaving a dog at night whilst it's asleep is hardly neglect.

[Summerbay23]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

It’s not the op’s dog! It’s her step-children’s mum’s dog. She literally has no responsibility for this dog at all (and I’m a dog owner and lover). What if she wants to visit relatives for 8 hours a day (or volunteer, or start working?). The dog is not her responsibility.

[toomanyy]

YANBU, the ex is being a cheeky fucker and needs to be stopped.

Say no from this weekend onwards!

[toomanyy]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

Why do you think it’s OP’s responsibility to look after the ex’s dog?

[Screamingabdabz]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

’Poor animal’? Wtf? Did you not read the op?

[ButterCrackers]

The kids are your concern. She can pay a dog sitter.

[muckymayhem]

Errr, no not unreasonable! It's not your dog. But I guess it will be harder now than if you had said no originally.

I have step DC and never did their mother ask us to look after her dog or send it with SDC. If you liked the dog and it was nice to share it that would be one thing, but you don't want it so just say so. Or take up some activity which means you aren't available anymore.

[SD1978]

I'd stop it coming over. It's not something you wanted and having the bloody thing foisted on you would irritate me too.

[Lovepeaceunderstanding]

Your house, your rules but the children may have genuinely bonded with the dog; is it that bad having it?

[toomanyy]

@muckymayhem

Errr, no not unreasonable! It's not your dog. But I guess it will be harder now than if you had said no originally.

I have step DC and never did their mother ask us to look after her dog or send it with SDC. If you liked the dog and it was nice to share it that would be one thing, but you don't want it so just say so. Or take up some activity which means you aren't available anymore.

It shouldn’t be hard to say no at all, OP didn’t agree to every weekend.

[toomanyy]

@Lovepeaceunderstanding

Your house, your rules but the children may have genuinely bonded with the dog; is it that bad having it?

OP is stuck in the house with the dog all day, it sounds bad.

[Mothership4two]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

By that thinking the ex should rehome the dog.

I'm sure the dog will be fine on it's own overnight. My dog is on it's own downstairs every night and is quite content/fast asleep.

OP won't have it at hers just overnight, but for three days. That's unfair to foist on someone who didn't choose to have a dog in the first place IMO

[Toopytoop]

@Copperoliverbear

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

Because if I'd have wanted the responsibility of a bloody dog I'd have got one myself.

It's the children who apparently want the dog here but I am sure it's likely encouraged by their mum.

[converseandjeans]

DH should get up & walk it before he goes out & then she needs to collect on her way home. It's ridiculous she just leaves it with you all day

[Toopytoop]

@converseandjeans

DH should get up & walk it before he goes out & then she needs to collect on her way home. It's ridiculous she just leaves it with you all day

I still wouldn't want it here tbh.

[Mothership4two]

I still wouldn't want it here tbh

You are not unreasonable to say no from now on then

[Copperoliverbear]

@Toopytoop I just feel if you can do a kind thing for someone or something you should.
The kids love their dog and he is now part of their family as are you.
I just feel if you do kind things eventually you get rewarded and if i could help someone I would.
I certainly would not want to leave a dog home alone all night, incase of fire, but that's just me.

[muckymayhem]

@toomanyy I agree with you, I just mean that in allowing it at all she'll potentially have more of a fight on her hands when she now says "I'm not enjoying having the dog and it can't stay here". Because now the rest of them expect it. Now they won't understand why she's "changed her mind". Now they will try to tell her it's not that bad, that she's exaggerating, that she's spoiling things, probably that she's actually lucky to have DDog! She's been bamboozled into it - but it will be easy for others to make out she's just being mean and changing her mind. That said she's going to have to stick to her guns and not be manipulated into this "arrangement" against her wishes.

[toomanyy]

@Copperoliverbear

@Toopytoop I just feel if you can do a kind thing for someone or something you should.
The kids love their dog and he is now part of their family as are you.
I just feel if you do kind things eventually you get rewarded and if i could help someone I would.
I certainly would not want to leave a dog home alone all night, incase of fire, but that's just me.

Oh God, #bekind, spare us