AIBU in not feeling like I own my home?

[flyingworms]

I’m 30 and have finally gotten on the property ladder after over 10 years of renting. I’ve just got a mortgage on a 2 bed flat in London with my long term partner (we went in 50/50 on a 10% deposit)

I always thought this would feel like a huge milestone but the reality is I don’t feel like I own my home, I feel like the bank does!

Everyone is congratulating me but all I can think about is the massive debt I’ll be paying off for the rest of my working years. The mortgage repayments while within our means are eyewatering.

Did anyone else feel this way?

No, I find that odd, and not just because legally you do own your home. The mortgage provider has a charge over it, to secure the debt, in case you default.but legally it is yours, to do with as you please.

They don’t own any of it. How come folks don’t understand mortgages. They have a charge over the property To secure the debt, so if the owner defaults they can force a sale to get their money back. But the bank don’t own it. They are not on the deeds, you don’t need to ask their permission to paint your living room.

Honestly astounded, how can people have mortgages and not understand it?

It's a shame you feel like that that. When I bought my home after renting I couldn't have felt happier. I was unlucky when I was renting in that two landlords in succession decided to sell their houses and I had to leave. I also had a battle with one of them because they were unpleasant when I pointed out I was in my fixed tenancy. I have two dogs who were a lifeline to me after a horrible divorce but makes renting even harder. As long as you are able to pay your mortgage the bank will not chuck you out because they have changed their mind, tell you whether you can have pets or whether you can hang up pictures, have post sent to your house and have to pick it up, or drop by for scheduled visits not to mention that at the end of it it is yours. All that to me is priceless.

It will come towards you. So much.

We used to track what our equity would buy us. Look up the current value of the house, take off the outstanding mortgage and then see what we could buy with the difference. We started off saying we owned the living room or whatever, and over time we built up enough equity that we could afford to move and buy something mortgage free, even if it was a tiny flat in a different town. Tracking it this way gave us a sense of security from the equity, even if we still owed on the mortgage.

If you do some redecorating it will feel more like your own. It's SO good to be able to choose your own stuff and have work done properly, rather than shoddy landlord style!

We rented for 10 years before buying and I love that this house is mine so long as I pay the mortgage. No Section 21s dropping through the letterbox.

I've never felt like that. I've always looked at the mortgage payments as a monthly investment rather than a debt, and never felt like the bank owned my house.

I love being a home owner, even though as you said technically the bank own the house I hate the thought of renting and I'm glad I'm in a position where I have been able to get on the housing ladder.

what really worries me if putting in all this work so I can pay for my home to pass down to my children one day and then being forced to sell it to pay for my care in the future if I become ill. I really worry that all this hard work and sacrifice might be for nothing long term and that puts a downer on my happiness of owning my own home.

True. That is worth a lot. So many people are facing so much stress, due to the property that they rent, being sold from underneath their feet. You will not have to worry about that.

Congrats OP, it's so difficult nowadays but you are getting there.
My dm was always sniffy about my mortgage being a 'glorified rent' as she was in a council property. I had chance to get started so obviously went for it before I met 3rd dh and with dc it was bloody hard work.
Dh and I paid it off and she was still paying her rent 15 years later until she died.
It is so rewarding OP when you get your yearly statements and you see how the balance of outstanding is dropping. Try and pay in a bit extra if you can too. We saved 3 years on our mortgage by doing so.

I think you're being silly, OP. If you bought a car with a loan, you'd still think of it as yours. Technically of course the house isn't yours until the last payment is made, but you would have been paying rent anyway, so surely this is loads better?

I get the feeling - we're 6 years in our property and moving so all those same feelings are coming up again.

Of course I know the bank doesn't own it - but it can sometimes feel like they do, if you've come from renting and you feel like you're a missed payment away from being kicked out (obviously the bank can't just take it for 1 missed payment but it can feel like that)

While some of the "its not really mine" feelings are coming up again for me, I promise they fade! It wasn't so much that it felt like the bank's, but that it was someone else's house, and I needed to ask before I did something.

Decorate a room - that helps massively, or even just putting up some shelves!

The repayments feel staggering, and it does feel like a huge debt! But this fades too - at first the total figure looms over your head but eventually its just a monthly repayment and you barely see the big number except when you remortgage. As time goes on, it becomes easier to flex the term a little to increase the repayments.

I actually felt the opposite, suddenly I was solely responsible for a property and could do whatever the hell I wanted with it. Perhaps think of the freedom in that you can renovate and decorate and change anything you want. Also that you're not alone in this as most people either rent or have mortgages for decades so not that many youngish people own their home outright

I was just relieved it was lower than previous rent I think!

The years fly by. I'm close to paying off my second mortgage.

The whole point is that you have complete control. You can decorate it any colour. You can extend it or change its fittings. It is all yours.

If you weren't paying a mortgage, you'd be paying rent. And that mortgage shrinks.

I bought in 2011. I pay £500 a month for 4 beds, a garden and 6 parking spaces.

Enjoy your achievement and your home.

I always felt this way when I had a mortgage because of course you’re right you don’t own your home, it belongs to the bank.

I hate this argument. As @Janehasamane has pointed out, the bank absolutely does not own the property - a loan from the bank is secured against it. If the bank owned the house, they’d have the right to sell it; to prevent you extending or knocking down walls; to tell you what colour to paint the skirting board. The bank can’t control any of that. They don’t deal with the negatives either - if you find out you need damp coursing or the roof replacing, good luck with expecting the bank to cough up because it’s “their house”.

A mortgage is literally just a secured loan. One day that loan will be paid off. The ownership of the property won’t change.

This 💯

Those years are going to pass anyway, whether you have a mortgage or not. In a quarter century you will either be looking back at 25 years rent paid, or at a home paid for. For some people (who are likely to inherit a house) that doesn't really make much difference, but for those of us who are not going to inherit? I know what position I want to be in.

Obviously the bank can repossess if you fail with payments, but what gave me comfort was there were no longer landlords who could sell up at a moment’s notice, or announce a rent increase out of nowhere (I know rates vary but less of a shock if you’re on a fixed rate). Nobody was going to suddenly email out of the blue seeking an inspection. There was no hesitation about decorating and making it our own. It is yours, enjoy it!

And that mortgage shrinks.

This is true. I have never quite understood the maths but it really does shrink, especially if you pay off chunks when you get to the end of one deal and before you enter another (so no penalty).

If it's leasehold I kind of relate. Effectively you have bought the right to use the land. Even once the mortgage is paid.

But its a massive step forward from renting and people say congratulations because not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position to buy particularly in London.

I think a lot of people feel like this. My DH did a bit. I was so relieved to no longer have to deal with unreasonable landlords that having to pay the bank back didn't seem all that bad!

You're still the one who benefits in the end. Your other option is renting, either way your salary pays someone's mortgage, so it might as well be your own. Congrats and enjoy your new home!

Nope, because I always knew that’s the way? Every month you’ll own a little bit more. It’s still your house. Your mindset towards it is very weird TBH

@TheYearOfSmallThings it shrinks because you're paying it off and also the real value of the loan decreases with inflation and wage increases.

No, I don't feel like that. And I still have a lot of mortgage to pay and it's going on forever because we've had to remortgage and take money out on more than one occasion. The reasons I don't are:

1 because in a rental I never had control. If I wanted to bang a nail into a wall, I had to think about if that was allowed. I couldn't choose to knock down a wall or buy a new carpet. I wasn't allowed a pet. I couldn't rip up the garden and start again. If something went wrong, I had to beg and wait for the landlord or the estate agent to deal with it, and it was almost always done as cheaply and basically as possible.

2 becuase in a rental there was always uncertainty. Are we going to be able to stay here next year or will we have to move?

3 Because every single month I pay my mortgage, I am paying off some of the capital. And at the same time, overall, my property value is going up. So while it is expensive yes, right now, my mortgage is less than it would cost me to rent this house AND if I sold this house tomorrow, DH and I would still walk away with some equity, even though, ironically, our outstanding mortgage amount currently is about the same as it was when we bought.