Husband's Reactions!

[MrsHankSchrader]

I don't know whether AIBU but I don't think my husband's reactions are normal. He has no patience and goes mad at little things.

For example this morning, I got a full chicken out the fridge from Aldi to cook for example (it was in date btw) and upon opening it, it smelt funny, I asked my husband to smell it, he said the same. I therefore couldn't cook it, he's on a late shift and was going to take some for his tea.

His response to me was have you bought another? No as we had one in the fridge! Then I got for f@cks sake I've nothing for my f@ckin tea now!!! I had just bought him some frozen salmon so I said cook that and take that for your tea. No he said, I want that for my dinner before I go to work.

I told him it wasn't my fault that the chicken smelt funny, he was in date, I therefore got the comments of well it's been there for a few days why haven't you cooked it before now!!

AIBU in that I hate his reaction to things? He says I'm too soft all the time when I tell him how it makes me feel.

I've just had to come out the house for a bit.

I'd be inviting him to cook his own fecking tea from now on.

Have you told him lately that you're not his punchbag? There's no such thing as "too soft" when it comes to deflecting spousal abuse. Would you let anyone else speak to you like he does?

Jeez. You realise you deserve better, right?

You don't have to tolerate living with someone as aggressive, bad tempered and nasty as that.

When I pull him up on it. He says I over exaggerate and I'm too soft and take things to heart.

Then denies it saying I wasn't that angry. It's exhausting and draining.

I just feel that other peoples partners/husbands might have said oh never mind I will make something else to take.

I hate the way he reacts.

The fact that he's swearing at you is a red flag imo, we swear a lot at home but we don't swear at each other. It is upsetting to be sworn at in temper, you aren't his verbal punchbag when he's having a strop.

Bet he wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that!

I have a very similar husband who looses his head over the littlest thing and then I feel like I'm his emotional punch bag.

We've recently sat down and spoke about it, he's acknowledged it, knows its wrong and is going to do something about it, if your husband can't do that, then there's no going forward I'm afraid.

I pulled him up on it and his response was, well I don't have anything for my tea and that's okay is it? I mentioned he has salmon to take but he's adamant he wants that for his dinner.

He then asked me if I have "come on my period yet" and that I don't half go overboard when I complained that I do not like his reactions and how he flies off the handle.

I have a teenage daughter nearly 16 (not his) who obviously has hormonal mood swings etc.

He has also said to me well you don't go mad at her when she speaks to you like cr@p like that gives him the right.

Him denying his behaviour is full-on gaslighting which is a tactic used to make you doubt yourself.

It's a common tactic used by abusive men.

You describe his behaviour as "exhausting and draining".

Is he like this with other people or does he save the worst of his behaviours for you?

He then asked me if I have "come on my period yet"

Urgh, he sounds awful.

Your poor daughter is being taught this is normal, aspirational. How much longer are you going to inflict this man on her?

I hate the way he reacts.

Beware the man who blames you (or your hormones, the prick). For everything.

It's exhausting and draining.

Yes, it is .

Do you ever imagine life without him @MrsHankSchrader ?

Christ almighty. Just read your latest posts. I would rather live in a cardboard box than share my life with a nasty dickhead like that.

Have you thought about contacting Women's Aid for support? They are very good and can help you learn about what is and isn't acceptable in a healthy relationship. Maybe you've been putting up with his shit for so long that you can't see clearly any more.

I'd tell him to buy his own sandwich fodder in future. How does he cope with real problems - blame you?

Your husband is a prick OP.

He doesn't act. He reacts, at everything.

If we sit on the sofa with our feet up with our heels digging in the sofa so to speak with no shoes on, we get told off for sitting on the sofa like that.

My abusive exH did this. It was in the early stages of his abuse. Everything was my fault or I was to blame. Child fell…what were you doing? Car boot latch broke..why didn’t you tell me earlier (it literally just happened) I tried to explain carefully choosing my words and being very specific but of course he knew he was unreasonable he didn’t need it explained he knew these things happen. The comment “don’t you have another chicken” reminded me of him. Of course you don’t keep spare chickens around. Of course children fall and appliances break. It’s just a reason to be hateful and mean and eventually abusive. Try to avoid over explaining…food goes bad..there is salmon or he buys something else. Be mindful of other abusive behaviors.

We get it, he's scum.
More importantly, what do you plan to do? How much longer will you inflict this man on your child?

He's an emotionally stunted bellend.

Why on earth are you putting up with this abusive arsehole? What a horrible example for your daughter.

In answer to your question- no, his reactions are not normal.

He's Gaslighting you, this is emotional abuse.

There is nothing normal or acceptable about how your husband treats you. I've been married for 26+ years and my husband has never once spoken to me like that. It's totally unacceptable.

Yes - this is 'gaslighting' .

Not good for your DD to be around nor for her to see this as an example of how relationships work .

How is he with your DD? How long have you been together? What is your housing / financial situation ? Ie how easy would it be for you to separate from him ?

Was he like this before you married?

Feel sorry for your daughter having this dictating, angry twat in her life.