I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

She hasn't mentioned resource guarding? Unless I missed it.

And no, dogs do not see human babies the same as they see a cat. Oftentimes they don't even see a kitten as a cat.

Hi OP, sorry I have not read all of the comments so apologies if someone already said this. I feel for your situation. With a baby on the way you urgently need to seek out a behaviourist/dog trainer who can help you. Search on Google and ask on local Facebook groups for someone who can deal with the dogs specific issues. There are multiple issues here but they will have seen it all before. It can be expensive but you can sometimes get it back on pet insurance (you may need to be referred by his vet). A dog of any age can be trained. There are even places you can send your dog for several weeks where they will do the training for you. Then you will get a break from the dog too. Very expensive but they sometimes offer payment plans or you could get a loan. Something as huge as this is worth the cost if there is any way you can afford it. I wish you the best of luck. Sending lots of love ❤️

Yes, some dogs can and do see human babies as a threat and therefore prey, especially if they begin to get jealous. Same with kittens.

In all likelihood I’d say that OP has no idea what resource guarding even is, she isn’t experienced with dogs.

Absolutely no way I would have an aggressive Pitbull that shits in the house with a baby. Dog needs to go. If boyfriend refuses he goes too.

That the dog is required to be muzzled by law when out is a clear warning that you shouldn't have a baby in the same house. If the dog is unsettled by you and the cats how is it going to behave when a baby is added to the mix? I wouldn't move into a house with a pit bull as an adult. I don't know what your boyfriend is thinking.

Nope, pit bulls are generally awful 🤷‍♀️

My honest advice would be for you to move back home. Leave him in Spain.

Would you honestly want your baby in about 12-16 months time to be crawling around the floor and be crawling around puddles of dog pee or find piles of dog faeces on the floor? I can't believe he let his dog pee on two separate couches/sofas and he doesn't think there is something that should be done to either crate the dog when at home or try to teach the old dog some basic hygiene. This is really quite grim @Applecake123 .

Please don't leave it much longer before you have that conversation with your partner and please pay attention to his actions and his words.

Except it’s not, because the main problem here is that the OP is about to give birth to a child in another country. Once that baby arrives she is stuck there for god unless she wants to leave her child behind. She will be stuck with a feckless man and no financial independence. The situation couldn’t be worse.

OP, can I ask how far along you are with this pregnancy, and also how old you are? As quite honestly, if it's not too late, I would be giving serious consideration to terminating this pregnancy. You had a long distance relationship for a few months, moved to a different country, to live with a man who you barely know, and are now pregnant by him. You have no job, no money of your own, and are living with a potentially killer animal. None of these things bode well for raising a child with this man. As others have already advised, I think you should consider whether the pregnancy is really the right thing for you at this stage in your life, and whether it is, or isn't, I feel absolutely certain, that for your future life and safety, you should move back to live with your parents. This relationship has so many red flags you're drowning in them. Please do the sensible thing and leave this relationship before you ruin your life.

This ^. Assuming this thread is real I'd actually consider you both awful parents for even considering bringing a baby into such a potentially dangerous situation.

The dog has lived in the house for 10 years. Cats arrived. if it is just a small amount of wee, it's marking.

OP I was chased by a pitbull on the way to school as a small child- what makes you think that you can suddenly train an aggressive animal to not attack your baby when he/she arrives? There's a reason they're banned here and under a dangerous dog act in Spain.

I think you need to revaluate your choice in partner.

For the love of God Please do not have a pit bull near your baby. You need to get out of there ASAP.

I actually wholly agree with that but it's not the topic of thread. In terms of the dog situation, that post is very helpful & considered.

There’s no way I’d be having a child in a foreign country in a relationship this precarious. Get back home to have the baby and carry on the relationship long distance.

The dog is a total red herring here. If she has the baby in this country and it is registered there then she is at the mercy of dad for years. If she wants so go back home in a years time with her child she will need his permission. She could end up stuck there for years.

There’s no future with this man - he can’t train a dog, he’s going to be a crap parent. Be glad you found out now, and leave.

I didn’t spot the update that you were pregnant. How far along? Early enough to have options? You can’t bring a child into a house with an aggressive pit bull.

This should have been thought through before you moved in. Introducing cats and dogs is fraught with problems. And now there is a baby on the way. But you shouldn't be dealing with dog poo and wee it's not hygienic or even safe. Unless he is prepared to get rid of the dog you need to move out. Even without the cats there is a safety concern with a baby.

What's your boyfriend doing about his poorly trained, aggressive dog?

This should have been thought through before you got pregnant by and moved in with a man you barely know.

Typical mumsnet dog hating brigade, missing the absolutely massive underlying issue here, which is the absolute shit storm the OP is going to stumble into if she has a baby in a foreign country and her relationship falls apart. She will end up trapped into staying out there if she is not careful. The dog might be her immediate concern- but it is not the biggest risk here.

If the dog’s aggressive to other animals then I’m sure babies are included in that too. I wouldn’t have my baby in the same house as a pitbull personally.

The dog is marking it's territory. It is aggressive to your cats and other animals. It will be aggressive to your baby too. The dog is making it's feelings very clear. Listen to it and get out of there.

For the love of God do not have the baby in your boyfriend's country, unemployed, without a support network, and unmarried with no protections. You will be stuck. If you have the baby in Spain you have 3 options: (1) push for marriage and stay with your boyfriend, while learning to tolerate his dog longterm; (2) stay in Spain forever as a single mother since you will need father's permission to leave Spain with baby; or (3) leave your baby with its father should you struggle to find and a job in Spain and wish to go home.

If none of the above future options appeal to you - go home now so that baby is a national of the country you are from or where your family support network is. And maybe visit your boyfriend after baby is born to discuss the future of your relationship. This will give you the protection and freedom to leave with your baby should you wish to in future.

Also will your baby be safe around such an untrained and dangerous dog?

Biggest red flag here is that your OH is not taking responsibility and leaving you to deal with the situation.

not good dad material.