AIBU in not feeling like I own my home?

[flyingworms]

I’m 30 and have finally gotten on the property ladder after over 10 years of renting. I’ve just got a mortgage on a 2 bed flat in London with my long term partner (we went in 50/50 on a 10% deposit)

I always thought this would feel like a huge milestone but the reality is I don’t feel like I own my home, I feel like the bank does!

Everyone is congratulating me but all I can think about is the massive debt I’ll be paying off for the rest of my working years. The mortgage repayments while within our means are eyewatering.

Did anyone else feel this way?

Better than paying your landlords mortgage! I do know what you mean though.

Yes - I felt that I was actually now renting from the bank rather than the landlord but with all the financial liabilities and responsibilities added!

Congratulations, you may not feel like you own it now but as the years pass you will and you’ve done the best thing to secure your future

We actually paid our mortgage off yesterday and celebrated as a family knowing that we are secure now no matter what. As you age you worry, I’m disabled and DH is turning 60 so to know if anything happens we are now secure is a fantastic feeling

Each time we moved into a new house it took a few months until it started to feel like home (the current one took over a year but the sellers were particularly petty and I just felt like I wanted to rip everything out so it didn’t feel like their house anymore). Redecorating helps make it your own.

As for the mortgage, as others have said, the alternative is paying someone else’s mortgage. You need a roof over your head. This way you’re at least building equity and will end up with an asset. Even if does take 20-30 years, at least you won’t be paying rent when you’re retired.

I didn't feel we owned out home until we'd paid off the mortgage.
But I did enjoy the security of not having a landlord, and the opportunity to paint walls and update the (collapsing!) kitchen.

Again, technically no mortgage provider owns the property. This is technically, legally and everything else incorrect. Only the buyers, ie the op. Own it.

a mortgage is a loan. To secure that debt, ie guarantee it will be paid back a charge is placed over the property. If the buyer defaults. Then the mortgage provider can go to court, and request the property is repossessed and sold to pay the debt.

they don’t own it, and they can’t just repossess it either. It can however be instructed by a court for repossession and sale if the debt is defaulted on.

I don't want to sound patronising but you have done so well whilst also saving while renting.
I first moved out at 25 (at this time it was quite old to be at home still). I didn't earn much but I'll always remember the mortgage advisor saying your parents must be proud it's a great achievement. That always meant a lot.

I didn’t. I was excited to be able to do stuff that you can’t in a rental like decorate!

You do own the home your names are on the title deeds on the bank. The bank is a lender and has first rights to take possession of your asset if you default on paying back the money you loaned.

They don't own your home.

The first few years are the toughest! Stick with it.

You've got a mortgage within your means in London and you're still only 30! I'd say that's great.

What's the alternative. Pay even more in rent and have nothing at the end.

Sometimes the reality of achieving a dream is a bit of an anti climax. Try to focus on the positive - you are now on the property ladder, that's a big deal so well done, seriously, well done. Will there be days when you question your decision? Certainly, but just remember, you are improving your quality of life, not some landlord's bank balance and that makes things worthwhile.

This. You would have to be paying out anyway.

I feel like this - like that monthly amount is eye watering and there will never be a time I’m not paying it! But , for me - there never will . I rent. My rent is £1000 per month ( that’s the lowest I would get right now ) . I will never own this home , I’m paying the landlords mortgage , I’ll highly likely never be in a position to save for a deposit on our own home whilst paying this out. There will never be a day when it’s all done and I don’t have to pay it anymore.

That’s not a woe is me post - I made my choices through life - but what I mean to say is if you didn’t have a mortgage you would still have payments as you would be renting , but you would never have an end sight , you would never be 100% secure , you would never own it. So , yes of course it can be disheartening knowing the amount you have to pay , but the outgoing is something you can never get out of so you may as well be paying it out and the house is yours x

But you can't, you have to get buildings insurance and include the bank, you have to tell the bank if you are having major building work done or let it out.

You don’t need to tell the bank if you’re having major work done. Never encountered that on a mortgage. Yes most preclude renting as they wish a buy to rent mortgage instead,

I’ve always felt like I owned my houses even though I’m still paying the mortgage. It’s mine to do what I want with, more or less. I don’t think about the debt and never have, except about how nice it will be when I don’t have to pay it anymore.

It is best to check your mortgage t&c if you are doing major work on the house.

I’ve done work on all my houses, five in total and never had this. The bank doesn’t own the house. You do. You don’t need to seek permission.

Maybe your mortgage company didn't need to know, some do need to know though this is usually only a formality.

Which ones please? As this is very non standard.

Maybe a quick google will tell you, it did me as I wondered if it was still so, I haven't got a mortgage.

It is a wonderful feeling when you finally pay it off. The years will fly by. Then when you've made the final payment you think you're going to be do much better off with no mortgage payment to make, as we found out in 2020. Since then that saving has been eroded by cos crisis, so we're not much better off in cash terms; but the cos crisis is easier to handle because we have no mortgage or rent to pay

If you think you wont 'own' it till its paid off, 25 or 30 years, what a waste of time. Waiting 30 years to say you own it.
If i borrowed 5k from the bank to have, say a holiday, or buy a motorbike, or get a boob job, i wouldnt consider the bank own it. I do.
Im paying them back, but i own it.
Same with the house.