Aibu to ignore sisters request for help

[Redheadphones]

I received a text saying she needs some help with some accounts and I’m an accountant so can I help her.

Since I moved into my home over 3 years ago she’s not once visited me or to see my dc despite numerous invitations. we do live 1.5 hours away tbf but I think 3 years is enough to make an effort when I do it the other way around albeit not much anymore once I worked out she cba. Every year I only hear from her on my birthday and Christmas with a generic text saying happy bday/xmas.

aibu to not provide this help given I know she can afford to pay an accountant she would just rather have it for free from me.

Just say no civilly.

Send a generic text thanking her for her interest and a link to your professional website/ rates? Finish with, ‘I look forward to working with you.’

Message her and say unfortunately it coming up for a new TAX year you're snowed under with your regular customers and don't want to let them down.

'Work is mad at the moment, when do need these done by? I should have some time in late May if you want to come over to discuss'

You don't need to drop everything to help. Paying work comes first. If she wants it free, she can wait until it suits you.

Just say you don't feel qualified or that your accountancy body's ethics policy or your insurance policy precludes you working for free.

Just politely decline saying too busy with clients accounts. You could point her to good websites or whatever to help her answer her query or do her own books?
Don't do favours you will regret or resent doing.

I bet she’ll visit you now…but I wouldn’t want to help her if I were you. I don’t see much of my siblings for various reasons, and I wouldn’t dream of asking a favour like this.

I'm an accountant, I'd at least as what was needed. One day you might need some help so I'd at least hear her out.

dont lie, just be honest, you feel like your being used and a generic text once in a while is not a relationship you would expect with a sister.
maybe she will change, maybe she wont, but at least it will be out in the open.

@MillieIou my sister is never going to help me so I know that bit won’t matter. I do try to always help but people just end up using me. This is why I’m checking in whether or not this seems one of these scenarios. I do feel used tbh.

Do you have time?

Then just help her. If you don't then don't.

tell her.

It's not a given that blood is thicker than water so no, you don't have to help your sister if you don't feel you want to.

No relationship should ever be all one way, give and take is how they should be and the only people that won't agree will be the people doing all the taking and no giving.

This.

Those saying just tell her, do you mean just be upfront I feel like a mug?

I’d ask what she needs - might be a quick bit of signposting. Once you know you can say I’d have to charge you for that but happy to give you a price and you can compare with others.

or say you don’t feel comfortable doing family members accounts as it blurs the lines in the relationship.

Be upfront, in a polite way.

This is one of those things where I will be full of rage when I first get the message, but then I feel guilty not helping someone who needs help and I cave.

If you’re like that too, just do it and stop stressing about whether to say yes or no.

If you’re not like that, just say you’re swamped with work or your company doesn’t allow you to help outside of work.

Nice to hear from you, it does not happen often. Regarding helping you out I’ve come to the conclusion that just like you don’t have time for me, on this occasion I don’t have time for you. But I hope to speak to you soon, if not at Christmas. x

If you no longer count her as family, then just say that you are too busy.

Options
A) hi Sue, you haven't visited me or made any effort woth our relationshil sk I have to say I find the expectation I will just help you put the blue to be quite cheeky
B) hi Sue, I'm good thanks for asking (bonus if she hasnt actually asked how you are) unfortunately with it being the end of the financial year I am snowed under and will be for some time. If you need help finding an accountant in your area I recommend checking (whayever website you can find a good accountant on)
C) yes of course, I'd love to help with this. My rate is £XYZ for what you're requiring.
D) yes of course, I'd love to help! I'm available on the 31st October (choose something unrealistically far away)
E) yes of course, it's better to discuss that in person as it can be complicated. Why don't you come to mine on Tuesday the 4th and bring the documents. Lunch can be on you since I'm doing you a favour 😉

I'm an accountant as well, I would be really curious to know what she wanted.

I did a decent amount of free work for who I thought was a good friend. I got very little thanks, I'd say you'll get less from her.

I'd just say, "Sorry, I'm really busy."

I certainly wouldn't waste my time helping her out when she cba with you and would never help you.

On the other hand, I wouldn't bother being confrontational and telling her she's a crap sister. It may be true, but you would probably gain nothing by telling her, and she would probably argue back and cause you stress.

Option F, which would be my choice. Ignore, and if she does follow up chasing you reply "seriously? I hardly hear from you then you request me to do work for you for free. Quite cheeky, and no, i'm not available"

Depending on the gravity of the situation I would signpost her to accountants in her area. I would not shut my sister down outright.

The two situations are separate. She needs help. You are pissed off with her for not being more present in your life. Deal with each one accordingly.