To want to ignore the school recommendation?

[MoreBadNews88]

School has recommended my DS repeating reception year.

He is v happy boy and his behaviour has transformed recently. He was put on ASD waiting list at 3 due to some pretty concerning behaviour at nursery

Lots of routine and a great primary school means we have turned a corner. No more hitting or destroying things.

But he just is very behind. He can't write anything with a pencil. He's 5. He scribbles or smears. He recognises letters, speaks well and is great with numbers and maths but I can 100% see he's unusual.

Anyway they are gently suggesting he stay back a year. I do understand. But this will affect him for rest of school. He'll always be oldest by months and he's tall for his age so towers over kids now. He will stand out like a sore thumb - I don't care but I worry he will as he gets older. And all his friends will move without him and he definitely understands enough to be upset by that

Anyone have same recommendation and go against it? Or have any advice? My instinct is saying no, but I know I need to listen to the experts

It is really common in private schools due to SEN, moving from a different educational system or because they are summer born. The state sector is far less flexible and that isn’t a good thing. It doesn’t cause problems and helps the child. The least disruptive time to do it is at reception or when moving to a new school.

it sounds like he’s made so much progress you must be very proud. 💜

I am a teacher and I wondered if anyone has explained the year one curriculum to you? Or even the end of reception? How would his day look in year one? Our year one children don’t access any play. If he’s now sitting for 5 minutes what would he do in year 1? Our year 1 sit all day. Reception children leave being able to write sentences and build on this in year one. What would your child’s day look like in year one?

Whatever, decision you decide I hope it works out for you both. Good luck. 💜

It won’t be because they’re out of age though. It’ll be for the reasons they’re out of age in the first place, and the fact that school and formal exams aren’t suited to everyone.

OP, if things are as bad as the school appear to be suggesting why haven't they applied for EHCP. My concern would be that they are avoiding putting the appropriate support in place by suggesting he stays in Reception. You can apply for EHCP yourself, you don't need the school to do it and you don't need any diagnosis.

With regard to your son being behind I have found with my DS (ASC) that learning and progress has never been linear and he really went in fits and starts. The way his Reception teachers spoke about him he was the most useless child and I used to dread the negativity and it really felt that they were writing him off at the age of 5. Yes, it took him longer than the rest of his classmates to learn to read and write but once he did he absolutely flew. He also responded to some teaching styles better than others. I would expect the school to be putting support in place now if they have identified a need. I also wouldn't be fobbed off with them waiting for official assessments from OT etc because in our experience they rarely follow the recommendations unless they are specifically categorised in an EHCP (and sometimes not even then!). I would also be weary of making a decision now when we aren't even 2/3 of the way through the academic year

My youngest is a summer born (June). She was not ready to start school so we delayed her a year and she is the oldest in her class by around 3 months. That year extra at nursery made a huge difference. She’s on track with the work in year 1 and takes pride in what she is learning. I sometimes volunteer at the school and the youngest kids are often struggling and having difficulties. It was the same in my older child’s class. I am so glad we made the decision to wait a year. I think you should go with the school’s suggestion. If it becomes obvious later that he’s ready to rejoin his cohort he could do that. But it isn’t good for a child to struggle and be behind.

I would repeat. If this gives him the best chance to be on the same level as his peers, instead of always chasing them, it sounds like it would be advantageous for him. More and more parents seem to be moving away from putting kids into a school as young as possible, and actually holding them back to be one of the oldest in the year, instead of forcing kids who are basically toddlers to start school, and I agree whole heartedly with it. This way,m he can focus on the same learning tastes at the same rate as his peers if he repeats, instead of always playing catch up. Does he have an EHCP?

@CarrotHeadRoots your message was lovely. But also made me cry a bit. Writing in full sentences feels an impossible dream. I don't know how I've been so clueless to how much he's struggling. His teacher and me always have such positive conversations because when he started he was such an angry boy and now he runs into class smiling. But I feel like a prize idiot because if kids are writing in sentences, my boy can't draw or write anything, not a letter, nothing. And I've been going round telling family how brilliantly things are going these days. I guess I haven't fully accepted the reality.

Things are going brilliantly for him at his pace. The key now is to make sure that the plan moving forward best supports that.

He sounds like he’s made amazing progress but the things he’s achieved would be what Nursery are working on, not reception so if he goes to Year 1 it doesn’t sound like he’ll have even begun to tackle some reception objectives. I think repeating the year could really help him, especially as he’s not the youngest but needs more support.

I'm not a big fan of how Year 1 classrooms look in England. I think it's really important you find out what it is like at his school. For most schools the continuous provision is very limited and reduces as the school year goes by.

In Reception a child can access the outdoors most of the time, find a quiet area, can choose where and how to interact. This can help a lot of children to better manage their behaviour. To give an example, if writing is an area you are trying to encourage he probably currently has the options of drawing with chalk outside, writing in the sand, drawing on the interactive whiteboard, sitting at a table, rolling on the carpet while drawing, drawing big letters with stick. Next year writing will take place sitting at a table in a book. At best he will probably sit on a separate table with an adult and other children who require support. If he needs some fresh air or wants to move about he will likely have to wait until playtime.

I honestly believe it's the biggest jump in schools in terms of expectation. My personal opinion is that 50% of children could do with at least another year in Reception. In your situation I would repeat the year. You know it's good setting because he has made so much progress already so you already know he can cope with it. I don't believe it would hold him back in other areas such as mathematics because EYFS learning is very open ended and explorative.

This thread is making me doubt myself as well as none of the described expected achievement at the end of reception match the expectation at my children's school. None of my children have been able to write in full sentences by the end of Reception. I don't believe for a minute every child leaves Reception at that level. They certainly weren't sat down 100% of the time in any of the years below yr3.

Oh OP. I don't have any useful advice, but I just wanted to say you sound so wonderful - your love and care for your boy (who also sounds amazing) absolutely shine through. He is so lucky to have such an excellent mother, and that will make more of a difference to his future life than any single school decision will.

Wishing you both the very best of luck

Hi Op,

I had a similar situation like yours. When my son was in reception (he is summer born) he couldn’t write nor colour in, he couldn’t hold a pencil at all and couldn’t read. Could count but not reliable. He was on pathway for ASD and later was diagnosed with it in year1.

Before he finished his reception, the school had plans for him to move to year1 but would be spending sometimes with year R in the afternoon.

However when he moved on to year 1. School was so busy and they had lots of children who needed help in year R so my son was never sent to spend time with year R.

He is now in year 2. He has improved so much, some in line with his peers or above. He had a very good teacher and a TA who were fantastic in year1. If he was kept back a year in reception he wouldn’t had these teachers as they moved to different class now.

We do a lot at home to help with his skills. I believe this is the main factor that he has improved. If someone told me two years ago where he would be, I wouldn’t dare to believe it.

School did give him an adult to help him in year R, year 1 and 1st term in year 2 but not now as they say he is fine. He has no Ehcp. We may need it. We have regular meetings with the Senco. The main reason for this is he is easily distracted but no tantrums or meltdown. He did have tantrums and meltdown until half way through Year1 now we no longer see it.

Trust your feeling what you think would be best for him.

I wish you the best.

Lots can't but to meet the expected standard that's what you need to be able to do.

Not all schools look the same. Schools can choose what their classrooms look like and some carry on with continuous provision much longer. They do this in Wales.
There is an expectation of being able to write in sentences in Year 1. Of course a percentage take longer to be able to do this. I think it's important to know what the National Curriculum expectations are. The teacher will be modelling sentence writing.

In work I've recently had two little ones stay back to repeat an academic year due to additional needs. Its been planned well with them spending most of their time in F2 and gradually increasing time in Y1, which is where they should be chronologically. By the end of the year they'll be in Y1 full time and hopefully ready to go up to Y2, just needed some extra nurture

I think your love for your son is shining through. I feel emotional for you! My child is 5.5 and I deferred their start to Reception for various reasons. They’re summer born but there’s only a few weeks difference between them and the oldest child in the cohort.

My child doesn’t (as far as I know) have ASD or anything along those lines. They’re technically older, very bright, emotionally mature and great socially. To give you an idea of what they’re doing in Reception at the moment - writing lots of sentences, reading several Biff and Chip style books a day, number stuff (double numbers this week, I’m not entirely sure what that is!). When I look on the classroom, the majority of children (90%) have written sentences and all can write their names.

I don’t think for a second my child is a genius, but being that tiny bit older has absolutely given them a huge confidence advantage in Reception. They feel very safe, too, which enables learning.

It sounds like your boy started school from a place of not feeling safe with dysregulated behavior and now feels able to make some progress which is AMAZING. Those are some big strides he’s taken. Can you consider this year as a ‘settling in’ year with no academic expectations and then next September start him in Reception again with a goal of him being able to write and read and concentrate by the summer? And at the same time push for the EHCP that will help him for KS1?

I honestly think the school has his best interests at heart. It would be potentially awful for him to progress into Y1 if he’s not ready and to feel bad at not being able to keep up with his peers.

S9unds as though reception is the right place for him and he would benefit from a second year there - his behaviour has benefitted but he he needs more time to master some skills - it would be good to capitalise on that rather than asking him to struggle with something that would be hard for him. Children develop at different rates and there is no shame in that.

One of my DDs struggled in school (she has an MA now!) and would have benefitted enormously from being given a similar opportunity. She coped, but I would rather she had thrived.

Schools usually very against this, I'd be grabbing the opportunity with both hands

Also it is worth remembering that there really is no rush - he has years and years to master skills and will go at his own pace. In some European countries they would not even ask them to develop these skills at this age. The stages at which skills should be mastered are an artificial construct - they have nothing to do with the individuals.

Oh OP he is doing brilliantly, and so are you. He’s probably made more progress than half the children there, they’ve just had different starting places.

I have a child in reception who is naturally suited to sitting and writing and reading and I still think that Year 1 sounds like a big jump. There’s so much expected of them and I can only imagine the pressure you’ve been under.

Whatever you decide, I hope you take the time to recognize how brilliantly you’ve both done. Your love for him shows here and he’s lucky to have you in his corner.

The step up to y1 really is quite big and comes as quite a shock. My eldest’s year missed quite a lot of reception due to lockdown and the school basically took the decision not to move to the y1 curriculum as so many of the children would have struggled. They did an extra term of reception essentially and then had a much more gradual transition. Even then there were a lot of behavioural issues as they children with additional needs struggled massively with losing the free play setting and didn’t have dedicated 1:1 funding in place until the end of y2/start y3. My daughter was always ahead in reception, v well behaved etc but she noticed the transition and used to complain about having less time to play. Y1-2 and 2-3 didn’t seem anywhere near as big a jump.

My other daughter is now in reception and she is writing sentences of sorts. The expectations at year end really are very high for 4/5year olds. I never quite appreciated just how much they have to get out of such little children within a year until mine went to school.

If he'd be keeping this same teacher, then I would seriously consider accepting their recommendation. If she's wonderful and has transformed him this year, imagine how much more she could do with him for another year?

He may very well get quickly overwhelmed with Year One, as it's a big leap from Reception to Year One.

I'm a former teacher, I think an extra year at Reception could be a really good thing, and not a disadvantage long term whatsoever, so please do not see this as a bad thing.

Please don't feel like that because you are right that things have been going brilliantly.
Take it from me, if he has been going into school, feeling positive, not getting frustrated and lashing out, then you have seen amazing progress.
I realise it's sometimes difficult to think in this way, because we see it as a given, but wellbeing really needs to take centre stage, throughout our lives, and it starts by demonstrating this during childhood, at school.
Your child will reach his potential, whatever this may be, if you can help ensure he is in a positive environment for learning and continue to encourage his progress, whether it be fast or slow.

I also say go for it. Reception is so much more nurturing and it sounds like your little one is thriving there. Just to add another perspective, I’ve taught (mainly KS2) for a long time and have had plenty of children over the years who are a year or two older due to English not being their first language, trauma, SEN. Honestly, kids don’t notice after the first five minutes. It’s never been an issue. Kids are naturally kind and accepting, your child will just be another one of their peers. Whatever you decide, I hope he has a wonderful school experience.