To think DH cant come to this

[KatieBr]

So I am working away in London for a few nights (never had to before so don't really understand the rules)

DH said as neither of us have been to London, he could join me (obviously pay for his own transport) but surely he wont be able to stay in my hotel room?

I have travelled down to London by myself a number of times, both for work and leisure.

Don't worry about getting around - it's really easy to navigate, and I say that as someone with absolutely no sense of direction and a terrible working memory (autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic). The tube map is easy to read and google maps is really reliable for live bus information.

I have been to the theatre alone, I have gone to pop-up events and designer sample sales; London has such a good atmosphere, even just mooching around the shops or going for a walk around a park is a nice way to spend a day. Last time I booked a table at Hawksmoor and took myself out for a Sunday roast and cocktail. Nobody batted an eye!

I'm sure its OK for your H to come.
This thing about the tube is really weird though. You know that large numbers of people get the tube into and through central London every single day? What do you (does he) think is going to happen?

To add, I did a solo mini break to London last summer. Bliss.

I stayed in Covent Garden, went on a bike tour of London, went to the theatre, made a trip to Kew garden, walked round Chelsea and Kensington. It was lovely. I traveled exclusively by the tube and the Uber clipper (boat up and down Thames).

please don’t let you strange, sexist, belittling husband limit your world! It’s 2024 - women can use public transport unaccompanied😂

This is ridiculous. Children in Year 7 take the tube independently in London. Does he have form for being controlling?

More like he's cheap and didn't want to pay for me! It gave me a bigger budget to spend whilst he was working though and I may have had a few visits to Tiffany......

Is your DH normally this controlling?

My DH and I have done this many times - never considered it as an issue in any way. Who would know? I would just do it and wouldn’t give it another thought. Don’t book a single room though!

Surely @araiwa is making a point that we can’t know OP’s employer’s policy on the matter. The sarcasm has been lost as it’s not quite what OP was asking which was more “what’s the norm?” I think? Lots of people join their partners @KatieBr. I’ve joined my DH on his work-related travels and him on mine but I’d check with your company anyway just in case.

I can’t help focussing on the fact you say you were ‘fine with going to London’ until your DH introduced the idea you should feel differently. It smacks of control dressed up as concern. It’s not great to have either someone else’s limitations limit your own confidence or someone else gaslighting you that you’re not capable so they can come along and keep an eye on you. I hope it’s not one of those two reasons (especially the latter), if it is then I would tell him he can’t come!

London is fine to explore on your own, no one bats an eyelid if you want a table for one and contrary to many people’s ideas a lot of people will help you out if you’re not sure where to go, plus there are loads of apps like City Mapper which help. You’d be absolutely fine on your own.

Not in my company

People do it all the Time

I think there are a few points here to consider:

1. @KatieBr do you want him to come? Does it not disrupt staying with your child or is the kid old enough to be alone for one night?
2. Would he give you the flexibility to do what you want on the time away from work? or would you find your self babysitting him or being dragged to do things HE wants to do in London?
3. What are the locations you have to visit? Any of us Londoners in MN can help and it's not that hard!
4. AND finally... bloody hell, some people here sound like my late MIL, she used to diss London so much my DH looked for jobs anywhere in the UK but London until he realised his mum was talking bollocks and finally moved to London

I’d definitely take DH along for the company. It’s pretty normal for spouses to tag along and stay in the hotel whist their partner's working.

I’m assuming all those posters suggesting that her DH is controlling live in London or are used to spending time there?

Personally, I can’t stand going to London. I find it too noisy and overcrowded although we go there regularly to visit the adult DC. I will go on my own but much prefer to travel with someone for company.

Honestly, thousands of people including schoolchildren use the tube in London every day, I think you'd be ok! Take DH if you want to but don't worry about travelling around London on your own, it's absolutely fine

Some hotels charge a small surcharge for a second occupant. As long as you don't seek reimbursement for that, you should be fine.

Things can always be arranged if people are willing. It's not unheard of for partners to join their other half away in a hotel whilst working. It's not a big deal! HOWEVER! the main contention here is that OP does not sound like she wants her DH to come. This is the real problem. From the 1st post it came across as DH coming was a bit of an unwanted intrusion and a nuisance and that's a separate thread to unpack.

I’m assuming all those posters suggesting that her DH is controlling live in London or are used to spending time there?

@PinkIcedCream I think people are questioning it because OP said she was fine going to London until he introduced doubt. It depends whether he’s saying “I’d love to come too if it’s OK” or “you shouldn’t be going on your own because you’re not capable/I don’t trust you”. If OP really wants to take him then that’s different.

I am floored that adults born and living in the UK have never visited London
I’ve never been and I’m 59
its not on my list of places I need to visit before I die.

I frequently accompany DH on work trips. It’s always a double occupancy room so doesn’t cost us any more than extra travel/ food costs. Breakfast is usually included for 2 people.

Every company I've ever worked for has allowed this

There’s also a big difference between “It might be less daunting if I am there with you” and “you can’t take the tube by yourself”.

Also, why does someone have to live in London to form the entirely reasonable view that the tube is safe and navigable for a lone adult woman? It’s not one of those things that is widely believed to be terrifying, like going on a rollercoaster or diving with sharks.

Lol ok
We have culture in the rest of the UK you know, and we don't live on McDonalds either

If you like the idea then just tell your husband you've asked and the company said no! He'll never know

It's funny how defensive some people are about this.

No one has said that everyone should want to move to London.

Just that it does merit a one-time trip if you live in the UK.

Really not a radical suggestion.

Personally I've never asked if my DH can come. I think it's looks unprofessional, like you're trying to get a free mini-break out of work. When a guy brings his wife it also says "cheater and she does't trust him" in my view (have definitely seen this with at least 2 of my managers). I wouldn't ask, just go by yourself, you'll be fine.

OP - I think it's fine for your DH to come, but I would say this. Maybe as it's the first one, go alone. It just looks a bit 'green' (not sure if that's the right word) taking your DH with you because neither of you have been to London before. Take him next time.

Be independent and enjoy being alone in a great city. London - especially central - is as safe as any other uK city and a piece of piss to navigate.

If that 'green' thing sounds judgy, I'm sorry. I don't judge you for both wanting to see London, but there might be people at your work being a bit eye-rolly if he comes on your first trip away.

Just my thoughts.

I'm surprised that it's a controversial suggestion, too, and I'd say the same for all of the capitals of the constituent countries of the UK.