To think it’s very hard to live in the uk without inheritance or family money?

[Lifesucksthenyoudie]

Just that really. Social mobility seems almost impossible at the moment without a head start. I earn a decent salary (Dh doesn’t but that’s another post) but my standard of living is so much worse than my parents and my mother didn’t work until we were in secondary school and even then part time for peanuts. Nursery fees and mortgage alone wipe us out. I haven’t inherited any money (large family, no chance) and feel a bit stuck. Not after sympathy just interested to see if others feel a bit trapped. Why is our society geared up this way?

The middle class is contracting. Some jobs that used to be middle class have become deprofessionalised. The result is some people are poorer than their parents and are not happy about it.
Most people have neither inheritance or family money.

@Abettertime one third of first time buyers now have family help with deposits. So a lot of people, but still not the majority.

Oh give over

Things are going backwards and fast and we shouldn't be grateful that it's not as bad as it could be

Wouldn’t it be pretty to think so?

There is luck in having enough food to eat, or electricity to study by, or not dying at age two of mold in your house, or not being deported to Rwanda, or having parents who stay together, etc…etc…etc…

When I think about what I have at 46 years
old versus what my parents had at my age, it’s vastly different. In the mid-80s, we lived in a terraced house with no central heating, no fitted kitchen, no shower, no car. Every bit of furniture was secondhand. We got our first video recorder in 1990, which is also when we got a coloured TV. We had a phone (landline) but plenty of my friends and neighbours didn’t. My mum either made all of our clothes or we had hand-me-downs. Dessert wasn’t a thing in our house and it was a luxury to go to my gran’s and get a digestive biscuit. I didn’t have a meal out until I was 17; I didn’t even know what the inside of a restaurant looked like.

If my household was to live like that and get rid of things we didn’t have back then, we would save about £1500 a month. Probably more when I think of all the crap in the cupboards.

Don’t get me wrong, getting on the property ladder sucks balls, but for many people, obviously not all, they aren’t willing to make sacrifices. I know low income families who have bought their own homes without family help but made massive sacrifices to get there.

But Wimbledon wasn’t cheaper just pre-war, my parents bought a detached property there for an affordable amount in the 70s, they came from working class families but both went to uni on grants. So their normal professions of teacher and Economist afforded them that at 25!!

I should add it was a stretch but my Mum didn’t want to live in a flat or a semi as she didn’t want neighbours.

It's definitely hard. I've never received any inheritance from my dad who passed when I was a child, or any other relatives who've passed on.
I may or may not get something from my mum but I'd rather she has enough to live on in her old age. I know quite a few successful people with property and money that did not come from family. Though anyone I knew who'd bought somewhere in their 20s always had help.

I'm on £32K pro rata for four days, alongside one day's freelance work at about £150 per day. No childcare as nobody ever came along who I'd have had children with, live alone in a small 3 bed with a mortgage. Doing fine. I do drive an old car though (a nice one but olde nonethless!) and don't go on fancy holidays.

In answer to the OP I think it depends which part of the UK you want to live in. Anecdotally where I live, being priced out has caused many families at my DS’s primary school to move out, he is in 6th form so change of demographic even in the last 10 years. We have lots of DFLs (Down From London) that pushed up prices though.

I agree there are parts of the UK that you can not live unless you are well off. They are not going to be able to get carers when they all get old.

I completely disagree. Expectations are much higher than they were say, in the seventies. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that people are left feeling dissatisfied with their lot. There has always been a hug poverty gap in this country (as in others), we just hoped that by now it would be better - it's not. At the same time, it's not worse. For example, when I was growing up, no-one expected every child to have their own bedroom; families were lucky to have one car, one tv. We had no telephone, no central heating. However, we did have holidays in France every year (camping), birthday parties, own home, etc. Buy a cheap house in a quiet town. Buy a bike and stick with one car. Let your children share a bedroom. Cook from scratch. You'll be amazed at how well you get on!

The fact that there are no subsidized nurseries in the UK is huge.

Women take a massive career hit/financial hit during their most lucrative professional years.

What's living well? The more you earn the more you will spend. Does your DH work at all OP? Even if he earns minium wage you still have a joint income unlike some other people.

@coxesorangepippin I agree. But your comment makes it clear we are talking about the middle class here.

I was in my 30s before i bought a house, my eldest was 18. I didn't go back to work until my youngest was 3. I saved and saved, my children had enough of everything i.e one pair of trainers, 4 or 5 outfits and a small amount of pocket money each week to spend or save as they pleased. They had 2 overseas holidays during their whole childhood but then we had been lucky to live overseas for a few years. Eating out was maybe once a month, Picnics were the norm, cinema was rare and birthday and Christmas presents were something they really wanted with a £100 limit for Christmas and half of that for birthdays.
I worked my backside off and gave myself a small cash budget every week, when it was gone it was gone and that is why i could retire in my 40s. If you want to spend £40 on a mobile contract, £40 on sky tv, £10 a day on lunch and takeaway coffee, £300 a month a car and thousands every year eating out as well as thousands every year entertaining the children every weekend that is you choice. We all make choices but you have to learn to take responsibility for you choices, don't blame anyone else but yourself.

Growing up I knew what we had and what life we as a family had. I genuinely had not idea what friends had, where they want on holiday or how many cars they had. Some closer friends I would go to their homes but a wider circle I wouldn't. I think nowadays with social media etc more people display what they have and what they do and expectations are therefore higher and it promotes a vicious circle

News story based on research into bank of mum and dad

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/mortgageshome/article-12445741/amp/Bank-Mum-Dad-contribute-47-house-purchases-year.html

We have no "family money", nor inheritance had/coming... we pootle along. We don't go for coffee, buy new cars, or upgrade devices before obsolescence takes hold.
Kids are (both) at uni now, so we have had to cut out all unnecessary expense to pay towards their rent, as they get below maximum maintenance loan.

But pootling along is underrated... stress is lower when you haven't got a lot to look after.

I'm doing okay with a lot of family support (contributing to car, house, inheritance) but I know people who have no support that have done so much better completely on their own.

I have had nothing since 18. DH had £2000 when his mum died. We are doing okay. We are not well off, but we have a house, have holidays, and cheap days out.

I think you are being a bit greedy to be honest.

Standard of living for many people is decreasing which is why it’s more important than ever to make sure you plan your future as much as possible. Live at home as long as you can while saving as much as you can. Education while you’re single and carefree. Boyfriend, house/marriage then children. If you mess with that order it will be more difficult. Not impossible but more difficult if you’re only an average earner. The order doesn’t make as much difference if you earn a high salary.

I think you're absolutely right. I look at my parents my dad was a bus driver my mum didn't work until we left home. They had a large three-bed semi and a nice part of a very average town. My dad went to the pub two or three nights a week. They've always had dogs and kids, we were dressed in new clothes, always had a car, bikes, went to watch the football most weekends and the cinema.
We went on two cheap but cheerful holidays a year abroad.

DH and I have professional jobs, both work full time and permanently skint. We might manage one holiday a year abroad and then camping or staying at friends. Mainly were charity shop clothes, one shite car, smaller house, it's not comparable.

I’m genuinely interested in this because it’s not at all my experience (posted upthread). Is this all in your same home town? So in your town your parents could live as you describe in a sole bus driver salary but you cannot with 2x professional salaries, or have you moved to, say, SE?

my experience (age 42) is of growing up really pretty skint in the 1980s (no hols abroad, second hand clothes, take outs for birthdays only, children sharing bedrooms - all very happy but not rich) and having more luxuries and a bigger house now as an adult than my parents (as a pretty high earner - zero help other than I once got £1,500 for my 30th bday!). But that’s all in the same, non-SE home town. I wonder if this distortion / difference / generational decline is really a SE thing??