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Original poster

To stay out of work until I have lost this weight ?

88 replies

stilltherage · 22/03/2024 05:38

I recently quit my job, due to many many many factors and issues.

I've gained quite a bit of weight now and with all the pressures of work/ looking after small kids / a husband that's not home a lot, I was finding absolutely zero time for myself.

I was just making quick meal choices, often not great ones and zero time for exercise.

Now I have time, I'm making really healthy meals and eating way less because of it, I'm also exercising a lot and very active.

I was working from home before but I know my next role is likely to require time in the office. I actually want it that way.

What I'm not comfortable with is office clothing and just generally being around people at the size I'm at.

I'm getting lots of calls about other jobs etc but I'm not sure I want to follow up on this stuff just yet. At the same time, I've never had a career break before so I'm anxious about it.

However, every time I feel like getting involved in one of those calls - I touch my belly and think ' no '. You need to sort this out first.

Financially it's not an issue.

I was thinking maybe having around a year out of work and returning when my youngest starts preschool and my eldest will be in reception by that time.

I may have to go in for a lower role / salary who knows, but maybe that's also not such a bad thing.

I do have anxiety around it. What will I tell recruiters / companies I'm interviewing with ? I have seen colleagues have time outs a lot recently and then they just continue working. Also, will I just forget stuff ? I did have two years out for maternity leaves and it was OK.

I am in tech if that helps.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 22/03/2024 05:55

A couple of things to consider. Trying to find a job after a year out is very different to returning to the same job after maternity leave, where your role is familiar and the job is there waiting.

I would only do this if you were ok with potentially never working again. Because what happens if you never reach the size you would like?

Healthy eating and lifestyle doesn't always equal the full weight loss you are hoping for, and avoiding situations where you feel uncomfortable is a short-cut to increasing anxiety. Unfaced fears only ever get larger.

I think it is much better to 'feel the fear and do it anyway', and go for a job - perhaps part time to give you more time for yourself? Or go for the lower role/salary if you want to decrease stress.

This will also hopefully show you that people don't care so much about your size as you do.

Dontsparethehorses · 22/03/2024 05:57

Don’t let your weight stop you getting the job you deserve. Put yourself first by making time to continue to eat well and exercise. Find a routine that works.

TayIorShift · 22/03/2024 05:58

Absolutely no one will care what weight you are, but I know that's easy to say when it's an anxiety you have about it. I have had weight issues most of my adult life off and on, but I'd never let it stand in the way of the job I want.

warmmfeet · 22/03/2024 06:11

Getting a new job and changing your routine could actually help with the dieting and weight loss. Don't wait! It could also boost your self esteem which might help to. You'll get there!

NeverGuessWho · 22/03/2024 06:13

Personally, I wouldn't. I agree with the previous poster. You might find that the longer you're out of work, the more you struggle to face going back - especially to a new environment with new colleagues.

You sound like you're well on your way to being healthy and active, if you aren't already there, so you should be expecting to feel more like facing the world than you currently do, rather than apparently feeling the need to hide away.

For me, from what you've said, the weight thing might be an indicator that your overall mental health isn't great. Had you said - because not going straight back to work would benefit your mental health, make your family's life easier, or being at work with your DH away would be unmanageable, that would be a different scenario.

It all seems to be centred on the fact that you don't feel aesthetically pleasing enough to be around colleagues.

You need to appreciate yourself, and realise that your worth as a person / employee isn't attached to your weight.

I can 100% relate to your post, and get the temptation to hide away, in the hope that by a certain point you assume that you will be ready to face the world.

For me, the longer I left it, the harder it became, but I appreciate that not be the same for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Beandoodle · 22/03/2024 06:14

100% I'd be taking time out to work on myself if I could afford to, good luck. Xx

Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:18

There are many many other benefits for staying off work, I just didn't put them here.

If I go back to work now or in a couple of months, I'm afraid I'll get super stressed again and fall of the wagon and keep getting fatter again.

In a year or so, there will be other changes too in H working hours etc. so that would help.

I can't go back to work with our current set up and not fall down. I'm basically suffering from burn out. Which is why I also left. The weight thing is central and important to me as well. But there's a lot more going on.

OP posts:
pinkmushroom5 · 22/03/2024 06:22

OP, in the kindest way, I don't think it's healthy to be linking your weight and body image to your job as strongly as you are.

There are many good reasons for taking some time out, some of them which you list - being stressed, having a lot going on, etc.

But when it comes to your body and physical appearance, that is going to fluctuate and change a lot through your life. You can't just not work whenever you aren't feeling happy with the way you look. You need to work on separating these two things.

Are you having any counselling at the moment?

Ideally, you need to work on being comfortable being in the workplace, despite the appearance of your body at any given time. It's really important that you can still live your life and it doesn't hold you back. You are not always going to be perfect or feel perfect in yuor body - you need to be able to continue your career despite this.

benjoin · 22/03/2024 06:24

I would speak to your GP, it sounds like you need support to get you back into employment, they might have a weight loss clinic. Whilst worries about appearance are common this one is actually making a MAJOR impact on your lifestyle. If you truly feel you can't work because of your weight please do something about it.

LadyWithLapdog · 22/03/2024 06:24

OP, I know of many people in tech losing their jobs nowadays. I’d be wary of being out of work for any length of time. Can you do part-time or freelance, to keep skills and contacts going.

Zanatdy · 22/03/2024 06:27

Not just based on weight but sounds like you’ve got an opportunity to take a year or so out to spend with your kids, so take it. They grow up so fast! In IT I wouldn’t take too much time out

Rosesanddaisies1 · 22/03/2024 06:31

My concerns are that the longer not working, the harder to go back into it - both in yourself and gap getting longer on CV. Weight and a healthy lifestyle has to be sustainable and I’d worry if you don’t work now; when you do go back you won’t be able to sustain it. No one will care what you look like. Do you have the option to find something part time or do freelance? Would keep your hand in but give you time to make sustainable changes to your health

WandaWonder · 22/03/2024 06:34

That is up to you it makes no sense to me but i will be perfectly honest and say if I asked someone to explain a gap in their cv and they came back with 'I wanted to lose weight' I would think it is either an excuse not to work or laziness really

Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:37

Rosesanddaisies1 · 22/03/2024 06:31

My concerns are that the longer not working, the harder to go back into it - both in yourself and gap getting longer on CV. Weight and a healthy lifestyle has to be sustainable and I’d worry if you don’t work now; when you do go back you won’t be able to sustain it. No one will care what you look like. Do you have the option to find something part time or do freelance? Would keep your hand in but give you time to make sustainable changes to your health

I'm a little worried about that too, which is why I posted. In terms of sustainable.

There will be some changes in our home life, planned for next year. So I could have more support from my H.

At the moment I was completely burning out with everything I had on.

By the time I can go back, this should have improved. We will also put different support in place, so the same thing does not happen again.

I understand what the other posters are also saying that it's absolutely categorically wrong to let your weight dictate whether you would he comfortable working etc. it's wrong and very silly. But it's not all it's about.

I just know that when I feel more like myself again, I can actually be better at work because I'll be less down.

I can't really do freelance or part time.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 22/03/2024 06:37

Agree it’s not good to link your health and weight concerns with whether or not you’re working.

would look at the financial / economic factors beyond the short term, which probably point to seeking work sooner.

Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:38

WandaWonder · 22/03/2024 06:34

That is up to you it makes no sense to me but i will be perfectly honest and say if I asked someone to explain a gap in their cv and they came back with 'I wanted to lose weight' I would think it is either an excuse not to work or laziness really

Well only an idiot would give that answer.

OP posts:
Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:39

Zanatdy · 22/03/2024 06:27

Not just based on weight but sounds like you’ve got an opportunity to take a year or so out to spend with your kids, so take it. They grow up so fast! In IT I wouldn’t take too much time out

Yes exactly. It's not just about the weight thing. The weight thing is a positive outcome to having more time to myself, which will make me feel better and give me more energy to put back into my life and work.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 22/03/2024 06:39

There are so many people in tech out of work at the moment OP, I would be wary of taking a prolonged time out of the market

Loopytiles · 22/03/2024 06:40

sounds like mental health was a factor in your concern about working: would sseek and oay for help with that. Have done that twice after some bad work/health times, and was able to remain in work.

Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:42

TeachesOfPeaches · 22/03/2024 06:39

There are so many people in tech out of work at the moment OP, I would be wary of taking a prolonged time out of the market

But surely that explains a gap even more ? Maybe by the time I want to get back in, things have picked up a bit.

OP posts:
MrsElsa · 22/03/2024 06:42

Why can't you do part time?

I got a job offer and said I'll do 4 days with 0.8 salary and they accepted

There are 2 other women more senior than me doing the same

DH's friend's company has everyone doing 4 days with no drop in salary

It's getting more common than you think

Scottishshortbread11877 · 22/03/2024 06:45

stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:18

There are many many other benefits for staying off work, I just didn't put them here.

If I go back to work now or in a couple of months, I'm afraid I'll get super stressed again and fall of the wagon and keep getting fatter again.

In a year or so, there will be other changes too in H working hours etc. so that would help.

I can't go back to work with our current set up and not fall down. I'm basically suffering from burn out. Which is why I also left. The weight thing is central and important to me as well. But there's a lot more going on.

You control what you eat, you need to learn to incorporate healthy eating into your routine whether you're working or not. I personally would not take a year off over fear of stress eating, I would just try to stick to a healthy routine that is maintainable.

Original poster
stilltherage · 22/03/2024 06:45

MrsElsa · 22/03/2024 06:42

Why can't you do part time?

I got a job offer and said I'll do 4 days with 0.8 salary and they accepted

There are 2 other women more senior than me doing the same

DH's friend's company has everyone doing 4 days with no drop in salary

It's getting more common than you think

I guess I could look for part time. I haven't seen much like that in what I specifically do.

However, I don't want to work at all for a bit. I've basically just had burn out and I do need a break.

I'm just trying to determine how long. As I'm getting a lot of messages from recruiters and I feel like I'm not really in the headspace to go for it.

Maybe after the summer- I can consider part time roles. I think that would be an option.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 22/03/2024 06:52

your OP focused on your weight; follow up posts on your bad experience at work and mental health.

it’s not a ‘given’ that long time out will benefit your MH or aid your weight loss goals.

there are a lot of other factors to consider. ‘Health’ and assumptions about working being bad for health shouldn’t necessarily have higher ‘weighting’.

i have MH and food/weight issues and have had some v bad spells at work. Would also have liked more time with the DC. But for me the top consideration was retaining my personal ability to get / retain a good and reasonably flexible job, earn, pension etc. which also benefits the family. I also continue to work on my health.

when you were working did your H do a fair share of parenting and domestic stuff? If not then that was probably a factor making it hard for you - and is unlikely to be helped by a spell of you doing almost everything.

ShowerEasy · 22/03/2024 06:55

I think this sounds like a terrible idea driven by anxiety, sorry.