Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

@BIossomtoes "Well we don’t, do we? Unless you were registered with your mum’s name."

But men do?

Men do what?

Own their names.

Well said!

It’s not a choice between your father’s name and your husband’s name. It’s a choice between a name you’ve had your entire life, by which everyone knows you, which links you to your family, and under which you may have a professional reputation…and a name for which none of that is the case.

…and anyway, where does it end? It’s not your father’s name, it’s his father’s. It’s not your husband’s name, it’s his father’s. Surely those names are just “on loan” from some distant ancestor too?

Unless you’ve handed out cards beforehand how are they meant to know?!

This type of thing just doesn't bother me.

Congratulations? Your bustle is in the post?

No you have every right to be Ms. I've been Ms my whole life. You sound insufferable because of the way you respond to posters. If you carry on like this in real life I'd imagine lots of people are deliberately calling you Mrs to take the piss. Its a Primary School ffs not your own personal giant soap box by which to change the world one pronoun at a time. Give your head a wobble.

Yabu and ridiculous.

You are choosing to try to change the conventions of language which have been in place for centuries.

Fair enough you can give it a go but surely you might have guessed most people will revert to the norm?
It's just silly to think you can announce your new infrequent language convention and think everyone will know, remember, care and comply.

It is a bit like the pronoun issue.

You can do your bit to change the convention, request and remind people and explain why, but getting angry about something inevitable doesn't seem like the brightest idea.

Fwiw I'm a Dr and I often get Mrs. I don't care.
It doesn't stop me being a Dr.

I'm very much a Ms, and make it as clear as I can. I took my husband's last name, but only because mine was rubbish and his was far better!

People still go for Mrs all the time, so I just correct them. It rarely makes a difference, but it's worth a try. I never sign up for anything as a Mrs.

The one that boils my blood is when relatives continue to send me cards addressed to "Mrs His-first-name His-last-name". Like I'm a chattel. I'm far less polite when calling that one out!

Yabu and ridiculous.

You are choosing to try to change the conventions of language which have been in place for centuries.

Fair enough you can give it a go but surely you might have guessed most people will revert to the norm?

how else do you change the norm though?

it was normal for men to be paid to marry women
for girls not to be educated as there was no point
women to be paid less than men
for men to be able to legally rape their wives.

so let’s not hark on about tradition, shall we?

I send them back.

I’ll 100% give this a go next time! 😂

Oh FFS
Get a life

Do men ever say to women "I hate my name, it's ugly and hard to spell. I think I'll take yours"

They don’t wait for a woman to come along if they think this. I know two men who have hated their name and changed it for something else. Both our daughter and Dil have changed their names - and were embarrassed to tell me because I didn’t change mine. My bloke’s ex, on the other hand, still uses his name. It’s ridiculous - I’m Ms B Toes and she’s still Mrs Hisname and we’ve been married for 24 years.

My bloke’s ex, on the other hand, still uses his name. It’s ridiculous - I’m Ms B Toes and she’s still Mrs Hisname and we’ve been married for 24 years.

why shouldn’t she be?

Wedding ring and possibly an engagement ring?

If you don’t wear them fine but you’ll need the name badge if you are going to let this annoy you. How else do you expect people to know you are a Ms rather than a Miss or Mrs?

Yes it's just like sanctioned rape in marriage... FFS.

I said she can try to change norms and her efforts will be one small step towards this.
But thinking you'll just instantly change everyone's assumptions and habits is foolish.

Tbh most people don't give a toss about your stand against the patriarchy and they're just getting on with their day trying to let you know Tommy has lost his book bag as they're running late for work.

Feel free to correct them in your mission to change oppressive norms, but winding yourself up because no body cares enough to remember and mentally self correct is harming you not them.
And tbh seems pretty narcissistic.

That's because they're used to it. Almost everyone else calls you Mrs (as you state in your post!).

Because they haven’t been married for the last 26 years and she’s been married to someone else since?

Really, I can’t really care what the term is as it’s not something I’ve encountered. My name is XY, no Mrs, Miss or Ms. I loathe Ms as it’s usually used as a cop out. You are either single or married or in a partnership and as you have double barreled your names, you are a Mrs. End of!!!

@Mum2jenny Nope. It was even Ms on the envelope on my marriage certificate.
The ignorance on this thread by some is staggering!!
I am a Ms.

@Mum2jenny Eh? How come you are exempt from titles but OP isn’t?