To find colleagues comments a bit odd?

[chemteail]

We’re both working to get the same qualification. I’m 2 years in (have one third left) and she’s just started.

She’ll bring up her one exam constantly and tell me how difficult it is and everything you have to learn. When I did that exam 2 years ago.

She sat it yesterday and told me that you use laptops in the exam and not pen and paper. Like yes having sat 20 exams I’m well aware.

I never mention mine, she only knows how far I am because she specifically asked me. It’s just odd that she talks to me like it’s a completely new concept to me.

She knows you’ve been through it so is seeking empathy because no one else would understand by the sounds of it.
Shes expecting a ‘yes it was difficult….I agree, it is hard going….yes each exam is on a laptop, no pen and paper these days’ bit of support. I wouldn’t find the comments odd at all, she’s just trying to chat it over with someone who’s been through it.

What happens if you reply in a way that makes it obvious you’ve just experienced it? Does she acknowledge it and change her tack or not?

I doubt she's telling you as she thinks you don't know. Just sharing her experience. You could always just say 'yeah I know, I did it 2 years ago'. But she'd rather you probably shared a bit of your experience or just gave her some empathy.

Well she goes on actual courses with people doing that exam. I self study and frankly I’ve done 12 more exams since that one and can’t relate to it or share my experience as far too much have happened since.

She doesn’t say anything

The people she’s doing the course with would understand.

It’s like someone in Year 9, trying to get someone in Year 11 to have empathy for their work and telling them how difficult Year 9 is. Surely if they want empathy they talk to their peers.

Is it not tempting to respond with ‘ha ha wait till you get to the next bit’?

Sounds as if she just wants some empathy from someone who's been through it.

A friend of mine is doing an Open University course at the moment which includes a module that I did several years ago, and of course she's been talking to me about it - telling me what the tutor group forums are like and how precise the assignment requirements are, etc. But she isn't telling me to imply that I don't know. She's just offloading because she knows I'll be able to say "Oh god, yes, I remember how hard that assignment was, especially when nobody in the tutor group shares any feedback, right? Really annoying."

I honestly think your colleague is just hoping for a bit of solidarity from someone who has been in her shoes, that's all.

“I find my colleague a bit odd. I have nothing in common with her apart from some professional exams we are both taking. Every time I try to engage her in conversation she just looks at me blankly. Shall I just give up with her entirely?”

She's just making conversation over common ground.

You sound very literal and cold. Do you have trouble communicating with people in other aspects of your life?

Honestly, you sound a bit odd.

I think between colleagues or friends, it's perfectly normal to talk about something you've both experienced, even if there's a gap. Just like I was sympathetic and understanding of the friend I saw over the weekend whose children are younger. I'm not in that space any more, but of course when she said how frustrating it is that her 1 year old is constantly trying to climb stairs or bookshelves or whatever, I said, "oh, I know. It's relentless at that age isn't it. Here, do you want me to watch him for a few minutes while you're making the tea?"

I’ve got two boys, one in y9 and one in y11. The y9 boy will sometimes come home talking about bits of his work or exams and the y11 boy empathises with him, talks about it, says what it was like when he did it, issues dire warnings about what’s coming up next. The y9 boy of course talks to his friends in his year but he likes hearing from someone a couple of years ahead.

I would consider talking with a colleague about their recent experiences (2 years ago is recent, not the whole age you’re implying) to be a totally normal thing to do. Fair enough if you don’t want to talk with her about it but I think you’re being odder than her. It’s like you view her as a hugely inexperienced child who shouldn’t annoy the grownups, but you’re only a couple of years ahead in study.

So because you did something 2 years ago you can't empathise with someone else doing the same?
I can empathise with my kids and nieces/nephews about how difficult school/college/uni is at whatever stage they're at and I left school nearly 30 years ago!

In fact further than that with your yr 9/ Yr 11 comparison, when my DC was Yr 9, my nephew was in second yr of college and he would chat with him about the upcoming GCSE years.

In honesty, you're appearing quite snotty about it and one of those who puts their arm around their book in lessons just in case anyone could see what notes you were taking.

No. Not at all. I have a great social life (when not doing exams), have many friends, wonderful partner. I don’t have a free weekend now until September in fact.

A huge part of my job is communication based. I’m so good at it that since starting this career 3 years ago I’ve increased my salary by 70%.

Just shows (strangely enough) that you probably don’t know someone’s personality based on a couple of anonymous posts on a forum.

It’s not just something I did. I’ve done that exam and probably 12 more exams since then so no I don’t remember it based on reading the title because so much overlaps. I’m still working towards my qualification - there’s 27 exams in total.

I don’t need someone telling me you use laptops in exams when she knows full well I would know that. She tells it me like it’s new information. Do you want me to tell you to use an umbrella when it rains?

If she wants to discuss certain topics I’m happy to do that. But her saying how hard it is when she hasn’t even sat an exam when I’ve got through it for a few years then no.

Completely different and you sound odd

Maybe if she were telling you things about babies like you’d never had one then it’d be the same.

I'm with the others and also feel that it is you who is acting oddly.

Now that I've seen your additional posts I'm convinced it's you thats the odd one.

Just tell her to fuck off if you don't want her to talk to you. I'm sure she will too.

That’s just normal workplace type conversations, it’s odd that you’re finding it odd.
”I had to do it with a pc” I know I found that difficult at first as I’m used to doing it with a pen.
”it’s really difficult” yeah it sucked

Agree with pp, she’s just expecting a ‘oh yeah I remember that exam - it’s weird not having a pen and paper isn’t it?’ from you.

You could even…and I know this might be pushing the boat out a bit…give her some friendly advice seeing as you’ve been through this part of the course already?

I’m Another one that feels it is more you being unusual. I’ve done several degrees and now have my own students- it’s pretty normal to get advice and empathy from people who have done it before, either recently or even years ago! I wouldn’t dream of responding with a ‘those are easy exams I don’t even remember attitude’

She's clearly just trying to relate to you over common ground.

Don't worry though, she'll eventually get the message that you aren't interested in being nice to her and will stop bothering.

Is this all based on some kind of superiority complex? Or feeling in some way threatened? It's odd to me that this kind of conversation would ever bother you enough to start a post on it.

Just encourage her and be kind. Or politely avoid her.

I've had this, OP, with a couple of people (separately) doing something that I had done years before. I did tell them I'd done it, but they each kept explaining it to me, as they might have done to somebody who knew nothing about it. I concluded that some people are a little odd, and stopped engaging with them about it.