To let DD go away with Brownies/Girlguides on her birthday?

[BrowniesGoingAway]

She’s 9, almost 10 and a Brownie.

We have a party planned for the weekend before and will do a day out during the summer holidays (her birthday is about 3 weeks before the big summer holiday so we always “delay” a day out until the summer).

Her birthdays the Friday and the entire district have a weekend away planned Friday to Sunday. It’s her dads weekend with her but as it’s her birthday it’d be a shorter weekend (as in I’d have her for her actual birthday overnight then she goes to her dads the next day and does birthday 2.0 with him rather than him having her Friday -Sunday as he usually would). ExH is happy for her to go away for her birthday if she wants to go away and is happy to pay for it as part of one of her birthday presents (as it’s expensive, usually pack holidays cost £40-60 for 2 nights, this is £120 for 2 nights due to the activities their doing).

DD wants to go, it’s all she’s talking about, her best friend who is a Brownie in another pack is going, her Brownies (in her pack) friends are all going, her cousin (on her dad’s side) is going who is a Guide. She literally cannot see a drawback. Brownies have said she can go later so I can do birthday cake/candles with her at home or I can stay for their evening meal and they’ll do cake/candles as pudding if I supply enough cake for her pack to all have some (this is what DD wants me to do) - if I do the latter option I'd just buy cupcakes and DD can have 1 candle on a cake.

The reason I’m asking if AIBU is my family keep saying I shouldn’t let her go and she should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it. I’m also apparently spoiling her already with a party and a day out (usually it#s one or the other but it’s a big birthday so it’s both this year, next year it’ll be day out, year after party) as she also always gets a day out with Ex-PILs for her birthday. They said by letting her go and ExH paying for it I’m teaching her she can have everything.

She is aware that it’ll mean less presents from her dad, she actually says she doesn’t care about getting things and quote “Would love love love to do all the activities and have an extra special sleepover with all her friends”.

Obviously I want to spend time with her on her birthday but I also don’t want to hold her back or her to resent me for letting something like a date in a calander a big deal. She lives with me 95% of the time (EOWend with her dad) and I work Term Time Only, so I can always celebrate with her properly a few weeks later.

We'd have an hour or so in the car as I'd have to drive her to take her and ExH will pick her up on the Sunday and bring her home but obviously it's not a full blown birthday evening together due to it.

So AIBU to let her go?

This would come before everything else in our house, sounds great fun

Are the family this controlling about everything?

Glad your DD is getting to go on the camp. If she wants to go, the only people who should be having a say in the matter are her parents. No one else gets to have their opinion listened to!

I don’t understand why you are even giving this headspace. There is a ridiculous fuss over birthdays in my opinion which only leads to young women feeling neglected if they don’t have a week long celebration.
Of course she goes to camp. Have a family tea another day and if they choose not to come then so be it.

Let her go without question. Ignore all the BS from your family about spoiling her and teaching her she can have everything. This is your family coming up with spurious reasons why your daughter shouldn’t go, so that their needs will be met instead of your daughter’s. Selfish. Show them this thread!

I can't believe family think they have a right to overrule what she wants to do on her birthday. If she's happy and the parents are happy then That's all that counts. I'm so happy you are letting her go. X

I'm surprised there's even a debate here. She goes.

I agree with this.

also why on earth are your extended family getting so involved in your parenting and budgeting decisions - I don’t have the best boundaries, but even I wouldn’t accept input or opinions on that!

Family can bugger off. Organise a gathering when suits you, it will make her birthday last longer! Send her with a cake for the pack. She’ll have a ball.

Honestly she will have a total ball and give the leader a cake and card etc for her - presents when she gets back - honestly having your birthday on a camp is amazing / all day my son was going first etc 😂😂never ever happens to him at home

Follow your instincts, OP. Let her go and well done on being the one who breaks the cycle 😉

Her role is not to appease others. Show her this now or she'll be denying her own wishes and people pleasing for the rest of her life.

Birthdays happen. I suppose for some people growing up, a birthday was the only day they were made to feel special and want to perpetuate that specialness as adults (we've all met them) and foist that feeling on the children they come in contact with.

I think it's a healthy concept to teach children (and adults) that birthdays can be celebrated at other times too. Sometimes life gets in the way and we can't celebrate the way we want to on the day itself. That shouldn't diminish the celebration. December birthdays have often been passed over hurriedly because of Christmas. Surely it's better to make a fuss another time than have a half hearted attempt.

Let the birthday girl choose what to do and ignore the miserable family that want to decide how she should spend her day. They obviously have issues surrounding birthdays - don't pass them on to DD.

If you let her go to the camp she wants to go on, you're showing her that her wants and needs, where reasonable, should be priority. That's a big life lesson IMO. As an adult I still people please 99% of the time and I wish I'd been brought up knowing that I'm important too. Her wants, on her birthday, where it's not harming anyone else, come first. I hope she has a great time on her camp

I went away with the school at Easter when I was 10 and my 11th birthday was slap bang in the middle of the time we were away. I had a whale of a time! Let her go, the memories for her will mean far more than having to stop home to see relatives while your friends are away having a good time.

She can always have Birthday part 2 later!

Glad you're letting her go, OP! 20 odd years ago we had an end of year 6 trip to France and I celebrated my 11th birthday on one of the days. Little things made the day special and still memorable now - e.g. everyone singing to me over a dinner of frogs legs and one of the teachers allowing me to use their room phone to call home. And if for any reason she were to suddenly get homesick it sounds like you're not far away anyway.

As to the situation with your family, I really hope they agree to come and celebrate on another day and not make it about them, or at least that your DD doesn't pick up on any funny behaviour from them.

Of course it isn’t unreasonable. It’s something she’s really excited about, it will give her a little taste of independence.

Your family are being unreasonable in trying to curb her joy!

If dad is happy to contribute, and it isn’t going to leave you too short, then let her go and she will have a birthday to remember x

I wouldn’t think twice, my daughter would be going away. I went away with brownies, guides etc all throughout my childhood and have the best memories! We went all over the place! Jamborees with American brownies who I am still in contact with now at 32 years old

Of course she should go. She will have an epic time, ask brown owl if you can supply a cake and maybe some sweets for the girls in her group to take home with them at the end.
Dd has been away with Brownies when other girls have had their birthdays and it was extra special.

Of course you should let her go. It's a complete no-brainer. Either celebrate with her at the brownie event or delay to another weekend. It doesn't matter but don't stop her having a fantastic time with her friends

She wants to go so let her go

It’s HER birthday, so tell everyone else to pipe down.

Please let her go, please don’t hold her back.

Of course she should go. It's her birthday not the second coming of Christ!
Tell your relatives to wind their necks in

A birthday is just a day.
Of course you shouldn't miss out on stuff just because it's your birthday! Whether that's fun stuff like this or less fun stuff like dentist appointments and exams.

Jeez.
Other than affordability I wouldn't think twice. And if I could afford it, and there were no issues with other siblings getting the same, I couldn't give a tossing it was a birthday present or not.
I will continue to give my kids nice experiences.

It's her birthday, she wants to go and her parents are happy for her to go. There is no discussion left. I'm sure the extended family can cope with not seeing her on the actual day for one year!

Oh please! These are grown people who are so set in their ways that they won't come to a celebration if it's not on the actual day? What planet are they living on? They need to give their heads a wobble! Let DD go on trip, she'll have a blast and the rest can just get over themselves!

I went to Brownie camp for my 10th birthday and felt like absolute royalty! Loved it and such a fuss was made of me and I look back on my childhood and think that was one of my favourite birthdays ever! Let her go!