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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

LT partners will

106 replies

Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:12

AIBU?

I have always been annoyed but not really able to say much about this but I am
not on my LT partners will at all. Nor his life insurance or pension benefactor or anything. We’re not married but been together for over 15 years and it started to grate on me that if something happened to him I could be left with nothing at all.

OP posts:
Herdinggoats · 17/03/2024 19:15

Need more information here. Does he have kids, how old are you both etc? Together 15 years at 45 is very different to together 15 years at 80 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:21

Herdinggoats · 17/03/2024 19:15

Need more information here. Does he have kids, how old are you both etc? Together 15 years at 45 is very different to together 15 years at 80 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have kids and in our 50s

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 17/03/2024 19:30

Do you have children together?

Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2024 19:32

Does He have a will and you aren’t named? Or is there no will?

abeeabeeisafterme · 17/03/2024 19:32

Did you give up work to raise his kids?

JTE15 · 17/03/2024 19:34

Is he against including you in the Will. May be that he hasn't really thought about it.. however, definitely have a chat maybe out walking explaining how vulnerable you feel if something happened. I think you're right to be concerned and I'd you've got children. Definitely.

Deathbyfluffy · 17/03/2024 19:35

I'd be concerned, but you'd only really able to be angry if you were willing to put him in yours too (and he didn't want you in his).

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:38

He has a will that I’m not named in. It’s set for everything to go back to his parents.
The children aren’t named either
I have brought it up and he ended up inferring I was money grabbing. So I left it there (and set anything in my name to go to the kids!)
I didn’t give up work but chose not to go back to work when kids were young and I would name him in my will if I had one, without hesitation

OP posts:
pecanpie101 · 17/03/2024 19:40

Why don't you have a Will?
I find it odd that he isn't leaving anything to his children? How old are they? Do they still live at home?

caramac04 · 17/03/2024 19:43

Is marriage not an option?

AhNowTed · 17/03/2024 19:44

Hang on - it's going to his parents rather than his children.. that is very odd!

Herdinggoats · 17/03/2024 19:45

This is very odd. Unless there is a serious health concern most people expect to outlive their parents, so for him to pass things back a generation is incredibly irregular. If he thought you were money grabbing (he probably shouldn’t have been with you for 15 years-but that’s another issue) he should leave the money in trust for your kids.

You are right to be frightened for your future. Do you own or rent your property? You need to come up with a plan as to how you would pay the rent alone. Or where his share of the house is going.

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:46

pecanpie101 · 17/03/2024 19:40

Why don't you have a Will?
I find it odd that he isn't leaving anything to his children? How old are they? Do they still live at home?

I haven’t got any real savings of note or property. My pension is set to go to the kids and life insurance shortly will be too. Other than that I saw little point, but if I did have anything to give I would have been more than Agreeable to leave it to him. He however does have money in the family, maybe the disparity comes from that.
I would have felt happier if the kids were catered for. They live at home, 9 and 12

OP posts:
Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:47

caramac04 · 17/03/2024 19:43

Is marriage not an option?

He doesn’t believe in marriage and I guess I’ve come to agree over the years.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2024 19:48

FFS.

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:50

This is where I start to feel highly uncomfortable. If something happened to him and shortly after his parents (completely feasible) then all that money and security would disappear to the state wouldn’t it? It would be lovely if the kids were to be named in trust by either him or his parents but they are not.

OP posts:
Trinity69 · 17/03/2024 19:52

Passing his estate back a generation doesn’t make any sense at all. Why would he have written a will with the assumption that his parents would out live him?
Also, you might not have property or anything but my grandfather recently passed and had no property and no will. The life insurance paid out to his nephew (not the legal next of kin) but the bank account aren’t parting with a penny. Life will be much more straight forward for those left behind if you just write one.

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:53

I do intend to as I am now earning a higher salary thanks to promotion and should have some savings very soon .

OP posts:
TheMerryWidow1 · 17/03/2024 19:55

Where do you Op? Is it his house only?

Scalby · 17/03/2024 19:56

I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable. He's well and truly stitched you up. DH would want me to have everything because I am his family and he'd trust me more than anyone to see right was done by our DC.
I'd seriously consider leaving in your circumstances.

Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:56

Our House belongs to the family, it’s been for generations

OP posts:
Original poster
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 19:58

Scalby · 17/03/2024 19:56

I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable. He's well and truly stitched you up. DH would want me to have everything because I am his family and he'd trust me more than anyone to see right was done by our DC.
I'd seriously consider leaving in your circumstances.

I have felt like this on occassion, like what does he think I’ll do with the money if the worst happens? I dont have a gambling problem, or a spending problem. I have a well paid job and the children are good kids, there’s no alarm bells that make you think that he needs to protect the family coffers from us. Thanks for your perspective.

OP posts:
Jumbojem · 17/03/2024 19:58

Have you asked him why nothing is going to his own children? I do find it odd he doesn't at least want them to have something.
I also find it cruel for him to accuse you of being money grabbing since you sacrificed earning (I presume?) to care for both of your children, and you've been together 15 years.
I am also unmarried and without a will (I really need to sort this) but both our pensions name each other, as did life insurance when we had it. We also both have a 50/50 joint agreement on the home we own. There is every intention in our relationship for things to pass between us in the event of death, or at the very least to the children in trust (they are mid teens).

Jennalong · 17/03/2024 20:00

So they are his actual children , not just yours ?
Very strange he has left it to parents , does he have siblings ?
If he does and it goes to his parents and they don't make provision for his ( your joint children ) then their estate goes to their children if named on their will or even to people unknown to you if they have named anyone else.

Who owns where you live ?

Haydenn · 17/03/2024 20:01

You’d probably actually be better off leaving, taking the kids and using maintenance to pay towards a property of your own to build up some security.

Youre in an incredibly precarious position at the moment. The house stays in the family- so essentially you and the kids would be homeless if something were to happen to him?