Aibu to ignore sisters request for help

[Redheadphones]

I received a text saying she needs some help with some accounts and I’m an accountant so can I help her.

Since I moved into my home over 3 years ago she’s not once visited me or to see my dc despite numerous invitations. we do live 1.5 hours away tbf but I think 3 years is enough to make an effort when I do it the other way around albeit not much anymore once I worked out she cba. Every year I only hear from her on my birthday and Christmas with a generic text saying happy bday/xmas.

aibu to not provide this help given I know she can afford to pay an accountant she would just rather have it for free from me.

"You're joking? You haven't been to see us in 3 years now you want me to work for you for free?"

There's no relationship to save so why beat around the bush.

Yeah, just respond how you feel in your gut and don't worry about it. So help or don't but don't agonise over it.
My siblings and I barely talk but not through animosity, we would help each other when needed but we lead separate lives. Other family members are more "in contact" but are absolute wankers and I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

My brother has he own plumbing business and refuses to do work for family, if family ask for anything he quotes a price 20% above anyone else in the area and then they scarper. He had to do this as he once did a favour for a family member and for years after was chased to do other stuff, anytime anything went wrong in this fixer-upper house my brother got a phone call as he had to quote "obviously done something wrong in his work", didn't matter if it was plumbing, building work, electrics my brother got a call to "fix" his shoddy work.

Long story short: Only do what work you are comfortable with and really consider the follow up work that may be required, always be prepared for worst case scenario. It is perfectly fine to be too busy right now to maintain family harmony in the long term.

YADNBU to not want to help her if all she does is take.

I think though that even if you’re ready to bring the relationship to a close, it’s better to separate the two events. So decline now, saying you’re too busy with work.

Then, when you’re really ready you can have that conversation or write a letter about the distance and feeling used etc.

If you use this instance as a chance to get it all out, there’s a risk it will go incredibly badly and she will just flounce feeling feel righteously angry (even though she is being unreasonable, but if you have the difficult conversation another time and there’s a chance that with time she might reflect on it, or at the least she isn’t going to have ‘ammunition’ to go marching to other people with. It may not be salvageable at all but at least she wouldn’t be able to turn your refusal upon you and use it to ramp up the drama.

Reply I think you would be better off going to someone local to you.

Sorry, Sis. No can do. You can Google local accountants, they may have spare capacity.

I'm afraid that would be my response too.

Absolutely agree with this

I would tell her - you don’t take on family and friends as it blurs the line of private and personal life. This is the website / email of my collegue they will be able to help you.

Like a previous poster I never take on family or friends it never works out well for me!!!

"Snowed under, Sis.
Can recommend some contacts of mine."

Just send her a breezy reply with your rates included..

I would tell her that you’re rammed with your regular clientele and can’t afford to do mates rates right now.

If you have capacity to do the work, tell her your rates and what timeline you could work to...I'd inflate both by around 20% and make it clear it's not negotiable because this is literally how you keep a roof over your head so you cannot afford to give away billable hours and you don't work in your downtime.

She only wants your help because she wants it for free. For a closer more reciprocal relationship I'd probably lean towards seeing how you could help, but clearly this is transactional in her favour only so no chance.

Yes. You’re and adult, she is an adult and she is treating you like a mug. Why not be honest? She hasn’t bothered about your feelings.

I agree with this. It's a way of having contact with her if you have the time to do it. It's petty to react to people the way that they react to you. You want to be your own person who does things your own way. Does she have a reason for not being in touch? Some siblings have a lot of contact, some have very little. Some siblings like to get on with their own lives but feel connected even if they don't see people.

In any case, it sounds as though you have made your mind up about how you want to proceed. You don't need the MN seal of approval to do that.

You been living in your home for 3 years and she has never even visited you despite only living 1.5 hours away. Then she texts you asking can you do her accounts.
My feeling is that these are a mess and she thinks you can sort them out. She will expect you to do this for as little as possible or for free.
I would just reply that unfortunately your to busy as it coming to the end of the tax year and some of your current clients have bought other people to you.

Or you could say I would have some time to help you in May and here are my rates.
I would not helping her out now when she has made no effort with you.

Either that or you just tell her you're snowed under and between work and family you have no spare time

You could be very upfront and say something along the lines of “You haven’t been to visit once in three years but now you need help you hit me up? I don’t think so.”? It’s unlikely to make her suddenly realise she should have put more effort in, though. So I would only do this if you’re happy for the relationship to become even more distant (which may be better if you’re currently hurt when she doesn’t reciprocate any effort you put in).

Otherwise, just say that with deadlines coming up you have to prioritise your paying clientele.

I'd do the really busy response.

Someone asking presumably near to the end of the tax year because they cannot plan ahead. The end date of each tax year has been the same since the reign of King George- the second.

Yabu i don't see my family much we have our own lives but if they needed me I'd be there

Tell her that you keep business and family separate, because you need a professional relationship with your clients.

I wouldnt do my sisters accounts even if we were best pals.
Nope. That relationship has to be professional imo.
Id just say sorry no im dont take on family as clients, and ive no capacity for new clients anyway.
Sends the message of no favours and im not doing it anyway.

I like this. It’s a really neat way of saying no while smoking her out as a selfish git.

she won’t come to see you, she probably can’t wait till May, but she can’t slag you off either!

also - on people saying you should tell her. I’d only bother if you want to get it off your chest. Or if you think there’s a possibility she might take it on board and become a better sister.

but having a sibling I don’t get on with either, I find the ‘just ignore’ is far better. It’s my DB who is the CF and also very unpleasant to me, but it would cause way more hassle if I called him out on it. He’d never listen and he’d make it out that I was the problem and bitch to all our relatives. So I just avoid. As he only contacts me when he wants something, he’s easy to avoid.

Just say: "I'm so busy at the moment that I don't have time for freebies, sorry!"

"Hi Sis, thanks for the enquiry, please give me some details as to what exactly you require, including the deadline, and I'll send you a quote, if I'm able to take on the work, thanks"