Dilemma - prioritise a house or IVF

[Mrsplant6]

DH and I have recently hit 30 and thinking about timings for TTC. We know we’ll need IVF, which we’ll need to fund privately, and of course no guarantee of success.

Currently we live in a flat we own in London which we love, but it's not exactly baby-friendly (no lift). If we were to have DC, we’d want to move to a commuter town outside London where we can afford a house/more relaxed lifestyle. Whereas, if IVF doesn’t work out, we’d likely stick around in the flat/London where our jobs and friends are.

We can’t afford to pay for everything at once and we’re grappling with whether to do IVF first, which could mean raising a baby in our current flat (not ideal but doable) until we can afford to move later down the line, or making the move first, postponing IVF for a couple of years as we save up funds again.

The dilemma is if IVF isn't successful, we could find ourselves in a family-oriented area outside London and possibly regret the move. We're torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives on which option to pursue first!

Is there a reason you won't qualify for the three IVF cycles on the NHS?

IVF, definitely - babies don't need much space and I'm sure you'd be fine where you are for a couple of years at least.

I would stay put and do IVF. If it works then you can think about moving when the baby is slightly older.

100% IVF while time is on your side.

We moved from Bloomsbury to a very family-friendly suburb of London just before we got married, and then for multiple reasons (miscarriages, work stuff) didn’t have a baby for six years. We didnt have the IVF complication but I did resent the lovely location for a fairly long time. I’m so happy to be here now I have two primary-school aged kids, but I’d have stayed in Zone 1 for much longer if I’d known.

FWIW, we lived in a second floor mansion flat without a lift until DS was 3, and it was fine. It helps if you have a car and nearby parking as we largely left the pushchair in the car to avoid dragging it up the stairs.

IVF first.

IVF.

IVF definitely, it can take years and the younger you are, the better your chance of success.

Plus fewer yummy mummies with babes and bumps around if you are feeling sad about a failed round, for example. (I am doing IVF and live in a family-orientated suburb so I speak from experience).

So many children are raised in flats. I honestly think it’s easier when they are young. If you’re central you’re closer to work so it makes going back to work easier. Closer to activities and things to do. No stairs in the flat - I feel like my life is just walking up and down stairs. They can play in their bedroom and they don’t feel so far away, it’s quick to pop your head in to check on them.

IVF first. It can take a while for some.

IVF and don't look down so much on flats. Lots of people raise children in flats

IVF. All day every day.

IVF first absolutely. Why won’t you get NHS IVF though?

In your position I'd definitely do IVF first.

Definitely the IVF, as others have said you don’t want to be in the family location until nearer the time, stay central and not all negative raising a baby in central london. I’d have loved Mat leave in central london

IVF - if it doesn't go well you are in a familiar area and if it does you have a few years to move. Babies are quite easy, it's when they get to about 5 you may want more outdoor space. That gives you six years to get organised from being pregnant.

@NCForQuestions not all local authorities give the 3 cycles of IVF on the NHS my LA only does 1.

@Mrsplant6 have you looked at going overseas? I have friends who went to Portugal and the treatment plus flights, hotel and food costs for three weeks was a fraction of the price of going private in the UK.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/nhs-funded-ivf-in-england/nhs-funded-in-vitro-fertilisation-ivf-in-england

Could you do one of the ivf refund packages (is it access fertility or gaia?)

The older you are the less likely it will work. Go for the IVF!

I'd do the IVF personally. You'll find there's never an "ideal" time to have a baby. There are always costs in life most people do not have a complete financial plan from birth to 18 years old - even then they will need help if they go to university.

If you do the IVF and it doesn't work, you'll still have your flat. If it does work, you could use a baby carrier so you can use stairs easily.

As someone who did ivf- absolutely do the ivf first. Age is such a critical part of it, and I’ve seen so many women on various forums kicking themselves for not starting sooner who are much older.

Don't postpone the IVF.

As someone who has been going through it for 3 years - honestly - the sooner, the better. It might take a lot longer than you are expecting.

You are fairly young now, but time will pass in the blink of an eye and you'll be 35/ perimenopausal before you know it.

I don't want to freak you out - but you should definitely get the ball rolling.

I’d usually say house first but in your situation definitely IVF first. You can raise a baby in a small flat if you have to for a bit.

Can you go abroad to have your ivf op? It's much cheaper and could mean you also get a house too.

Hi OP are you my twin?! I am also 31

We also own a 2 bed flat in London (second floor, no lift but at least lower service charges) and am experiencing fertility problems (unprotected sex for the past 8.5 years) . The difference is that we would want to move to a bigger flat (in the same area) if we have a child and i would probably opt to stay put with less debt in our current flat if we were childless.

For us, we are just doing fertility investigations on the nhs and put our flat on the market. Just try our best and if it works out, it works out.