Furious and scared doesn't cover it.

[AngryLikeHades]

I go to a community exercise group and the people there (in general) are very nice and friendly (including the class leader who is a very lovely person who makes everyone feel good about themselves).
It is a council funded group that has a safeguarding nominated person who I bravely talked about this to.
Anyway... there is a man in the group who I didn't know but do moreso now because I got chatting to him on the bus there one day. I am trying to get a disability bus pass for my neurological issue and he was reassuring me that I would and it was easier than before we share one disability so he knows how to get a bus pass for this specific one(I have tried in the past and got nowhere.. it's hard to get the bus company to agree and I've now sent more comprehensive evidence along.) After the group finished that time he told me that it was best for me to eat food soon because it isn't good for me (neurological issue that makes me forget and sometimes not want to eat) and that we should chat about and organise getting the bus pass over food. I was a bit hesitant and said that I didn't want to eat and he said just somewhere quick but I said I don't want to eat fast food today so we ended up agreeing to go to Wetherspoons.
We went to Wetherspoons to eat and nothing about the bus ticket was talked about. There was alot of awkward silences because I didn't want to fill them in and wanted him to realise what a tit he was being.
He asked me very direct questions which I was very assertive and clear about (I've had to work on that because I'm a survivor of child sex abuse).
He asked me if I was wearing nice clothes and makeup for him, if I had a boyfriend and if I wanted one.
He asked for my phone number and if I would come back to his place to play some music (he saw my face and was manipulative* *and said 'not like thatttt..'.)
I was very clear and said no to all of those questions because I was absolutely not interested.
I hardly know him and he even made reference to that fat when we were chatting.
Anyway, I ate my meal and left by walking out whilst he had his phone out waiting for my phone number that I'd said no to. 😵
I told the safeguarding person the week after who talked to him about it whilst shielding me and making me feel safe.
He hasn't talked to me or tried to get my attention until we went to the pub on our last day as a group (not a usual occurance).
He tried on and off to get my attention when I was with these nice people by saying my name and I just ignored him and he then doubled his efforts so I blew up.
He told me to calm down when I let rip on to him by telling everyone he won't leave me alone. I then got no response (I think he couldn't comprehend in his misogynistic mind that I couldn't be interested despite the safeguarder having a word).
I was so angry and told everyone in front of me exactly what he'd said that time. He said 'No I didn'ttt!!'.
I ended up telling him 'it's not me.. it's YOU!!'
I'm worried he made me look like a crazy woman. I hate his misogynistic guts.
Ps. I don't know what the safeguarder told him but she made sure that I could leave that time at a separate time to him (that one time).
I hate his guts 😡
Ps. I live in supported housing and when at Wetherspoons he tried to tell me that I should live alone.

Agree.

And, OP, you made your feelings clear by the end of the Weatherspoons occasion and he still persisted. That is a red flag. To me YANBU.

I hope he leaves you alone now. Speak with the safeguarding officer again and ask them exactly what they said to him before. You need to know that in order to make sense of his behaviour.

I agree. Massive overreaction.

I'm always on the woman's side but it sounds as though you are misreading situations and not reacting appropriately. I think you need help and support to navigate social norms.

This.

I think maybe one of the workers at your sheltered housing should assist you with applying for the bus pass.

Whilst this man at the exercise club may have the same condition as you, and therefore has a bus pass - neither of you talked about it at wetherspoons. you could have brought up the subject.

try and remember the safe guarder is not a security guard. You were kept safe at the exercise class, the safe guarder cannot stop you going to wetherspoons with this man, the safe guarder cannot stop this man from going to wetherspoonns with you.

I think the safe guarder is in a difficult position when the class chooses to go to a public place i.e. a pub afterwards, as i guess the safe guarder is employed to be at the class, but maybe not in public spaces, and that by joining the class in this public space was no longer actually ' at work ' but being sociable in their own time.

Did posting this nasty and patronising comment make you feel better about yourself?

I’m absolutely disgusted at some posters on here telling an adult with a disability that she’s “not normal” and “scary Mary”. Utter fucking nastiness.

N*ewname
*
OPs wording -

After the group finished that time he told me that it was best for me to eat food soon because it isn't good for me (neurological issue that makes me forget and sometimes not want to eat) and that we should chat about and organise getting the bus pass over food. I was a bit hesitant and said that I didn't want to eat and he said just somewhere quick but I said I don't want to eat fast food today so we ended up agreeing to go to Wetherspoons.

//

I read this as coercion. And dressing it up as an offer of help. But instead he tried to chat her up. That's not on

And yes they are both vulnerable adults. Doesn't mean he doesn't need help recognising boundaries of others. But that's notvOPs job

I think actually the sneering has been towards OP in many posts

I too think you're overreacting. You were friendly and open with him so he invited you for food to help you with something, and when you went to eat you refused to bring up the topic you'd gone there to discuss?! Why?!

Then he tried to come on to you and you walked out. The next time he saw you he said your name and you took this as some kind of sexual come-on?! Again, why?!

Just because someone is not romantically interested in you doesn't mean you can't ever talk to them again! Maybe he just wanted to speak to you to continue being friends, maybe he just wanted to pretend it didn't happen and clear the air because he was embarrassed that he'd invited you out and you'd walked out?!

It doesn't sound like he 'wouldn't take no for an answer' at all. It sounds like he DID take no for an answer, and you massively overreacted and were really dramatic and rude and OTT? I don't know about others but I personally don't assume that every man who says my name is sexually harrassing me.

He offered to help her and coerced her into going for food. This is on him

How did he coerce her?
They just went to the pub for lunch. He didn't take her there bodily.

he told me that it was best for me to eat food soon

and that we should chat about and organise getting the bus pass over food.

I was a bit hesitant and said that I didn't want to eat and he said just somewhere quick but I said I don't want to eat fast food today

so we ended up agreeing to go to Wetherspoons.

// I think this is coercion. Or as my old nan would call it, not taking no for an answer. Same thing. If you are being generous then it's absolutely applying gentle pressure to get someone to do something they don't feel comfortable doing

The fact OP in the end acquiesced is irrelevant. Sometimes women and girls find circumstances mean it's hard to come out and say no. Some people pick up on this and use it to their advantage.

He then went on to ask if she dressed how she did and wore make up for him. Agree he may too be a vulnerable adult but this does not give anyone the right to apply pressure to someone on the same boat.