Husband's Reactions!

[MrsHankSchrader]

I don't know whether AIBU but I don't think my husband's reactions are normal. He has no patience and goes mad at little things.

For example this morning, I got a full chicken out the fridge from Aldi to cook for example (it was in date btw) and upon opening it, it smelt funny, I asked my husband to smell it, he said the same. I therefore couldn't cook it, he's on a late shift and was going to take some for his tea.

His response to me was have you bought another? No as we had one in the fridge! Then I got for f@cks sake I've nothing for my f@ckin tea now!!! I had just bought him some frozen salmon so I said cook that and take that for your tea. No he said, I want that for my dinner before I go to work.

I told him it wasn't my fault that the chicken smelt funny, he was in date, I therefore got the comments of well it's been there for a few days why haven't you cooked it before now!!

AIBU in that I hate his reaction to things? He says I'm too soft all the time when I tell him how it makes me feel.

I've just had to come out the house for a bit.

It's really difficult to not get furious with this kind of thing. But it's purely said in frustration for the dilemma at hand. You know you did nothing wrong. Just laugh at him when he tries to blame it on you. Just tell him to pick up some more on the way home. He'd better apologise though. If I get an unreasonable outburst I catch myself and apologise immediately.

He sounds like a complete cunt.

Fine to be annoyed that the chicken was off. But not fine for him to be annoyed AT YOU when you had done nothing wrong and had also offered him a solution to the problem. He sounds like an abusive twat to you and your daughter.

People who blame their partner for everything that goes wrong instead of just accepting that sometimes things happen that are absolutely nobody's fault are emotionally abusive. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who, when confronted with a small problem, makes it worse instead of better and cuts off their nose to spite their face by refusing any alternative.

Verbal abuse is a horrible thing, you can feel like you are going crazy when you’re told you’re exaggerating etc.

You should have just cooked the chicken and fed it to him!
😂

Are you for real?
Read the OPs updates.
Her husband is an abusive dick

Pity you didn't cook the chicken, give him his tea and bin the rest...

He sounds like a total prick.

He’s on a late shift, he can get in the car and go buy a new chicken.

FWIW this is what my husband would do - nip out to the supermarket himself and buy himself food. He wouldn’t make out like an expired chicken was somehow my fault.

OP, you deserve better.

That's the type of thing that bullies say.

Yes abusive behaviour. I have been with my husband for 25 years and I honestly can’t think of one time he has gotten angry at me, especially over something ridiculous as a bad chicken that is no-one’s fault. Yes it’s frustrating that he was planning to take it to work, but not at all acceptable to take out that frustration in you. He is using you as an emotional punchbag when he gets annoyed and then gaslighting you afterwards - it’s your fault because you are too soft or hormonal?! No it is his fault for being an emotionally abusive twat! The way he talks to you is absolutely unacceptable. A normal husband would say “Oh that’s really annoying, don’t worry I’ll pick up something else to eat on my way to work.”
I think you need to have a serious chat with him, at a time when all is calm. Tell him that you do not like the way he talks to you, blames you for stupid things, uses you as an emotional punchbag. It is unacceptable. He either stops doing it, or the relationship will end. You need to make very clear what your boundaries are and what you will not accept going forwards. If he cannot see that the way he talks to you and treats you is unacceptable and isn’t willing to change - then there is no hope with him. Don’t accept this as your life, you deserve better and so does your daughter.

My 16 year old doesn’t speak to me like crap, OP, hormonal or not.
i get the sense you’re a bit of a pushover in life and are used to people speaking to you like shit. Your husbands reaction is disgusting and the way he speaks to you is not ok.

I think he needs to realise that his reactions and how/to whom he portrays them are two separate things and he does need to use his brain and a bit of control over one of them!

For example there with the chicken, yeah I’d be annoyed at being left with nothing in for tea, it’s irritating, but it’s not YOUR fault. He needs to learn to be irritated by a situation without directing that irritation at you and making it your fault!

I think you need to ask him to leave. The anger is bad enough but the gaslighting is worse. He sounds horrible.

I beg your pardon?

@MrsHankSchrader please be careful about talking to him about his behaviour. He knows what he's doing, he doesn't need it pointing out. Calling out abusers' behaviour can often result in them escalating further, emotionally or physically. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself and your daughter safe.

I agree with PP that contacting Women's Aid would be good for you. They won't force you to do anything you're not ready to do, they'll just listen and support you

Boot him out!

Op, why are you still married to him?

Having read in more detail my last post was not appropriate. I was taking it as much less long term abusive than it was.
I'm not sure how to delete it though.
Apologies.

Does he bring anything positive to your life?

I used to get spoken to like this, over the years it just grinds you down. The man in question left me and went to live with another woman. I was devastated at the time, but it turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I think I'm in the minority here but my husband and I cook our own dinner, we don't always want the same thing or want to eat at the same time. It's not your 'job' to cook for him, or provide food - he's a grown adult.

Also he sounds awful and I would start standing up for myself a bit more if I was you

Laugh? Have you not noticed that OP’s husband is an aggressive bully? How do you think he’ll respond to being laughed at? I think you’re mistaking him for a normal reasonable person.

Yup I think my husband wouldn’t have given a crap tbh. We’d have sorted something else out.

As if you buy a back up chicken, milk, cheese, bread etc in case the other one smells funny when you open it - the shopping bill would be double.

I’d have told him that I’m clearly not capable of doing the shopping or sorting meals out so he should start doing it.m and leave it with him. Every time he says or does something like that I’d repeat the same thing……

He wanted the chicken for that meal & the salmon for the other.

Boo bloody hoo!

We've had beans on toast/omelette/whatever we could find because something was off/forgotten when we shopped/the shops were closed an extra day.

Annoying at the time but on the whole we realise that we are lucky to be able to feed four adults from the cupboards/freezer.

If he thought that the chicken had been in the fridge a while why hadn't he already cooked it?

why are you making his food, can't he cook?

Because he doesn't do any cooking really I do. He works 5 days a week I work 4 so I pick up the majority of the household stuff, food shopping washing cooking cleaning etc.

It's breakfast, lunch & dinner.