To let DD go away with Brownies/Girlguides on her birthday?

[BrowniesGoingAway]

She’s 9, almost 10 and a Brownie.

We have a party planned for the weekend before and will do a day out during the summer holidays (her birthday is about 3 weeks before the big summer holiday so we always “delay” a day out until the summer).

Her birthdays the Friday and the entire district have a weekend away planned Friday to Sunday. It’s her dads weekend with her but as it’s her birthday it’d be a shorter weekend (as in I’d have her for her actual birthday overnight then she goes to her dads the next day and does birthday 2.0 with him rather than him having her Friday -Sunday as he usually would). ExH is happy for her to go away for her birthday if she wants to go away and is happy to pay for it as part of one of her birthday presents (as it’s expensive, usually pack holidays cost £40-60 for 2 nights, this is £120 for 2 nights due to the activities their doing).

DD wants to go, it’s all she’s talking about, her best friend who is a Brownie in another pack is going, her Brownies (in her pack) friends are all going, her cousin (on her dad’s side) is going who is a Guide. She literally cannot see a drawback. Brownies have said she can go later so I can do birthday cake/candles with her at home or I can stay for their evening meal and they’ll do cake/candles as pudding if I supply enough cake for her pack to all have some (this is what DD wants me to do) - if I do the latter option I'd just buy cupcakes and DD can have 1 candle on a cake.

The reason I’m asking if AIBU is my family keep saying I shouldn’t let her go and she should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it. I’m also apparently spoiling her already with a party and a day out (usually it#s one or the other but it’s a big birthday so it’s both this year, next year it’ll be day out, year after party) as she also always gets a day out with Ex-PILs for her birthday. They said by letting her go and ExH paying for it I’m teaching her she can have everything.

She is aware that it’ll mean less presents from her dad, she actually says she doesn’t care about getting things and quote “Would love love love to do all the activities and have an extra special sleepover with all her friends”.

Obviously I want to spend time with her on her birthday but I also don’t want to hold her back or her to resent me for letting something like a date in a calander a big deal. She lives with me 95% of the time (EOWend with her dad) and I work Term Time Only, so I can always celebrate with her properly a few weeks later.

We'd have an hour or so in the car as I'd have to drive her to take her and ExH will pick her up on the Sunday and bring her home but obviously it's not a full blown birthday evening together due to it.

So AIBU to let her go?

Well they are choosing to miss out on her party then. The thought of some sour faced adults having a strop because a 10 year old gets to do something really cool for her birthday is bemusing.

Your family are incredibly weird about birthdays. Of course you let her go since that's what she wants to do.

And stand up your overbearing relatives on her behalf to make sure they don't try to guilt trip her about it.

so she wants to go
her father (who is giving up his weekend with her) is fine for her to go
her friends want her there
her brownie leaders want her there and have planned a way for you to be there to
You seem fine with her going, will still have a 'birthday tea' with her and have lots of other stuff planned to celebrate
Her GP on dads side are happy and have their own thing sorted
the only people who don't want her to go are miscellaneous family members on your side for no real reason other than they think birthdays should be celebrated on the exact day with them.
So they'd actually prefer her to be miserable with them on her birthday, than happy with her friends. Not exactly loving family, is it?
Basically you'd be causing aggro and upsetting your Dd if you said no, all for the sake of 'pleasing' people who don't really seem to care about her as a person at all, just what they want. Why on earth would you even consider it?
Even if you gave in this year, you're just pushing the problem further up the road - the older she gets the less likely she's going to want/be around to devote her birthday to her extended family rather than her friends/school/work/dad etc. Which is completely normal. So your family may as well get used to it now.

Even if you gave in this year, you're just pushing the problem further up the road - the older she gets the less likely she's going to want/be around to devote her birthday to her extended family rather than her friends/school/work/dad etc. Which is completely normal. So your family may as well get used to it now.

Absolutely this.

Let her go!!! It's a personal milestone, part of her growth, her memories. You're her mum, say what is going to happen.

Of course she should go. An adventure with friends is much more important than a family get together.
Insular families are so suffocating.

The ONLY people that matter in this decision is your daughter you and your daughter;s father - if he is ok with it, and it appears he is, then she goes to camp.

It is no one else's business.

If course she should go

Of course she should go. Not only is it her choice, but practically, the birthday things your family want to do can be done another time. Their attitude is very odd and I wouldnt pander to it on principle.

This is a total no brainer and a good lesson to your daughter to put her needs first, especially for something like a birthday.

Definitely let her go, send cakes for her to celebrate with the pack. She'll have a blast xx

Tell your extended family to get a grip and don’t indulge in this utter nonsense anymore.

Of course she should go to camp, she’ll have a wonderful time. And every subsequent birthday she should do whatever she wants, as well.

Another one saying let her go. She doesn’t exist in order to provide birthday memories for her grandparents.

@BrowniesGoingAway frankly this is a ‘them’ problem. You and your daughter and her DF are all happy with the arrangement and that’s all that matters.

if they want to be birthday martyrs that’s on them. Just decide on a phrase or two and roll it out in repeat until they get fed up of discussing it. “As her parents and with her agreement we decided that the weekend socialising with her peers as she wishes is the best way for her to spend this time and she will appreciate the memories and friendships built as she grows up, rather than being forced to miss out on a opportunity due to the unwillingness of others to celebrate her birthday on a different day due to their inflexible mindset…” but then in peri-menopausal and just grumpy with everyone.

Your family need to realise someone else’s birthday isn’t about them and when they want or is convenient to see her. I’d suggest they come see her Thursday tea time then DD can go off with brownies for the weekend as her birthday present from her dad.

Have filled in the forms and emailed them back and double checked ExH still has the correct bank details to pay.

She will be going. Will tell her when I get her back from Holiday Club shortly

IMO the opinions of the one's your DD birthday concerns are the ones that count.

You, her DF and more importantly your DD herself are all ok with her going away with Brownies, she's looking forward to doing these activities on her birthday and with her friends and with some family members there it'll be like her having a big party anyway, she'll love it....
plus it's one you won't have to worry about arranging bar the cake. Win win..

Your family are mad. And controlling. And selfish.

Yeah a real birthday treat being stopped from going away with her friends.

She can celebrate with them at a number of other times but this is a one off. Are any of them thinking of her rather than themselves?

I’m also a bit 😳 that you are doubting yourself, you are so far away from unreasonable. I don’t think I’d even entertain a member of my family questioning me like this.

Everyone's being very selfish! They can just celebrate with her a few days later. Let her go. She'll have a wonderful time and will remember it forever.

Seems a lot of drama for something that's not a big deal. She wants to go to brownies. She should go to brownies.

DD wants to go

This is all you need to know.

If you, your ex, and your DD are all happy with it, it's nobody else's business how your DD spends her birthday. Your family sound very selfish.

I’m a teacher and we’ve had children come away on residential when it’s been their birthday. They’ve loved it. We’ve done what we can to make it special for them. Parents have supplied cake in the past and we’ve sung and distributed it. She will have a wonderful time.
It’s her birthday. She wants to go. You and your ex-partner are supportive of her choice. I don’t see how you are being unreasonable in any way. Other family members have no right to be putting the pressure on you like that, especially in a way that could potentially make your daughter unhappy on her birthday. Stick to your guns OP.

Ah let her go. She'll have a great time with her friends. Your family are being selfish wanting her to miss out on making loads of fun memories.

She should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it.

WHOSE birthday is it😂😂? I had my 11th birthday at guide camp, in the olden days when we used to go away to camp for a week, and it was the best EVER-sleepover for 30 with a day off camp “chores”

its her birthday let her celebrate it how she wants and extended family can butt the hell out. You would have one very disappointed dd if you give into other peoples demands over what your child has told you she wants to do.