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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not being invited to best friend’s wedding

112 replies

Popcornlassie28 · 23/03/2024 10:24

I am torn with this one. Half of me understands it’s the bride and grooms day and they invite who they wish but then the other half of me does sting a bit.

She has been my best friend for over 13 years. Her Fiancé asked for help picking a ring and told me when he was going to propose. I spoke to her Mum about how excited I was when she left for her holiday knowing she would come back engaged.

She has said in the past I would be a Bridesmaid (sister MOH) and my girls would be flower girls as they call her Auntie.

Anyways, she informs me I’m not invited to the wedding and only the big party they are hosting on another day.

No falling outs. She just stated it’s a small ceremony and she wants to enjoy her day and not be stressed. I understand that 100%.

She is being quite cold and short with anything wedding related as I’m trying to be a good friend and show interest. However some other friends have said I should cut the friendship as it’s a slap in the face?

I’m so torn on how to feel.

OP posts:
vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 07:01

Orders76 · 23/03/2024 10:42

Did I read that right that you told her mum she was getting engaged, while she was away, hadn't been proposed to yet, and hadn't the once in life chance to ring her mum with the surprise news?

O. Yes. This will be it OP.

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 07:01

Popcornlassie28 · 23/03/2024 10:45

No. We all knew. We was messaging on Facebook and HER MUM said how excited she was and I said I was too. It was only family and I that knew. Jesus.😂

Ah ok

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 07:09

Maybe her fiance has pointed out you seem quite intermeshed and she's realised she needs to do this without you

Janpoppy · 27/03/2024 07:10

Lampslights · 24/03/2024 08:15

I don’t understand why you can’t just accept what she says, she’s having a very small wedding but a big party and what’s you at the latter. Why the drama over it.

Where is the drama?

Did I miss something?

Sidge · 27/03/2024 07:13

I can see why you’d be a little upset.

My then husband and I weren’t invited to his best mates wedding. I’d set him up with the bride who was a friend of mine. He’d been our best man.

I couldn’t say anything but I was definitely hurt. We were invited to the evening do which was just a pub gathering (rather than a sit down thing, or limited number event).

Fofftwenty21 · 27/03/2024 09:07

Maybe she is trying to be sensitive - I wouldn't be talking to someone about an event they weren't invited to. Maybe take the hint and stop trying to talk to her about that and ask about the party instead.

RadFs · 01/08/2024 18:35

Popcornlassie28 · 23/03/2024 15:13

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Her idea. I never brought up the topic. In fact, I have never brought up any topics of her wedding with her, I’ve only ever answered questions she has asked or discussed what she has discussed first.

When I say I’m trying to stay interested, it’s in what she has already brought up.

Also with her ring, she went shopping with her fiancé about a year a go and chose three rings she loved and wanted him to choose one of out the three. Her Mum was asked, Dad, sister and me. It wasn’t some seedy conversation between him and I😂 I am very respectful of that.

I agree with you. All the hype has been created by her and then it went flat. No drunken stories, never any drama. She’s the loud one and I’m the quiet one haha.

Thank you!

Hi @Popcornlassie28 any updates on this?

Caroparo52 · 03/10/2024 11:31

If its only family then you are not being slighted.

KimberleyClark · 03/10/2024 12:05

I had my cousin as bridesmaid at my wedding and she didn’t invite me to hers. She invited my mother but not me. I remain a bit puzzled and hurt to this day - she never explained. Not really in contact any more.

Justsayit123 · 17/10/2024 12:19

Ffs, just ask her.

Toomanyemails · 17/10/2024 12:37

Your other friends sound high drama.

I can't imagine not having a chat with my best friend about this! Along these lines but more natural and not a big speech:

"Is everything ok? I'm so happy for you about the wedding and I totally understand you want a small ceremony. I've noticed you don't seem to want to chat about it and want you to know I don't want any awkwardness if you ever want to talk about it, I'd love to hear what your plans are and won't be upset! If you prefer not to that's fine, let's talk about (TV show, other goings-on in your lives, whatever)"

Toomanyemails · 17/10/2024 12:37

Your other friends sound high drama.

I can't imagine not having a chat with my best friend about this! Along these lines but more natural and not a big speech:

"Is everything ok? I'm so happy for you about the wedding and I totally understand you want a small ceremony. I've noticed you don't seem to want to chat about it and want you to know I don't want any awkwardness if you ever want to talk about it, I'd love to hear what your plans are and won't be upset! If you prefer not to that's fine, let's talk about (TV show, other goings-on in your lives, whatever)"

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