Aibu to ignore sisters request for help

[Redheadphones]

I received a text saying she needs some help with some accounts and I’m an accountant so can I help her.

Since I moved into my home over 3 years ago she’s not once visited me or to see my dc despite numerous invitations. we do live 1.5 hours away tbf but I think 3 years is enough to make an effort when I do it the other way around albeit not much anymore once I worked out she cba. Every year I only hear from her on my birthday and Christmas with a generic text saying happy bday/xmas.

aibu to not provide this help given I know she can afford to pay an accountant she would just rather have it for free from me.

Definitely a - it would be lovely to see you but I'd want to spend the time with you, not doing accounts - situation.

I'd allude to some ethics breach leaving you unable to help. You'd love to help but would feel that doing the accounts of a close relative could leave them open to questions of integrity...

Life’s too short… just help her. It may bring you closer.
i fell out with my sister over a stupid argument, we didn’t speak for months. Then she passed away 😢

OP, take a moment and read the thread in 'Chat' about acts of kindness by complete strangers before deciding about what to do for your sister.

Life is too short to put up with toxic people no matter who they are.
Sorry to hear of your sister but not everyone has the same experience.

I don’t agree with asking friends and family to give their professional skills free in general. YANBU to refuse.

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to help somebody who hardly bothers with you in day to day life, whether they are a sibling or not. If it's making you feel used, then it's making you feel that way, sister or not. Perhaps tell her that you are totally snowed under with current clients or is there anything due to ethics that you can't do accounts for a family member? Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty, she is only contacting you because she expects you to help.

Send her your rates.

Hello stranger,

Hope you and your family are well?

Im sorry its end of tax year and I overwhelmed with work so wont be able to complete your tax return.

Would be nice to see you?

Of course anyone can end a relationship 😄 This is a good thing.
There is no relationship between OP and her sister.

I would probably respond with “yeah happy to help. What sort of thing do you need? I usually charge clients £X per hour but happy to do a slightly reduced family rate of £Y per hour. With it being tax year end I probably won’t have much time to look at it properly until things quieten down though.”

your sister is being cheeky and you don’t owe her anything. I doubt she would want to pay you to do the work so then it’s on her to “back out” and find someone in her area. If you do this now she will probably expect it to continue each year and that’s not fair on you to work for free when she CBA to see you or the kids!

Just say that you have so much work that you don’t have time but you can recommend a firm local to her.
She hasn’t bothered so why waste your time on mates rates.

I'm a professional - not an accountant, a different kind - and I just say my professional rules prevent me working on an informal basis like this. Which is true. I give some very tiny, generic pointers and offer to find them someone else who can help. For a fee.

I understand this completely and would decline with as someone else suggested, links to local recommended accountants.

Please don't justify why. You don't need to.

Carry on with the invites tho.

Job done

when did you last visit her?

Your not being unreasonable me an my sister are the same regards distance an contact an I wouldnt want to do it either because she is using you... Family or not

Maybe she hasn't invited her.

Think I would reply no worries my rates are £. Per hour.

I do make a point to visit her but she doesn’t invite us much. I assumed she just doesn’t like us that much which is absolutely fine but she also doesn’t acknowledge my dc when I do send her dc gifts on the usual special occasions.
Just feel used when it’s time for her to ask for help after all that. I do try to do the right thing which I believe is to help but I think once I start to feel worse about it all I’m probably better off just letting her go and carry on as she was as it won’t really affect me.

I think it's unreasonable to ignore her but I don't think it's unreasonable not to help. You can acknowledge the request without helping.

This is good advice, imo.

Honestly I'd tell her the truth, "I kinda feel like you don't really bother with me, unless you want something? Sorry but its just how it seems to me."

Tell her your happy to help but provide her with the amount you will charge. She can't expect it for free just because you're family.

You can easily turn her down without causing offence if you do it right. 'Gah! I'm so sorry but I'm completely swamped and can't take in any more right now. Shall I put you in touch with my friend who can help?'

Really the question is if you want to confront your sister or not about how she treats you, right? What do you want to happen in your relationship? If you want to have a better relationship, use the work as an excuse to get closer or if you think she'd be receptive use it to open a conversation about your relationship.

'I'm so pleased you've asked me. Of course I'll help. I've felt sad that we don't see much of each other and it's nice that you've reached out.' VS 'You don't give two shits shits about me and my family. You're taking the piss. I'm not working for you for free.'