AIBU in not feeling like I own my home?

[flyingworms]

I’m 30 and have finally gotten on the property ladder after over 10 years of renting. I’ve just got a mortgage on a 2 bed flat in London with my long term partner (we went in 50/50 on a 10% deposit)

I always thought this would feel like a huge milestone but the reality is I don’t feel like I own my home, I feel like the bank does!

Everyone is congratulating me but all I can think about is the massive debt I’ll be paying off for the rest of my working years. The mortgage repayments while within our means are eyewatering.

Did anyone else feel this way?

Those years will fly by! Enjoy your new home and congratulations 🎊 you should be proud of your achievement.

I didn’t but it’s a shame you do. You need to remember though eventually you will own your home outright.

I feel the same. Still £65k to pay off but doesn't seem to get any closer.

Well the alternative is renting and that’s handing over your money to someone else. At least you are chipping away each month and getting nearer to owning an asset.

The time that is the life of the mortgage will pass either way, at the end of it, this way, you own your place rather than a landlord.

I think you need to focus on the other advantages of having bought a place. Such as the security you have, knowing you will never be forced to move and find somewhere else when you don’t want to move.

Nope I don’t think of a mortgage as a debt- I know logically it is but you need somewhere to live and you’ll always pay for that.

I feel the same in my flat, but not because of my mortgage. The freeholder owns my home. I just have a very expensive right to live here for a number of years.

A mortgage is a totally normal debt. And you will pay it off!

We bought in 2022 and it can be a little anticlimactic after all the saving, build up, stress etc.

But the alternative was to be paying someone else's mortgage! And it definitely feels like my own when we're ripping up carpets, painting, planning a new kitchen etc.

I don't focus on the mortgage because I was paying more in rent anyway, with no stability.

I think when you've paid a few years and see the term and the balance go down a bit it gets better. When you start out it all feels overwhelming.

Gosh, I just bought my first apartment in November, I'm a single mum with an $800,000 mortgage. It feels amazing, knowing I never have to move, can decorate, have built in storage and get everything set up properly rather than temporarily is a brilliant feeling. I spent my Christmas break painting the whole place alone, it looks fab and it's all mine.

The mortgage is huge but manageable, I live in a super expensive place and it's already increased in value. I was in my last rental for 11 years, wasn't even allowed to put in a dishwasher, the owners wouldn't repaint or replace the carpets even after all those years.

Yeah, that's sort of how mortgages work.

Think of it like this. You do own your home, that's why you can sell it. But the bank has first dibbs to the money they loaned you to buy it.

Believe me those years will fly by. A 25 year mortgage is just 300 payments, then 299, 298 etc, each month the bank owns a tiny bit less, and you own a tiny bit more. And the day will come when you make the last payment, and it’s all yours. It’s a wonderful feeling.

Grass is always greener.

There are pros and cons to renting and owning. We live in a country where owning is seen as the thing to do, but there are plenty of other countries where they prefer to rent because bills are all included, no upkeep worries, and landlords are usually for life and held to much stricter standards than here.

One of my friends is convinced she wants a mortgage because then "a landlord wouldn't be able to evict me." She seems oblivious to the fact she's paying £700/m to rent a large three storey town house (landlord is an older guy not really in touch with today's prices) - with 2 subtenants so she's actually making a profit - and not only would a mortgage cost her far more than that on a similar property these days, a bank could kick her out for non-payments and it would be "computer says no" (she's terrible with money and landlord has let her off a few times) - it's still not true ownership until the mortgage is paid off.

You have security to stay as long as you want and are paying the debt off rather than just paying landlord.

It is a big debt but you have a home of equal (and in a few years greater) value rather than having debt on credit card or other loan.

Better to be making mortgage payments than rent payments.

We bought a house 8 years ago and have already paid off nearly half its value, through mortgage payments and extra payments through sellig shares etc.

My life is a shit show right now but one thing I don't regret is buying the house, especially as the window to get a mortgage reduces as you get older.

I completely felt the same! It was just a scary large debt for many years.

We have just paid the mortgage off and now I do actually feel like we own it. Even that was a bit of an anti-climax though-it’s really bizarre.

So, no you are not alone! But you will own it one day and it’s better than renting!

I sometimes figure out what my mortgage has ‘bought’ me that month. I recon that after this months payment, I now own the window frames :)

Once you do something you could never have done renting you’ll feel it!! Congrats op!!

YABVU

You're not wrong to feel that way. Your house is not a financial asset.

Why? Because you need to live somewhere - if you sold it you'd have to buy again in the same market you just sold into.

Your house is actually a liability - it costs you money.

A second, third, fourth house is a financial asset - somebody will rent it and pay you the money. You've avoided being that person paying somebody else's mortgage though so you can celebrate that.

I always felt this way when I had a mortgage because of course you’re right you don’t own your home, it belongs to the bank. It was the greatest feeling ever when I made my final mortgage payment, there is no better feeling than knowing what you have worked so hard to buy is finally yours 😬

Are the mortgage payments not lower than your rent?

Even if the bank owns large part of it, it's not going to kick you out on a whim and you're not beholden to them to get issues fixed!