Furious and scared doesn't cover it.

[AngryLikeHades]

I go to a community exercise group and the people there (in general) are very nice and friendly (including the class leader who is a very lovely person who makes everyone feel good about themselves).
It is a council funded group that has a safeguarding nominated person who I bravely talked about this to.
Anyway... there is a man in the group who I didn't know but do moreso now because I got chatting to him on the bus there one day. I am trying to get a disability bus pass for my neurological issue and he was reassuring me that I would and it was easier than before we share one disability so he knows how to get a bus pass for this specific one(I have tried in the past and got nowhere.. it's hard to get the bus company to agree and I've now sent more comprehensive evidence along.) After the group finished that time he told me that it was best for me to eat food soon because it isn't good for me (neurological issue that makes me forget and sometimes not want to eat) and that we should chat about and organise getting the bus pass over food. I was a bit hesitant and said that I didn't want to eat and he said just somewhere quick but I said I don't want to eat fast food today so we ended up agreeing to go to Wetherspoons.
We went to Wetherspoons to eat and nothing about the bus ticket was talked about. There was alot of awkward silences because I didn't want to fill them in and wanted him to realise what a tit he was being.
He asked me very direct questions which I was very assertive and clear about (I've had to work on that because I'm a survivor of child sex abuse).
He asked me if I was wearing nice clothes and makeup for him, if I had a boyfriend and if I wanted one.
He asked for my phone number and if I would come back to his place to play some music (he saw my face and was manipulative* *and said 'not like thatttt..'.)
I was very clear and said no to all of those questions because I was absolutely not interested.
I hardly know him and he even made reference to that fat when we were chatting.
Anyway, I ate my meal and left by walking out whilst he had his phone out waiting for my phone number that I'd said no to. 😵
I told the safeguarding person the week after who talked to him about it whilst shielding me and making me feel safe.
He hasn't talked to me or tried to get my attention until we went to the pub on our last day as a group (not a usual occurance).
He tried on and off to get my attention when I was with these nice people by saying my name and I just ignored him and he then doubled his efforts so I blew up.
He told me to calm down when I let rip on to him by telling everyone he won't leave me alone. I then got no response (I think he couldn't comprehend in his misogynistic mind that I couldn't be interested despite the safeguarder having a word).
I was so angry and told everyone in front of me exactly what he'd said that time. He said 'No I didn'ttt!!'.
I ended up telling him 'it's not me.. it's YOU!!'
I'm worried he made me look like a crazy woman. I hate his misogynistic guts.
Ps. I don't know what the safeguarder told him but she made sure that I could leave that time at a separate time to him (that one time).
I hate his guts 😡
Ps. I live in supported housing and when at Wetherspoons he tried to tell me that I should live alone.

You over-reacted.

But you sound quite vulnerable, and purely judging on the unusual style of your post (all the odd mixing of bold, italics and normal), as well as the content, perhaps your head isn't in the best place.

A man, who clearly likes you, invited you out for a meal. You didn't have to go. The fact you went, and sat and ate with him shows enough level of consent, that he thought it was okay to ask for your phone number etc.

Maybe he was a bit much, but as you said, he's also got a neurological issue that perhaps makes social interactions difficult for him as well.

Your behaviour was quite strange, but you did nothing wrong asserting a boundary by walking out. You did the right thing by telling a trusted adult that you were feeling uncomfortable. I hope you have other people in your real life that you can turn to for support.

Reading comprehension on here is appallingly poor.

It’s obvious from the beginning of the first post that the OP is a vulnerable adult, yet she’s treated to a pile on by ableist keyboard warriors, very keen to point out that she’s “not normal”.

It’s disgusting behaviour.

@AngryLikeHades Believe me, when I was younger I got hit on a LOT.
This man wasn't remotely interested in ''helping you with a bus pass'' - that was just an ''in'' for hoping you were interested in him- and going with him for the food would definitely in his male brain would make him think ''I'm in with a chance here''.

Best to go to CAB or other community advice centre for help with a bus pass, not some random geezer.

I can't believe how many women are blaming the OP for giving mixed signals or overreacting. I'm not ND and I would be bloody livid if some random bloke tried to force his attention on me this way - and yes it has happened to me on far too many occasions, in spite of me not projecting any kind of vulnerability other than being slight and female. Unfortunately, blowing up at them is often the only way they get the message.

Yes, ideally, OP should not have gone to Wetherspoons with him, but in no way is she responsible for being the target of unwanted attention. Women should not have to put up with this shit.

Take care of yourself, OP, and I think you should definitely talk to the safeguarding person again.

On the contrary, it's a perfectly natural, healthy and understandable sentiment. We don't all have to simper about beeeeing kiiind - we're completely entitled to get into a massive rage at catcalling douchebags.

If he's got the same condition as OP surely that makes him a vulnerable adult also?

Next time just say no to lunch if you don't want to go to lunch and consult the council about your bus pass.

With all due respect, I think we are talking about two vulnerable adults here.

Nobody is blaming the OP for anything, most here have been very helpful explaining what the mixed messages were and how to avoid them in the future.

And this isn’t some random bloke forcing his attention on anyone (well maybe a bit at the end but that’s missing a lot of context)

In class and at lunch the OP was a willing participant in the interaction.

Maybe I’m just really out of touch with the dating scene but isn’t asking someone you know out to a meal or coffee how you get to know them?

After she told him she wasn’t interested and at the same time went to the safeguarding person he left her alone. Again until the last bit at the pub… but to blow up like that was an overreaction.

Completely agree.

OP, I think you did well in asserting your boundaries, and please don’t ever feel like you have to go for lunch with someone who makes you uncomfortable. Hopefully this man just misread the signs due to his own condition and will now back off, but if he doesn’t, do speak to the safeguarding lead again.

What’s the alternative? “Yes OP, your reaction was correct, you go and smash some jaws in”.

Is it not helpful to tell someone (kindly) that their reaction isn’t proportionate, so they can reassess the situation, rather than blindly agree with whatever they say because they’re vulnerable or ND.

I’m not saying the man is entitled to a date or anything from OP. But he is also clearly a vulnerable adult and people are calling him a predator and a creep!

Quite.

Too many posters are ignoring that fact.

But the posts I’m referring to were not at all kind.

Yes exactly.

This.

I get people love to be arseholes on here, but you'd hope there would be a line.

100% this!

I read this as both of them being vulnerable adults, so I'm confused as to why only one party is being cut some slack?

Then you "blew up"? Because he tried to get your attention?

Multiple times, and he wouldn't take the hint. That would annoy me too.

I have a feeling that neither the OP nor the man she went for lunch with are capable of understanding social cues.

I don't think either was at fault. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances.

@AngryLikeHades you've had some hard to read responses here.

I think the most helpful way to look at things (and life in general) is you can’t control other people but you can control your reactions and how you feel. You’ve spoken to the safeguarding lead so now you can choose to not give this man anymore headspace!

I love how so many cool posters here have never been in a social situation with a guy they feel uncomfortable with and never experienced that horrible feeling of inaction, almost like a freeze response.

Sometimes we don't leave the situation when we know we should. I've been there several times and I wasn't a vulnerable person (except for the situation IYSWIM).

It's pretty shitty to judge someone for this.

Oh and for the benefit of posters who can't be arsed to read the OPs posts properly, this wasn't in any way shape or form a date. He offered to help her and coerced her into going for food. This is on him

Agree the jaw comment was off but this inclines me to believe the OP has reasons why she is vulnerable. I

And I get he could possibly be vulnerable too. But there is something quite deliberate in talking about helping her, pressuring her to go for food and then the odd conversation topics.

OP may have done in different to us but she's still entitled to assert her boundaries.

He sounds like a creep.

But you lost me when you started talking about your big bum and smashing jaws.

I've got a big bum amd I wear tight clothes...

Hmm 🤔 real or not...

I sang that to Sir Mix a lot's song...

Never sure why people on MN have to accuse people of being 'cool' (said in a sneering way) because they have a different opinion from them.

The way it has been described, there was no 'coercing' at all. Stop putting your own spin on it.

You seem to be conveniently forgetting that BOTH the people in this series of events have the SAME condition. BOTH are vulnerable. BOTH are neurodiverse.. I think it isn't unreasonable to assume that BOTH have difficulty in reading social cues.