To stay out of work until I have lost this weight ?

[stilltherage]

I recently quit my job, due to many many many factors and issues.

I've gained quite a bit of weight now and with all the pressures of work/ looking after small kids / a husband that's not home a lot, I was finding absolutely zero time for myself.

I was just making quick meal choices, often not great ones and zero time for exercise.

Now I have time, I'm making really healthy meals and eating way less because of it, I'm also exercising a lot and very active.

I was working from home before but I know my next role is likely to require time in the office. I actually want it that way.

What I'm not comfortable with is office clothing and just generally being around people at the size I'm at.

I'm getting lots of calls about other jobs etc but I'm not sure I want to follow up on this stuff just yet. At the same time, I've never had a career break before so I'm anxious about it.

However, every time I feel like getting involved in one of those calls - I touch my belly and think ' no '. You need to sort this out first.

Financially it's not an issue.

I was thinking maybe having around a year out of work and returning when my youngest starts preschool and my eldest will be in reception by that time.

I may have to go in for a lower role / salary who knows, but maybe that's also not such a bad thing.

I do have anxiety around it. What will I tell recruiters / companies I'm interviewing with ? I have seen colleagues have time outs a lot recently and then they just continue working. Also, will I just forget stuff ? I did have two years out for maternity leaves and it was OK.

I am in tech if that helps.

There's no need to justify yourself more than," I wanted to spend time with my young family", you have a child younger than school age it's totally normal.

However, you haven't mentioned how much you weigh or need to lose (unless I've missed it), there's a big difference between a couple of extra lbs and being a size 16 or being significantly larger with mobility issues. Your dad's comments are bound to give you self esteem issues but if you don't have any serious health issues related to your weight I would go back part-time, keep on top of current tech changes, easier to go back full-time when ready but still time to spend with family and keeping on top of things.

Tech is notorious for being very difficult to get back into after a break. The tech moves on, so do ways of working sometimes... Worth factoring in.

I hear you, my grandma used to say ‘you can be fat or a woman but never both’ - she died a very unhappy woman. I on the other hand am both fat and a woman and I love my life a lot. Your weight is something you can change over time if you want to, but don’t waste your time for happiness while you do it.

It’s ok to want to lose weight, but do it because you’re happy and you love yourself enough to want to, not because you’re sad and you’re disgusted with yourself. You’ll be more successful.

Best of luck and for what it’s worth, confidence and self esteem are massively important for long term weight loss, and work will help you have both.

I gain more weight wfh as I snack. Going into the office keeps me in check a bit more and being around younger, slimmer, cooler people than me helps me feel motivated not to be a house-frump (which I am when I wfh....).

Just because you’re happy and confident going through life fat doesn’t mean everyone should be!

I don’t think I said anywhere that everyone should be? You’re projecting.

I said it’s possible to be, and you should try not to allow how you look to dictate your happiness or whether or not you go to work.

Wind in thy neck, hen.

@Fannycakes I agree with you.

Your looks should not dictate your happiness in life. They just shouldn't. Looks will fade for everyone. Fat or thin.

It is hard to advise you because your rationale for this decision keeps changing with new posts. It starts with I don’t like the way I look, moves to mental concerns, burnout and then to wanting more time with your children.

The best advice I can give you is that weight gain is caused by either overeating or a physiological condition (e.g. insulin resistance or PCOS). It is hard to solve in a sustainable way especially if you don’t understand why you are doing it. You can eat healthier and exercise more and gain weight.

Maybe see a doctor and get a diagnosis and a sustainable help for what actually is wrong. I don’t know if burnout is self diagnosed or not. There might be other problems that have led to your symptoms.

Accepting that burnout is the cause of your problems. Burnout is usually associated with work overload but can also be as easily caused by being under employed. And sometimes burnout is caused by our own issues (therefore not situational) such as perfectionism or impostor syndrome.

I think you seem lost and perhaps avoidant. Not of work but of establishing and confronting your actual problems.

Honestly, as a successful 22 stone woman, I was about to berate you but....I think theres nothing wrong with wanting to get back into shape, mentally and physically, before you go back to work. Rather than base it on appearance, set youself some other girls, such as 'I want to be able to run 5K' 'I want to make sure I go to yoga once a week 'or 'I want to be able to fist fight a bear' lol. Setting some time for yourself is SO important with young children and its so easy to lose sight of ourselves outside of being a mother.

I dont work in tech so am not sure of the industry but I always remember the quote 'Well, be damn sure before you get off the Ferris wheel because the women waiting to get on are 22, perky, and ruthless.'

This might be a good time as well to look at some at home learning, or consider what you want your work life to look like for the next few years. I moved roles as I didnt want any additional stress so I could enjoy having children and not have to work long hours.

If your children are nursery and school age, could you not get a job working from home part time till next year and work out at home and eat healthy because you have the time

I’m going to go against the grain and say do it.

sounds like you’ve been having a difficult, stressful time, and if you just keep pushing yourself it won’t get any better.

I was fortunate to take some time off after suffering burnout and getting into some unhealthy habits, Mh not great, routine not great, weight gain just a symptom of it.

I was able to reevaluate myself and my priorities, get into a much better routine and become a better person before starting again.

Spring/ summer is a great time to get into a better routine and spend time with loved ones.

If you’re worried about losing skills, you can use some time to take courses or go to industry events to stay in touch.

just don’t tie your self worth down to weight so much. It’s a symptom, not the cause. Find a better balance, eat well and be active which will improve your well-being, find your calm and the weight will sort itself out.

Good luck!

I think if you framed it as ‘AIBU to take 2 months between jobs to invest time in my health and well being because I’m burnt out’ you might get different responses. But the way you’ve put it - no, it sounds like you’re putting life on hold until you’ve lost weight which is never a good plan. Change comes best from a place of self acceptance.

I've just had a few months off after being made redundant. I'm very overweight (24 stone) and I could have easily slipped into a mindset of being worried about my weight and people's opinions but I didn't. I know I'm good at what I do and that I'd be an asset to a company.

I started a new job 2 months ago (and made a complete change of job and industry) and my weight was never an issue to any or me. I wear what makes me comfortable not what is 'flattering' and no one has said anything.

Don't let your weight be a barrier. Plus since going back to work my food choices have been healthier and I move more every day which I love.

If you want to stop work then stop work. You don’t need to blame your weight or ask strangers. Sounds like your mind is made up anyway.

The longer you are out - the harder it will be to return.
you can easily explain a gap in employment as you have children.
when working you need to look at everything, are you working full time but then also running the home, childcare, making dinner etc as the mental load is real. Husband says ask me and I’ll do it. I shouldn’t have to ask. It’s obvious that we eat dinner everyday. Make something.

get a cleaner in to take that off your plate.

Buxom 😂😂😂

Congrats on the amazing career. Lots of studies have linked women’s earning potential to various aspects of their appearance, much like taller men tend to be more successful than shorter ones. Goes to show that sometimes talent and hard work count too!

First post has it

You don’t want to work you came here for people to tell you it’s ok to take time out. That’s fine. Take some time out.

I'm good. I was having a wobble, more about if I would still be employable if I took a few months off.

I'll wait until after summer and see what my options are.

I've got lots of experiences, a huge network and I'm also completely willing to step down for a while and take a less paid role.

I'll be fine. In time, something will come up that's right.

I'm happy in my decision and do agree that it shouldn't depend on weight loss/ body image. I should just own who I am.

If in the next few months I manage to focus more on my health and a bi product of that is that I lose some weight, then that's perfect. But if by end of summer I'm the same, but want to work, I'll try and find a job regardless.

It sounds like procrastination and excuses to me. I know someone who is forever putting her life on hold for weight loss "I will join that social club when I'm x weight", "I will start next week" etc etc, life passes her by. I wouldn't put your life on hold for weight loss. It may never happen and a year will have passed you by.

Why not go part time and have the best of both worlds, time for yourself whilst keeping yourself in the workforce?

Or take the time out completely and retrain/study whilst you take care of YOU, health, fitness, stress levels, MH and self esteem, could benefit from this approach. Good luck op x

i worked from full time in office to now 9:15-2:45 wfh with one office day and have done for the last 3 years. I have 3 children (two with adhd).

in Feb the local gym did a 3 month half price membership and I had the realisation I have to do something for myself. With my husbands end of work time varying I decided to go in the morning.

starting with twice a week and now going 4 times (next week will be 5 times a week). I leave at 6am, catch the first bus to the gym, do an exercise class and get back home for 7:40. To get the kids to school.

on Saturdays at 7:30am I have a driving lesson (husband works weekends at short notice).

as well as feeling fitter I have made friends, get some time to myself and have more self esteem. I have things to look forward to that are only for me.

i had to take my life back. I was so miserable and felt like I had just been stuck in a rut for almost a decade. Diabetic, high blood pressure and cholesterol. Always thinking of others and never myself.

now husband has had to learn to sort kids out in the morning and work around me by leaving just a little bit later.

I have demanded it. I actually smile now and a very old friend kindly said she has her old friend back.

Do whatever you need to do for you. If you want to be a sahm then do that. If you want to lose weight, you can find a way without leaving your job.
of you use losing weight as a reason to sah but then don’t lose weight you may feel worse.

I already quit my job anyway. I was just trying to decide how long to stay out for. I've made that decision and happy to live with the consequences.

Also there are SO many factors at play here, it's actually pointless to post about it and not include all of them.

But I don't want to out myself, so I just can't put it all here.

So yeah, the opinions are pretty useless based on such limited information.

But I'll take that body image should not dictate any of this. That's true for sure.

@Fannycakes I think I love you.

@stilltherage Your parents sound awful. Do you not worry that being off work would give them more hate to chuck at you?

I agree, fannycakes is great. We need more people like her in this world. Society shames us so much about being on the larger side.

Regarding my parents, actually they have been telling me for ages I need to take a step back from work and focus on my health. Not just weight loss but general health, like I said, there are so many other factors at play. Not just my size. They're very supportive for me to have some time out. And they were the ones that paid for my education to get me to have a career in the first place. But they still think health is more important for now and I can work when I'm ready to and ( for them ) when the kids are a bit older. They think it's better for me and for my kids if I'm less stressed right now.