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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dilemma - prioritise a house or IVF

105 replies

Mrsplant6 · 20/03/2024 17:30

DH and I have recently hit 30 and thinking about timings for TTC. We know we’ll need IVF, which we’ll need to fund privately, and of course no guarantee of success.

Currently we live in a flat we own in London which we love, but it's not exactly baby-friendly (no lift). If we were to have DC, we’d want to move to a commuter town outside London where we can afford a house/more relaxed lifestyle. Whereas, if IVF doesn’t work out, we’d likely stick around in the flat/London where our jobs and friends are.

We can’t afford to pay for everything at once and we’re grappling with whether to do IVF first, which could mean raising a baby in our current flat (not ideal but doable) until we can afford to move later down the line, or making the move first, postponing IVF for a couple of years as we save up funds again.

The dilemma is if IVF isn't successful, we could find ourselves in a family-oriented area outside London and possibly regret the move. We're torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives on which option to pursue first!

OP posts:
Peekaboobo · 20/03/2024 19:51

house first.

Owning your own home will help to relax you. Easier to conceive when you're relaxed.

Bonbonnes · 20/03/2024 19:52

IVF. No brainer.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 20/03/2024 19:54

Peekaboobo · 20/03/2024 19:51

house first.

Owning your own home will help to relax you. Easier to conceive when you're relaxed.

Are you taking the piss or is this genuine advice?

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 20/03/2024 19:55

Another vote for IVF. There’s no point being stuck in a baby friendly area with no baby. Get a lightweight pram like a YoYo and the stairs will be fine if a baby does come along, and the chances of that are better the earlier you start.

Darhon · 20/03/2024 19:56

Definitely IVF first

hban · 20/03/2024 19:56

IVF definitely

lateatwork · 20/03/2024 20:03

Flats are fine- totally normal in central London. I did it. Walk up. Leave buggy downstairs or get a sling. Also, smaller to clean. Lower bills. Surrounded by things and people you know.

Once IVF is successful, then you'll have more of an idea where you'll want to move to. Ideally before school starts so you can build up a network of friends.

Woahthehorsey · 20/03/2024 20:05

I personally vote house first, it's do much harder to remortgage etc once you have kids, and once they're settled in a school you'll not likely want to move them.

Plus IVF is something you very clearly want, so you'll find making the saving up for it more palatable.

I'd also really recommend IVF insurance. Meant we only paid once.

YourWinter · 20/03/2024 20:06

IVF first. It may happen at the first attempt, but - like so many others - it may take 5 years or more.

Imisscoffee2021 · 20/03/2024 20:06

I went private for ivf at 34 and was renting in London, it worked first time but we spent alot of our savings so to preserve our deposit and avoid nursery fees we've temporarily moved out so we can live on one salary. I miss London and my friends so so much but can't regret having a baby and we had to choose, a baby or continue renting/buy small flat in London as just us two. It was worth it but these huge life decisions always come with compromise.
Wouldn't worry too much yet about flat size, baby can go out in carrier or pram stowed downstairs maybe?

Zippedydoodahday · 20/03/2024 20:07

Any chance you can move to a job that has a fertility benefit? An increasing number of law firms for example will pay IVF up to certain limits, including for non-lawyers. I think it is becoming more common in other areas too.

Moreteaandchocolate · 20/03/2024 20:07

IVF!

PansyOatZebra · 20/03/2024 20:09

IVF first for sure. Just had our first baby and we aren’t in our forever home but I promise you it all slots into place and you make it work. And suddenly I’m a lot less fussed about finding our “forever” home.

Catnip19 · 20/03/2024 20:10

This reply has been deleted

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Fluffyowl00 · 20/03/2024 20:11

Have you looked into IVF clinics? I went with create and they did a 12 month interest free plan which meant I started my IVF straight away. I couldn’t believe it.. would have gone for it earlier if I’d known.

seeotter · 20/03/2024 20:12

IVF first, we did it that way as I also didn't want to be 'stuck' in a family house/ area if it was unsuccessful. Moved once they were 8 months old.

Elpheba · 20/03/2024 20:12

IVF. We had our first in a small 2 bed flat, one flight of stairs, stayed there until DC was 2 and only moved when DC2 about to be born. Was absolutely fine- babies don’t take up that much room!

TeaKitten · 20/03/2024 20:14

This reply has been deleted

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Do you think nobody should have children or is just OP you have a problem with?

MissSookieStackhouse · 20/03/2024 20:15

IVF - You’re already on the property ladder. If the IVF is successful, you can sell up and move when the child is a toddler.

Drearydiedre · 20/03/2024 20:18

Ivf if you like where you live.

Despite what you might think, it's quite striaght forward moving house with a baby or toddler. Kids take up a lot of space but not babies. You don't need all the kit that people try and sell you. Your only issue will be where to store the pram.

My friends moved to a family area before starting ivf and I really don't think it helped them watching all the neighbours kids playing out and every cafe being full of baby groups. I believe they would have been happier in London a bit longer. They were eventually successful with ivf and love their area now of course.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 20/03/2024 20:33

IVF for sure.

Also - my grandparents raised all three of their kids in a 1st floor maisonette in London - so there was stairs to their front door, and then it was a 2 storey flat as well! I'm sure it wasn't the easiest thing in the world but it'll be fine.

And plus as others have said, you're already on the property ladder.

Mistymist · 20/03/2024 20:40

IVF - you might regret later not starting it sooner.

L0bstersLass · 20/03/2024 20:44

Don't move without a baby. Voice of experience here. I don't have kids having moved to the perfect place to raise them.
Also, get going, Don't leave it too late.
Wishing you all the luck.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 20/03/2024 22:21

IVF first.

MumblesParty · 20/03/2024 22:30

IVF first.
Houses will always be there whenever you want to buy one, but IVF may take years to work, if at all. And with every passing year the chances of success drop.