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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Instagram 'Influencers'

112 replies

Hedgehog44 · 24/03/2024 19:23

AIBU in thinking posting your child's every move on Instagram is setting them up for being bullied and ridiculed by their peers or do you think it's ok to use your children as your 'brand'? One particular 'influencer' winds me right up with the way she infantilises her 11 year old son in her posts to get herself likes and I feel like she's asking for both her kids to get bullied. Kids can be really cruel.

OP posts:
BeretRaspberry · 25/03/2024 07:58

I definitely agree. There was a post from a woman on here not long ago about a woman wondering whether to cut her mum off because of her incessant FB posting about the private details of the OP’s life. The poor OP was damaged because of it and that was just from a regular account as opposed to ones with (hundreds of) thousands of followers.

There definitely needs to be some legislation to protect children from their parents pimping their lives out.

Toottooot · 25/03/2024 08:00

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 07:51

@Covidwoes Yes. I tried not to make it obvious. I don't watch any other influencers, just people I know, so I don't know if the others are like this. I feel so sorry for her, which is why I haven't unfollowed. I only started to follow after she stopped showing the children but I feel very sorry for them too.

She has no means of earning a living other than her channel, otherwise I would unfollow. It's tragic.

No other way of earning a living - eh she could get herself a job?
Can’t feel sorry for her at all - know people who know her and not always as nice as she makes out.

BoobyDazzler · 25/03/2024 08:06

Why on earth are you following these people in the first place?

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:06

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 07:51

@Covidwoes Yes. I tried not to make it obvious. I don't watch any other influencers, just people I know, so I don't know if the others are like this. I feel so sorry for her, which is why I haven't unfollowed. I only started to follow after she stopped showing the children but I feel very sorry for them too.

She has no means of earning a living other than her channel, otherwise I would unfollow. It's tragic.

You are part of the issues a strangers happiness and income isn't your concern you have slotted yourself into a window of someone's pretend life as if you are doing them a favour. The Internet has turned people's brain to mush !

whiteboardking · 25/03/2024 08:07

There are 5-9 year old footballers / rugby players / gymnasts etc with thousands of insta followers. These post weekly with footage of loads of other kids in. Posts say where it was and who they playing etc No consent from anyone never mind the children.
They often highlight the brilliance of their child v average kids. It's awful but relentless & hundreds doing it

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 08:13

I feel sorry for her because she thinks she has an enviable lifestyle but she hasn't. I think it would be very hard for her to get a job at her age with no experience. I don't know her but she is quite local to me and there are so many things to see and do in the area. She could show all that on her channel but instead her channel is about consumption of cheap clothes.

I feel sorry for her children being taken on term time holidays all the time too.

Pippa246 · 25/03/2024 08:13

Fillyfrog · 25/03/2024 07:22

Did you mean brummymummy with the 11 year old 🫢

I saw this a while back whilst doom scrolling on the bus - at first I genuinely believed a “digital creator” was someone in some IT related job!!

Brummymummy, Stacey soloman and Mrs Hinch are terrible for this. But hey Ho, it makes them an income. Ironically brummymummy was asked to go to a primary school to talk about online safety!

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:16

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 08:13

I feel sorry for her because she thinks she has an enviable lifestyle but she hasn't. I think it would be very hard for her to get a job at her age with no experience. I don't know her but she is quite local to me and there are so many things to see and do in the area. She could show all that on her channel but instead her channel is about consumption of cheap clothes.

I feel sorry for her children being taken on term time holidays all the time too.

But you are feeding all that !

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:20

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:16

But you are feeding all that !

Why are you feeling sorry about termtime holidays?

Starseeking · 25/03/2024 08:24

Probably think they are going to be the next Mrs Hinch(so?).

One of my DC is a talented primary age footballer, and I've started videoing their tricks etc. I'm thinking about setting up a private IG account, to post all of the videos as time goes on, but with only me as a follower. Once DC gets of age, I'll hand the account across to DC so they can choose what to post or not, and who to share their early videos with. It'll be DC's choice.

The point about these influencers using their DC is that they must have nothing else going on in their lives, or view DC as a prop, forgetting they are real people who have agency, and will most probably hate it when they get older given they weren't able to consent at the time.

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 08:33

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:16

But you are feeding all that !

I hadn't thought of it like that, but you are correct. The other people I follow are known to me and they show themselves going interesting places and doing interesting things. This influencer channel I watched after reading about her on here and I found myself watching someone do their washing and people were leaving positive comments and I was left with a sense of bewildered fascination. If I saw her begging by the side of the street I would give her a couple of quid because I feel so sorry for her, and this is no different. She is reliant on a man to support her and she would struggle to find paid work if that ended.

You are correct and I should unfollow. In fact I will because the constant buying of cheap clothes bothers me and I am probably contributing to that rather than the upkeep of the children.

AnAwfulPerson · 25/03/2024 08:37

These people contribute nothing to society and are arguably actively harmful. They encourage mindless consumption and the commodification of childhood. I'd happily ban anyone from monetising their kids.

AnAwfulPerson · 25/03/2024 08:37

And yes, if you follow them you're part of the problem.

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2024 08:42

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 08:33

I hadn't thought of it like that, but you are correct. The other people I follow are known to me and they show themselves going interesting places and doing interesting things. This influencer channel I watched after reading about her on here and I found myself watching someone do their washing and people were leaving positive comments and I was left with a sense of bewildered fascination. If I saw her begging by the side of the street I would give her a couple of quid because I feel so sorry for her, and this is no different. She is reliant on a man to support her and she would struggle to find paid work if that ended.

You are correct and I should unfollow. In fact I will because the constant buying of cheap clothes bothers me and I am probably contributing to that rather than the upkeep of the children.

These hauls and mystery boxes etc etc is just a ploy to reel views. I follow some people online I'm not totally innocent myself but If someone is not "entertaining " or seems iffy I just unfollow.

5128gap · 25/03/2024 08:54

I suppose its largely dependent on the popularity of the influencer and how approved of they are by the demographic in which they mix. Having a parent display an aspirational lifestyle with children shown doing and wearing things their peers would admire would be far less likely to result in the child being bullied than one showing some niche/'weird'/uncool lifestyle. It's really just the low rent version of real celebrities bringing their children into the public eye. Provided the celebrity in question is well regarded, this reflects well on their child. I think its unethical for a variety of reasons, but whether it results in bullying or embarrassment for the child isn't clear cut.

Throwyourkeysup · 25/03/2024 09:18

There are quite a lot of these “influencers” in the equestrian and country life world either exploiting their dc or basically, I’m afraid to say, showing off their idyllic lifestyles with country cottages, beautifully dressed dc and ponies and what can only be, I assume, inherited wealth. And the rest of it is just painful in a “look at us, aren’t we marvellous” sort of way.

I avoid their vlogs on You Tube and scroll on past on Instagram but they are hard to avoid completely when they pop up on your feed all of the time even when you have “unfollowed”, or have not even “followed” in the first place, especially if you are interested in a niche subject.

In one such family, it’s obvious that the eldest child is not in to the sport as much as the rest, and is much more of a shy and sensitive type and the mother’s posts are all about how wonderful it is to see this child back on a horse. It sounds harmless but imho it’s constant emotional blackmail. I hope they will be ok and the family allow this child to pursue a different lifestyle and have different interests to their own.

And I sincerely hope this family think very carefully about how much they continue to share given that this child is now approaching secondary school age.

I know a lot of this sharing on line comes from a place of genuine love but some of it definitely takes place for monetary or sponsorship reasons and that is basically equivalent to “selling” your dc, or at least images of them, for a buck. And once those images are out there, you the parent have absolutely no control over what happens to them.

Edited to say that these people’s feeds are full of positive comments so I am prepared to hear that my opinion about all of this sharing is wrong and I’m a just a heartless killjoy!

Imho opinion though, I don’t think children should ever appear on sm or on tv, however great, or not, their family is, and whether they live on a Yorkshire farm, in a palace, or in a competitive sports field, because fame of any sort can be such a corrupting influence which adversely affects personalities and relationships and you need to be fully adult to handle it. Children need to be able to grow up and make mistakes and be themselves in private, without the eyes of the world on them.

Covidwoes · 25/03/2024 09:31

@Frugalfruit you're kinder than me feeling sorry for her! She could easily make an effort to get a job, or at least do some voluntary work for a charity, but she just won't.

Toottooot · 25/03/2024 09:34

I follow one and she constantly bangs on about how she respects her kids privacy etc. Then we have the full toilet training journey - a year previous she claimed she was fully trained with lots of #gifted #ad posts - clearly scamming her followers. This week a family member has sadly died - no dignity for the man when he was at the end of his life - photos of him looking very unwell, now it’s photos of the man’s grieving wife that I don’t think the poor woman knows she’s taken - let alone plastered over insta. In between this still flogging her MLM Lumi shite.

Have now unfollowed.

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 25/03/2024 12:46

I think these influencers are pretty awful and that this is a form of child abuse. Right now my words sound extremist and mawkish, but when poor old Rexhilder-Rose Solomon-Squash is sitting on the couch of This Morning in 2041 complaining of “digital anxiety” then we’ll be falling over ourselves to legislate against this kind of no-contact molestation.

I practice what I preach. I limit my use of use of SM (no FB, insta, TikTok etc) and do not allow photos of my children online. I leave my phone in the next room when I am playing with my children so that I am not tempted to pick it up and begin doom scrolling Reddit instead of interacting.

I am chill with my friends over their various parenting quirks. I would never start a bun fight over chicken nuggets, bedtimes, screens in restaurants etc etc. but I have zero respect for any mother that commoditises her children.

LostStars39 · 25/03/2024 13:54

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Minata · 25/03/2024 13:57

It's always women exploiting their kids like these. I haven't come across many male influencers of these types.

BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 25/03/2024 14:06

I have a big family near me who post every single detail of their lives on social media. Half of their kids have asked not to be filmed (yet they still film them), some of the kids are being bullied at school. It is our job as parents to protect our kids and having their whole lives online is not protecting them. I wish big social media companies would put a stop to it but they won't as they are making money from the child exploitation.

LostStars39 · 25/03/2024 14:09

Check out Brummy mummy’s tattle thread, it will open your eyes if you’re not sure about her!

GhostFaen · 25/03/2024 14:29

Frugalfruit · 25/03/2024 08:13

I feel sorry for her because she thinks she has an enviable lifestyle but she hasn't. I think it would be very hard for her to get a job at her age with no experience. I don't know her but she is quite local to me and there are so many things to see and do in the area. She could show all that on her channel but instead her channel is about consumption of cheap clothes.

I feel sorry for her children being taken on term time holidays all the time too.

But why do you feel sorry for her thinking she has an enviable lifestyle?

I promise you, she’s earning many pennies schilling the crap she does, even at the minor level she is. That’s why she keeps it up. If it’s the person I think you’re talking about she pulled her husband out of work to help her when influencer times were good, then pushed him back on the rigs when she made a racist blunder that came back to bite her on the arse.

He doesn’t get sympathy. He’s posted bath pictures of his daughters online, has messaged followers inappropriately, and likes the perceived lifestyle too much, so lets it go on. He loves the idea of upping his social class. Shame he started dating a 14yo at 19, then got her pregnant when she was a young adult (and they were on a break) with her desire to never work. She knew what she was doing.

Dont feel sorry for her or him at all. Stop following them for the children’s sake. She had her last purely for engagement and now only talks about her with distain. WHO has a child for their social media??!!

I know of her because of the house she moved into. It has a disastrous history and she makes jokes about “get in the bin” etc, and posts the room on her social media where a tragic murder happened. No shits given.

Pippa246 · 25/03/2024 15:25

Minata · 25/03/2024 13:57

It's always women exploiting their kids like these. I haven't come across many male influencers of these types.

Errr Jonathon Saccone Joly - one of the worst offenders!

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