Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Would your husband ever want to be called 'husband of' as a title?

No one really gives a fuck what title people use, but there's a reason people don't like Mrs. Imagine if men had to be known as 'married mr Smith' once they were wed.

I’d assumed it just formalises the relationship appropriately, because ultimately it’s a relationship with a hierarchy. In the same way that your children probably call you Mum and Dad rather than Laura and James, and you probably wouldn’t really like it if they decided they wanted to call you Laura and James instead, even though those are your names that loads of other people use.

And Dr. It might take a while and be really expensive, but you can educate your way out of this issue

I disagree. Marriage does not need to be misogynistic! It can be simply a legal and financial arrangement these days, between two equals in a relationship. I wasn't going to own a house and have children with someone I'm not married to, for reasons relating to legal and financial security. But no way was I going to label myself by my marital status as though we're still in the 1800s. I was Ms. Now I'm Dr.

It's a historic thing that basically marks out which women are (theoretically) sexually unavailable because they're attached to another man, and which might welcome advances (because no woman wants to be unmarried, right?)

When you use Miss or Mrs, you're defining yourself in terms of whether a man has bagged you or not

I've always been a Ms, always will be

I'm my children's schools, teachers were always Miss or Sir. Interesting that the male teacher gets the more exalted title. This is obviously not sexist ... 🤦🏼‍♀️

@JacquesHarlow I agree with you - I can’t get my knickers in a twist about assumptions, life’s too short.

When people who know me and are a part of my life call me or my kids by the wrong surname after I have pointed out the correct version, that does annoy me: either they’re trying to make a point or they just don’t care enough to bother getting it right. But random people who have no reason to know differently, can’t possibly know how strongly I feel about it, and whom I can’t reasonably expect to consider my feelings every time they address me? Nah, they’re fine.

Because most married people are Mrs! Why do you care?

Until the mid 20th century Mrs was used for many older unmarried women, especially any professional working woman. It was like Madame in French. Mrs Crocombe of English Heritage fame was the unmarried cook for the Audley End estate. I don't have a problem with Mrs. What I don't understand is why we think unmarried older women should have to reveal their marital status by using Miss, which is a diminutive, designed for young women and girls.

Exactly. If someone refers to me as Mrs, it is basically implying that my marital status is more significant than my academic achievements. It's not. I'm Dr. Anyone who called me Mrs is wrong.

I did. Worth every penny.

Well there you go then… you’re the only married one who isn’t Mrs!

Sorry - it clearly wasn’t obvious from my post that I dislike Mrs as a title for the exact reasons you give here. I was just trying to point out that technically Mrs is not always the correct form of address for a married woman as lots of posters are claiming it is.

Absolutely. I tell my students not to call me Miss, and to call me by my full name and actual title. 'Miss' is condescending.

Exactly this. It's disgusting and archaic, and I can't believe that in 2024 women are identifying themselves by marital status.

I know some, but I also know loads who are Ms, Dr or Prof. About 50% of women I know use Miss/Mrs.

Because Miss, like Mrs, is still defining a woman by marital status.

I mentioned earlier that my pupils sometimes ask whether I’m a Mrs or a Miss. Sometimes I’ll ask them if they ever ask their male teachers what their title is. They invariably look baffled but sometimes it dawns on a few of them just how ridiculous it is that men don’t have to do this. Sometimes I have a little rant about how they’d never ask their male teachers what their married name is and we get into a bit of a discussion about it.

I should point out I do do some actual teaching too (🤪) but I think it’s worth making them think about this kind of thing from an early age. (My 9-year-old never forgave Anne of Green Gables for taking Gilbert’s name!)

Haha yep exactly this. There are loads of PhD holders who are teachers in my school. We are all referred to as Dr.

I could not agree more.

Yes! My husband was horried at the idea of taking my name when we got married. I had to explain that's how I feel about taking his!

Haha me too. One of my sixth formers told me she will never allow herself to be called Miss or Mrs, after studying 'The Handmaid's Tale'. Good for her.

Isn't that why they introduced civil partnerships?

'Miss' isn't belittling though, at least if it's somebody's usual title that they've had throughout their entire life?

What would be 'belittling' is trying to make another woman feel she had to change the name she's been perfectly happy with for many years because you think she ought to use something else, even when she has clearly said she'd prefer not to.

Not exactly!