To stay out of work until I have lost this weight ?

[stilltherage]

I recently quit my job, due to many many many factors and issues.

I've gained quite a bit of weight now and with all the pressures of work/ looking after small kids / a husband that's not home a lot, I was finding absolutely zero time for myself.

I was just making quick meal choices, often not great ones and zero time for exercise.

Now I have time, I'm making really healthy meals and eating way less because of it, I'm also exercising a lot and very active.

I was working from home before but I know my next role is likely to require time in the office. I actually want it that way.

What I'm not comfortable with is office clothing and just generally being around people at the size I'm at.

I'm getting lots of calls about other jobs etc but I'm not sure I want to follow up on this stuff just yet. At the same time, I've never had a career break before so I'm anxious about it.

However, every time I feel like getting involved in one of those calls - I touch my belly and think ' no '. You need to sort this out first.

Financially it's not an issue.

I was thinking maybe having around a year out of work and returning when my youngest starts preschool and my eldest will be in reception by that time.

I may have to go in for a lower role / salary who knows, but maybe that's also not such a bad thing.

I do have anxiety around it. What will I tell recruiters / companies I'm interviewing with ? I have seen colleagues have time outs a lot recently and then they just continue working. Also, will I just forget stuff ? I did have two years out for maternity leaves and it was OK.

I am in tech if that helps.

Could you buy yourself an outfit so nice you feel good in it, and a new haircut and so on, so you can feel confident at interviews?

Then maybe your next job could be WFH, part time, or both.

If full time, your earnings (compared to taking a year out) could pay for a personal trainer and a meal plan sent to the house.

If part time you'll have time to exercise and cook healthily, and still have more income and better career prospects than taking a year out.

I admit though, I might respond very differently if you wanted a career break for a different reason...

I read this......

"It's my parents. They've really really shamed me my whole life if I gained any weight. They're embarrassed to be seen with me now. Especially my dad. It's very damaging. He has massive issues which he's passed on to me. He always said, it doesn't matter what you are- you need to stay thin and beautiful. He even wanted me to have surgery.

He calls me pretty much every day telling me about a new diet to try. He stares at me when I eat. It's horrible."

.... and I really struggle to see how or why you still allow this toxicity in your life. Your father's contempt towards you is vile and you're a fool for accepting it. If they were my parents, they would never see me again.

Given your predicament I would say your focus should be in finding a kick arse therapist who can help you find your inner @Fannycakes . Then help you find a core sense of self that's unrelated to your parents awful views of you (preferably telling them to do one..I am so outraged on your behalf). Hopefully with renewed self esteem you'll score an amazing job and hold some work/life boundaries so you don't get so burnt out.

There is nothing wrong with taking a career break. People on here are obsessed with working full time and taking no career breaks ever. We have one life people! Go with your gut (literally!) and give yourself a different chance. Maybe you’ll find a new career path? Or maybe not, but you’ll appreciate having had the time to work it out.

Personally I always find it easier to lose weight away from home - I don't snack the way I do when you're alone and can just wander to the cupboards. I also walk or cycle in. I always lose weight when working in the office!

I would start working. These are new people, it's not like they knew you when you were much smaller. And see if you can keep up the weight loss in your new routine - be firm with yourself.

My daughter and partner are buying a house, with all of the money from the house she owns herself. I feel like they are rushing into it, also she has just had a baby and a big mortgage means she might have to work full time instead of part time. Here is the issue: I had a drive past the house and it is in a gloomy street, and way overpriced. It's not a terrific area. Do I tell her that I have seen it and what my thoughts are, or keep out and mind my own business. The new house is much further than me, I would not be able to pop in easily if she needs help, so I fear she would be a bit isolated. If I mention I have driven past the house, she may get annoyed, so the position is then worse!

You need a break, you can afford the break so take it.
Good luck with everything x

Aye, I’m not saying it’s easy to be successful when you’re massive and dress like a toddler Sarah Millican let loose in Dame Edna’s walk in wardrobe - I’m very aware people might form an opinion of me before they speak to me in the work place… I’m just not sure I actually mind? Like I say, I know I’m good at what I do, I can evidence that so if someone forms an opinion of me that because I’m fat I’m also lazy, shy etc I’m pretty confident I can make them feel a bit silly when they are forced to actually interact with me.

What matters and what you will always be judged on in reality is your ability to add value to a company/ workplace - no one gives a shit what you look like if you’re good at your job. Maybe if you’re shit at your job and look like a love island contestant you are valued too but 1. I wouldn’t know so given I’m doing fine I don’t think I need to confer myself with anyone else’s success and 2. I’d rather be insecure about the way I look than the way I think and absolutely EVERYONE is insecure about something.

The buxom thing was funny even at the time. We were pitching for a weight loss company as a client years ago and needed insight into what appeals to Slimming World customers. I hadn’t known this man very long and in the middle of a briefing meeting he stuck his head out of the meeting room and across a busy office we had the following conversation:

‘FANNY! You’re a buxom woman, have you ever signed up for slimming world??’

‘no Steve, can you explain to me what buxom means?’

’oh it means…voluptuous… a woman with… assets’

’…… do you mean large breasts Steve?’

’oh god! No I wasn’t looking at your breasts I just meant you’re larger in general not your… but I just meant in general and might you have tried to become smaller and uh… we just need a view in here if you have a minute?.’

’…….’

’i’ll leave you to it actually Fanny’

’ok Steve.’

He came over to me absolutely mortified later that day to apologise but by that point word had travelled about the incident and it had all become far too funny at his expense to be taken at all seriously. He is a genuinely lovely man and even though we don’t work together anymore I see him for coffee regularly!

@Bodacia you need to start a new thread, preferably in Relationships, do not under any circumstance put it in AIBU.

My goodness no one is the workplace cares about the size that you or what you wear. Why jeopardise your career opps because of the size that you are? In the kindest possible what what are you going to do duck out of work every time you are uncomfy with your weight? We as women know our weight goes up and down. Before you know it menopause may come and bite you on the stomach and there you are dipping out of work again. Go get that job!

I don’t have much to add here but I’d like you to know you’re not alone in feeling like you’d be more comfortable going back to work when you’re at a weight/size that makes you feel more confident. I certainly felt that way too in the past!
To me its almost like thinking that new colleagues will have a first impression of you that’s not quite the “you” you feel you are inside. And thats a tough feeling to have!
Do what you think is going to make you feel confident when you do go back to working. All the best OP

There seems to be so much fear around taking a break! Personally I would take the time out and focus on yourself and family then go back into it when ready.
With tech things do move quickly but you can calve out sometime to study and keep up to date with changes esp when less stressed. As you don’t have financial strains then even more the reason to take the break.
Also when you say you have put on weight. I mean how big are you? If it’s only overweight it’s not a big deal but if it’s impacting your quality of life then absolutely you should look into it.
Also when you go back to work you might find that you put on weight again if you are stress eating so get to the root cause otherwise it’s just a vicious cy or.

I'm sorry what!? I can't quite believe the 'advice' you're getting OP. Your mental health is far too important to force yourself back into a job you're not physically and mentally ready for, even part time.

Your intuition is telling you to take a break, do it. Work will still be there. Focus on your kids, and your physical and mental health. Meditate, go to a women's circle, dance, swim, whatever feels good and find yourself again. Being a mum and working full time is incredibly hard, doing that when you're burnt out is impossible.

So long as you can afford it. I get what others are saying about IT being fast paced. But when you're ready, you can spend the last few months training yourself up before looking for jobs. Plus who says you go back into the same field? Once you've returned to full confidence and happiness, other opportunities may present themselves.

I took 6 months out on stress, I've never regretted that choice. I also worked part time as a single mum for years when my child was young. Never regretted that either. Some things are just more important than money and a job.

You do you.