To think relationships are more work than being single

[Greenhouse12]

I can admit that I'm slightly cynical being newly single after being in a rubbish relationship for too long.

But I feel as if almost every friend I have has a story about there partner being incompetent. Everytime I go on tiktok I see these videos of women joking about asking their husband to do something simple to help and them not being able to or not knowing basic information like their Childs birthday.

I seen one yesterday about a man who thought his child was vitamin deficient because her nails never grew… he had just never cut them

I know it's not all men and I work with some great ones but recently it just looks more hassle than its worth.

I have two friends who are single mums by choice via IVF and I actually envy them! The only negative is the lack of child support.

Please restore my faith in relationships or if you have any stories about the extra mental load from having a partner

Yes.

I agree. Took me way too long to work this out but my life’s so much easier when I’m not in a relationship.

Depends on the relationship. Personally I would find being with someone who got their opinions on relationships from random people on TikTok too much effort.

I wouldn’t say more or less work, it’s just different. And I have a good, hands-on partner.

For example, it’s less work because I have someone to take the bins out and otherwise do half of the housework.

And I have someone to run ideas by, someone in hand for emotional support, and generally speaking someone who is “on my team” at all times. Which makes life far easier.

However, I can’t just cook whatever I want for dinner every night, I need to consider his preferences too. And I can’t just paint my house whatever colour I want, or leave my pants on the floor if I can’t be bothered putting them away.

Well people are complicated aren’t they. I know I am far from perfect and my partner compliments where I lack, and I in term compliment his weaker points.

So if you’re in a relationship with a fundamentally good, decent and caring person then overall it won’t be hard work. Of course some annoyances and niggles (on both sides!!!!) but not hard work the majority of the time.

Being with someone who cares more about themself than they do the relationship / you will always be fundamentally hard work, even if there are some good points and happy times.

Being single brings its own negatives but nothing is quite as sad and painful as being in a bad relationship.

It depends on your partner, it will always be harder if they’re selfish, immature, lazy, cruel, controlling etc.

@WhatWhereWho I appreciate your point of view, however I would also like to point out I mentioned my opinion comes from my own personal experience in relationships, talking with friends and compared with tiktok videos I've been seeing x

I’ve been a single mum for 7 years- since DS was 6 months old. His dad is involved, and we coparent, but it’s far from equitable. I work 40-50 hours pw, do 80%+, of all childcare, all of the organizing, all of the emotional labour...

But that said, I know far too many “together” couples in which the women would say the same, plus they’re having to look after, manage and direct their partner. If exDP and I were together, this would definitely be me.

So really, I think I prefer to be single. At least I don’t have to take exDP into account! The only things I wish someone would do are the bins and the washing up.

I’m happier single. Every so often I feel I should put in some effort and meet new people, invariably I am disappointed. I think the decent men get snapped up early and by time you get to 35/40 we are all just recycling each others cocklodgers and cast-offs.

100% yep.

My life is far less complicated being single.

It depends on the relationship my last long term one was hard work , then i was single for two years and that had its ups and downs then i met my current partner and life is good

I divorced 4 years ago, dated a bit and had one more serious 18 months relationship which ended at Christmas.

Being single is infinitely easier than in a shit relationship. My marriage was awful for the last 3 or 4 years of it. I was so relieved when it finished.

However my last relationship was very positive and ended due to external factors, distance, work commitments etc. having had that relationship and the early years of marriage when this were good I think if your in a positive relationship where you support each other is probably better than being single.

I don't mind being single as I have learnt to enjoy my own company. I work full time and have my 4 children 80 per cent of the time so quite like time to myself! Day to day can be hard single at time but I honestly love going to bed when I want IE. Early. Sleeping in the middle of the bed. Choosing what I eat when I eat it, how I spend MY money, how tidy I keep my home etc. etc. I wouldn't swap that for a 'meh' relationship but would share my life with the right person. Life it chapters we have to learn to find joy in each chapter.

I think people are hard work, full stop.

Um, yes. Partners take time and you’re more likely to make the effort with eg cooking which is time consuming.

Unless they’re treating you, that is.

Agree - I am two years single and have never felt more at peace.
I have realised that I absolutely don’t need a romantic relationship in order to be content and fulfilled. I’m a lone parent, so I do still have a family and someone to love, care and provide for.
I have thrived since I have been on my own, much more than I ever did when I was in a couple. I’ve bought my own home, learned to drive, done a masters degree. There is no one to hold me back or compromise with.

I know it’s not the case for all - but the majority of people I know are in unhappy toxic relationships, with consistent drama and resentment. I don’t envy them at all.

My regret is not being single earlier, as I endured a couple of really unhappy and abusive relationships which tainted what should have been some of my best years.
Those experiences took their toll on me and have probably clouded my outlook somewhat, I just feel very cynical about romantic relationships.

I’ve been single for over 6 years, I’ve dated a bit but overall it’s been far more hassle than it’s worth. The longer I’ve remained single the less tolerant of mens bs I’ve become.

A few of my married friends envy the life i’ve carved out. Overall most are happy with the trappings of married life but I look at some of the men attached to these women and I shudder at the crap they have to put up with. One is being emotionally abused. Another newish friend confessed that she has to bribe her husband with sex to get her needs met, but then wonders why her self esteem and confidence is in the gutter. Far too many are putting up with pitiful excuses for human beings.

That seems clear and obvious to me. Being single takes no work. It's the default state. Building and maintaining a relationship with another person - of course that takes work. You have to keep the other person in consideration and make decisions together that you'll both be happy with.

It does have its advantages.
I think it also depends on your age and your stage of life.
Many women like myself are content on their own in their 50s. I can understand why someone much younger who wanted to start a family wouldn't enjoy it so much.

Hell yeh, I've been very happily single for years and would never consider a serious relationship ever again.

Me and relationships don't mix, I learned the hard way!

I've never found my relationship hard work tbh. I've been married for 20 years.

Of course being in a relationship takes more work than being single. It doesn't mean it has to feel like hard work all the time, but you have another person's feelings to consider, you have to talk through big decisions together.

Personally I don't want to put in any work at all, not even compromising with what to watch on the telly. So I stay single. Already got my DC and don't want any more so that's fine.

Yep same for me. Having no kids makes it simpler.

My partner is a high earner, he provides, cleans, cook.
He is emotionally intelligent, generous with his time and attention, affectionate, listens and family orientated.
And he is great at problem solving and very responsible with his money and his word.
He has great taste.
I think he is handsome and attractive and he is also a pleaser in bed

It took me many years and many failed relationships to get to this point and a lot of self work.

Some people find all the above earlier in life and there were times I thought it would be not possible for me but I never gave up and here I am.

Sadly everyone I had relationships with were too much like bloody hard work. They expect a servant who shags them every night as well.
I gave up years ago I can't be bothered with mens attitude and bullshit.

I think it can be more work in some ways, as you have to figure in another person.

However I've been with my husband for 17 years and this has made other parts of my life far less work. He is useful, loving, funny, kind, good in bed, attractive, works hard etc. The load feels evenly shared and he's the first person I turn to with anything.

Bad relationships are a lot of work and not much reward. Good ones aren't.