To think it’s very hard to live in the uk without inheritance or family money?

[Lifesucksthenyoudie]

Just that really. Social mobility seems almost impossible at the moment without a head start. I earn a decent salary (Dh doesn’t but that’s another post) but my standard of living is so much worse than my parents and my mother didn’t work until we were in secondary school and even then part time for peanuts. Nursery fees and mortgage alone wipe us out. I haven’t inherited any money (large family, no chance) and feel a bit stuck. Not after sympathy just interested to see if others feel a bit trapped. Why is our society geared up this way?

Where did I say it was?

I think people’s expectations are built around what they saw their parents have and do thirty odd years ago. Cost of living has completely changed. So has our expectations.

also, there is a lot on this site about inheritance- but surely most people don’t inherit until they are much older? My parents got a small inheritance - but I was lucky enough that my grandmother lived until I had finished university. It would be very sad is people had inheritances to help out with childcare and house deposits. I would rather have my parents!

Sorry @TooOldForThisNonsense I was agreeing with you and I meant to tag someone else about the luck bit, but I quoted you by mistake.

I agree that people perhaps need to downgrade their expectations a bit. The next century is going to be Asia's.

YANBU. No inheritance or family money here. I also think it's very hard without a partner, although I'd rather have financial independence than risk feeling trapped like I have done previously.

also, there is a lot on this site about inheritance- but surely most people don’t inherit until they are much older?
It also includes people who get handed a lump sum by living parents. They either downsize or remortgage or raid their savings, and give their 20 something kids a huge chunk of cash as a down payment on a house that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to buy.

The attitude I see on MN with regard to inheritance really annoys me.
It's either a sense of entitlement to something from their parents/grandparents or resentment that others have got something that they won't get.

This is true for most people I know, lump sums by living parents.

What is wrong with your standard of living exactly?

Same. I've never had any money at all from my parents and I'm very comfortable.

Rolling my eyes at some of these ‘I worked hard and i’m fine’ posts.
You can see that other people are not right?
I know working families who ‘work hard’ who are now using food banks. Social mobility IS getting harder, employment more precarious in a lot of sectors and you must literally be walking round with your eyes shut not to see it.

Interesting thread.

My Nan & Granddad lived with Nan's parents until my Mum was 15 because they needed to save to purchase. They would have been 40 and 47 as first time buyers, and my Great Uncle bought a property with an illegal lottery win (was Navy and bought an Irish Lottery ticket and won) whereby as he was at sea constantly and my other Uncle had a family and he did not he essentially let them live in the house as though it was their own.

My parents (boomers) - Dad was in the Army and they lived in Army accommodation so they were able to save and buy a property which they locked up when away until I went to school when Mum moved back with me. Mum worked part time whilst I went to school - Dad was still overseas. They then moved house when he was stationed back in UK, but they had good savings and good equity.

I bought my first place with childhood savings when I was 21 (I am Gen X) and made money on property with the exception of my last move.

I know that it is hard for young people to get on the property ladder these days, but I think it was equally as hard in different ways for the previous generations.

Carrying a low-earning partner will always drag you down financially. That's not necessarily a reason for not doing so, just something to think very hard about when you choose a partner.

Also, try being socially mobile with a foreign name. I could spend my life resenting others with a name like Jane Smith, or change my name, or even resent people with a Russell Group education-not my own education from a "third world" university that no one here has heard of- but I have decided not to spend my life doing that. Helps no one.

You say your mother didn't work till secondary school. My mother wasn't allowed to work. I know which of those I would rather do.

The thread title is not “some people are finding things hard”. The thread is claiming that nobody can survive in the Uk without an inheritance or family money.

I agree OP, the cost of living, especially in London and the South is incredibly high, just to achieve what my parents had on much lower income.

My parents worked as a a labourer for the council and a part time secretary (and only when I was older, she was a SAHM before that) Their income when my dad retired was less than £30k per year between them.

They own a 3 bed semi (not ex council and only ever had child benefit) and a final salary pension to live off now in retirement. My upbringing wasn't lavish by any means but I had everything I needed, holidays in the UK, occasional meals out etc.

A couple on a combined income of £30k now would struggle to move out of their parents home, let alone set up even a very modest life together. Rent on a tiny flat where we are is around £1000+pm so they likely couldnt run to that, let alone get a mortgage. It's just not affordable.

Of course it's possible for people to have a decent standard of living and own their own homes etc now without inheritance (I do and we haven't had any money given/left to us) but not doing the types of jobs my parents did. Now you need a 'professional' role with a much higher salary to have the same standard of living many people had 40 years ago.

We don’t have either of those things and we are okay. However, we are pretty fucked when I got onto SMP. Just gone onto the first part of maternity leave, so trying to save as much as possible now, to make it through July - December.

We also both work 2 jobs. So everyone looks at us and thinks well they’re okay for money! But what they forget is we both work an insane amount of hours. So time off for us is very precious and we like to use that time to do something.

I think maybe expectations have changed - when I think about how we lived when I was a kid, most people would consider it intolerable, but we didn't think twice and plenty of people were in the same boat (no central heating, one old car that my dad maintained, walking everywhere, trips had to be free never stopping in a coffee shop for tea and cake (or at least not until I was a teenager, and we had a little more money), no holidays until I was a teen - and even then it was camping etc. No big pets (guinea pig/rabbit, no cats or dogs as too expensive)

My kids have everything they need, but have had had to deal with the heating being out for months, or living 4 of us to a tiny flat, so they're pretty resilient/tolerant of hardship too, albeit also comfortable walking into a hotel or restaurant unlike me at their age.

In some ways it was easier 20 years ago - my student loans were lower, and so was my rent (mind you I lived miles away and cycled in - couldn't afford to live on campus even then), but I worked throughout still.

I've largely made my own luck - being prepared to move to the next good job, go above and beyond where it benefitted etc. to get where I am - sure, there's some luck, but my sisters wouldn't consider swapping their less chaotic lives for mine - even for the extra money, it all depends how you define 'standard of living' - for me, it was knowing I had enough money to see the kids through, to go to the supermarket and not have to worry, and if that meant moving country, or working late then I did it. They didn't.

In 30 years time your kids will be saying how easy your generation had it, and then they'll go b1tch1ng on MN about it too.

It is how it is with every generation. No one knows the struggles their own parents had with their life as those things are generally hidden from their children.

Interest rates were high sure but mortgages payments often weren’t as high a proportion of people’s income and there was also tax relief on mortgage interest which made a big difference

@Smartiepants79 you are also describing my childhood!

Lifestyles were very different. We ate out at a restaurant maybe once a year. It just wasn't done, certainly not with young children. No takeaways/deliveroos to spend money on, though we would sometimes get fish and chips on a Friday. No online shopping to treat yourselves with. We went on holiday in the UK once a year. I too had a pair of school shoes, a pair of non-school shoes and some wellies. It was fine and perfectly normal at the time.

Walking around my bit of SE London on a Saturday . . . . And it is the norm to eat out with kids, get takeaways etc. It is very, very different.

A 35 year old is half as likely to own a property as an over-65 was at the same age.

That's a big generational change with far-reaching consequences.

I dont think it's that people don't see it. It's more that it's a daft thing to say that the only way to be comfortable is through inheritance. You must be walking around with your eyes shut not to see it.

People are settling down and marrying later- that is a big factor as well
We bought our 1st house at 22.
It was never really affordable for single people to buy alone in most of the country

We have had no inheritance, help with childcare, help with deposit or uni or first car even driving lessons etc and we're OK
I think we have a much better standard of living than my parents did.
We lived in a small 3 bed house with 6 of us
Rarely went abroad, I think we went twice as relatives had a place we got really cheap. I remember my Dad doing 7 days a week in OT for a year to pay for it
We had one small old car
Everything I wore was a hand me down, no expensive trainers etc.
Minimal birthday and Xmas presents
My Dad worked Full time plus OT and my Mum worked part time but at night to avoid childcare costs. So Dad would be out at 7am, back at 4.30, have dinner then Mum would work 6 to 11pm.

Nursery fees are not a surprise so save £x amount before you have babies. I know for accidental pregnancy that is not possible but if your child is planned you surely put money away before hand.