To let DD go away with Brownies/Girlguides on her birthday?

[BrowniesGoingAway]

She’s 9, almost 10 and a Brownie.

We have a party planned for the weekend before and will do a day out during the summer holidays (her birthday is about 3 weeks before the big summer holiday so we always “delay” a day out until the summer).

Her birthdays the Friday and the entire district have a weekend away planned Friday to Sunday. It’s her dads weekend with her but as it’s her birthday it’d be a shorter weekend (as in I’d have her for her actual birthday overnight then she goes to her dads the next day and does birthday 2.0 with him rather than him having her Friday -Sunday as he usually would). ExH is happy for her to go away for her birthday if she wants to go away and is happy to pay for it as part of one of her birthday presents (as it’s expensive, usually pack holidays cost £40-60 for 2 nights, this is £120 for 2 nights due to the activities their doing).

DD wants to go, it’s all she’s talking about, her best friend who is a Brownie in another pack is going, her Brownies (in her pack) friends are all going, her cousin (on her dad’s side) is going who is a Guide. She literally cannot see a drawback. Brownies have said she can go later so I can do birthday cake/candles with her at home or I can stay for their evening meal and they’ll do cake/candles as pudding if I supply enough cake for her pack to all have some (this is what DD wants me to do) - if I do the latter option I'd just buy cupcakes and DD can have 1 candle on a cake.

The reason I’m asking if AIBU is my family keep saying I shouldn’t let her go and she should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it. I’m also apparently spoiling her already with a party and a day out (usually it#s one or the other but it’s a big birthday so it’s both this year, next year it’ll be day out, year after party) as she also always gets a day out with Ex-PILs for her birthday. They said by letting her go and ExH paying for it I’m teaching her she can have everything.

She is aware that it’ll mean less presents from her dad, she actually says she doesn’t care about getting things and quote “Would love love love to do all the activities and have an extra special sleepover with all her friends”.

Obviously I want to spend time with her on her birthday but I also don’t want to hold her back or her to resent me for letting something like a date in a calander a big deal. She lives with me 95% of the time (EOWend with her dad) and I work Term Time Only, so I can always celebrate with her properly a few weeks later.

We'd have an hour or so in the car as I'd have to drive her to take her and ExH will pick her up on the Sunday and bring her home but obviously it's not a full blown birthday evening together due to it.

So AIBU to let her go?

My DD just spent her birthday on Scout camp, she had an amazing time. Her elder sister has also spent her birthday on camp, as did I at the same age... and her father.

Your family are the selfish ones... their desire to see her shouldn't trump her life.

Well they'll just have to get over themselves. It's her birthday and her choices have nothing to do with them.

And who exactly is this for the benefit of... given she as an un-moveable and very exciting plan that day already?

What happens when someone's birthday is on a random Tuesday in February, does everyone have to take the day off work?

Seems extreme to have to celebrate on the day regardless of circumstances... but then refuse to celebrate at all if not on that day.

Wow. That’s insane. Would DD even be that bothered? I’m sure she’d rather be with her friends at camp than a tea party with her bathshit older relatives!

The reason I’m asking if AIBU is my family keep saying I shouldn’t let her go and she should realise that it’s a clash and people want to see her on her birthday and the weekend around it.

Your family are absolutely insane and it's none of their fucking business what your child wants to do on her own bloody birthday.

That is all. I don't understand why you even need to ask if you're being unreasonable! Are your family always this weird/controlling/dramatic?

Oh that sounds like she will have a great birthday I really don't think you should give it a second thought and just let her go. The family are being ridiculous.

Yanbu, she’ll love it! It’s her birthday, not an opportunity for the relatives to be entertained. Adult relatives can be so selfish.
My kids were away on school/ scouts trips for a few birthdays and loved it. Put a card and a small present in her bag for the big day.

Again, this is insane. What is wrong with these people? None of this is remotely normal. If I was your daughter I wouldn't want to spend any time with them at all, let alone my birthday!

I think it’s hilarious that they think she is spoilt when it’s them as adults who want to dictate how she spends her birthday to suit them…

I let my daughter go on her 8th birthday. The day of her birthday was the date the trip/camp commenced so it was hard for me but I kept my feeling hidden as I knew she wanted to go. When she came back from the trip 4 days later we celebrated the birthday then. I did give her some birthday cards to take with her and a very small present as discussed with Brown owl.

Our 10 yo celebrated her 10th birthday at Girl Guide camp. She had a brillant day. They gave her a soft toy which she adores.

We had the family party the week aften. No issues.

Well that proves it’s all about them and not the child. Anyone who would snub a child’s birthday party because it’s on the “wrong day” wouldn’t be welcome anyway in my house.

Yes absolutely. Make sure the leaders
Know it's her birthday so they can sing happy birthday. They might do cake too.

Yes this. It's lovely to celebrate birthdays with family but this is her social life and camps are good fun Its unfair of them to get all huffy about it.

Your family sound utterly insane I have to say. So they see a child's birthday as a sort of unpleasant obligation for that child where they HAVE to see wider family, rather than do what they want to do?

Is there some religious/cultural aspect going on here? Because I have never heard of this and it sounds weird.

Of course your DD should go and have fun!

Your family is being weird and a bit controlling - ffs her birthday isn't about and for them.

Just what I was wondering.

Glad that your DD whose immediate parents have her best interests at heart. Just hope you hold the line against what seems to be monumental selfishness from your family.

Your family are talking total crap, sorry. YANBU. Let her go and have a wonderful time, this won't happen every year and she won't be a Brownie forever. This will be something totally lovely to remember when she's older. I think the only people who make the decisions on how to raise your child are you and ExH. She'll always be grateful to you and her dad for arranging these lovely things. Family can see her when she gets home.

I have been on school journeys with pupils having a birthday, and the various residential centres have always gone out of their way to help the day go with a special swing. I was especially touched when they got wind of my birthday one year.......
As PP's have mentioned, she is coming to a time in her life when her peer group is becoming increasingly important to her, while the family, whilst still dear to her heart, are becoming a bit less significant - this is her "chosen tribe".
The chances are that, if she were at home, and a party were to be arranged, her choices would be more friends than family. It's being organised for you - result!
Your family are finding it hard to let go of an earlier phase, but their rigidity will not work for them in the long run; if she is obliged to spend a rather stilted time with them on the exact date, mild resentment may creep in.
She sounds like a sensible girl; she's been pragmatic about having fewer presents because of expense, so let her know that her opinion matters.

if she is obliged to spend a rather stilted time with them on the exact date, mild resentment may creep in.

Likely more than 'mild' I'd have thought!
If these relatives might want her to choose to spend time with them as she gets older, they need to grow up and stop being so self-centred and ridiculous.

It’s her birthday and this is what she wants to do - let her go!

She’ll have amazing memories of this birthday going forward.

If adults can’t have a bit of flexibility for a child to have a blast on their birthday then that says a lot about their selfishness imo.

It's HER birthday, so she is the only one who gets a say really. Sounds like a great way to celebrate her birthday and get loads of attention. She can celebrate with family another day.

We are about to celebrate my DDs birthday with family 3 weeks late due to illness on the day and then my parents being on holiday. It will still be a lovely day.

Let her go away - she'll have a great time and have lots of fuss made of her because it's her birthday.

Sounds like your DD will have an even nicer party if her hideously controlling other relatives refuse to come. RESULT!

I'm a brownie leader and she'll have a brilliant time! Sounds like the leaders are on it already. She'll always remember being on brownie holiday on her birthday.