Play date expectations

[Mryjkf]

My child has a group of close friends at school. They are starting to want play dates after school or at the weekends. I work full time until half five or six and it's too much after school. On the odd occasion we have had one particular child round, he was really ungrateful and caused an unpleasant atmosphere in the house. My child loves playing with him and wants him round again. My child has been to his house for some playdates and it is our turn to reciprocate but I just don't like the energy and rudeness the child beings here. When he's with his parents he is fine and generally polite. How do I navigate this? I've hinted to his mum before about the odd bit of rudeness but she laughs.

Nights are getting longer and brighter . Play day at the park?

I think you just have to suck it up for your kid’s sake unfortunately.

I'd just tell him "that was rude, please don't say that again". If he doesn't listen, I'd not invite him again after this.

Park after school if you can manage mid week. I worked full time and could not manage weekday play dates personally.

at weekends i stuck to one of the 2 weekend days and it was park or cinema until they were more mature.

I also don’t invite people who cause a lot of hassle.

My friends who work do a big group play date, so 4-5 kids in one go. Would that dilute it? How rude is he? Like sulking because he doesn't get his way? Or complaining? Or just not polite?

Thanks for insights so far. I don't feel I should suck it up for my kids sake to be honest as his attitude really affects the whole house. One time I felt a stranger in my own home. It was awful. Don't want to say too much in case it's identifiable.

Just tell him off for being rude.

It’s possible your child is also rude when he’s on play dates without you, you know. I didn’t invite housewreckers again, but I used to sometimes negotiate getting home early on Wednesdays, and taking a whole bunch of DS’s friends home from school with us — save them all up and do it in a bunch.

I can't do playdates in the house anymore. My child seems to attract really hyper bouncing off walls can't sit down and rub biscuits in the furniture type of friends. Playdates are purely outside.

Just has little respect for instructions. So he was trying to initiate a cushion fight in the living room and I told him not to, a fair ew times and he carried on. Tried to exclude my other child. When I suggested we should all do a puzzle or some crafts to calm down he said that it was boring and he walked out of the room to play elsewhere.

How old are they?

I find a couple of my daughters friends very rude. Things I’ve tried are telling them off for being rude. Only having them over for a max of 2 hours. Not having them over a meal time. Telling them I’ll call their parents and have them collected if they don’t tone it down.
What is it he’s doing? I don’t understand how a kid being rude managed to cause you so much distress. Yeah I get it’s annoying and I don’t like it. But it doesn’t upset me

Almost 9.

Ok so excluding your other kid is just normal I think. I have to have 2 sets of friends over because if I don’t one gets left out. They don’t want to play with their sibling when there is a friend over.
Likewise not wanting to do a puzzle, yeah he’s rude. But some kids don’t like crafts or puzzles. Generally I let them play what they want unless it’s destructive. If they are getting wild I throw them in the garden.
The pillow fight I would have said if you don’t pack that in right now I’m calling your mum to pick you up.

This.

Almost 9 yr olds don't want to play with siblings.

Sounds awful! I think I’d explain to the Mum ‘so sorry with me getting back from work late we can’t reciprocate play dates at the moment’. Then it’s up to them if they carry on having your child over.

Your child don’t missing out by not hanging out with a rude child! Then hopefully they’ll find new friends. There’s no rule that you have to have play dates. Especially if stressful.

She told him off a fair few times. He clearly doesn’t care or listen. I would not have him over again.

Only have over with parents?
I invite parents over at the weekend in summer for a coffee/ drink in garden, and child can play whilst parents are there to control them.
Otherwise at the park also good, again with other parents there to look after their child

Honestly? As PP says, tell him! If he's not the same in front of his parents then he knows what he's doing and can be justifiably set right.

I did selective play dates with the Mums I liked for coffee/wine and then they could supervise their children. But it was no coincidence that the Mums I liked had nice children I don’t think.

He's just deliberately rude. When he was eating food, he kept messing with it and my partner told him to stop as he was being messy. He just carried on laughing and trying to get my child to join in. It's just hard to explain. He kept calling me "she" to my child. And I said, please don't call me "she", I have a name. Then he just spent the next minute or so saying " she she she she she she...." over and over again.

She’s told him! Lot of times. He doesn’t listen.

50 years ago I was at a friend's house for tea and her mother asked me:
"do you like cucumber?" and I replied:
"yes, I do" and she snarled back:
"YES PLEASE !!"

If she'd asked "would you like cucumber?" I'd have said"yes please"

She later told my mum that I'd been rude. I was 6.

After reading your updates no I wouldn’t invite him, he does sound rude and 9 is old enough to behave or know how to behave