LT partners will

[Championfancy]

AIBU?

I have always been annoyed but not really able to say much about this but I am
not on my LT partners will at all. Nor his life insurance or pension benefactor or anything. We’re not married but been together for over 15 years and it started to grate on me that if something happened to him I could be left with nothing at all.

I’ve made the point a few times that if something happened to ALL of them we’d truly be up the creek but it falls on deaf ears or the response is “nothing is going to happen to all three of us”.
He does have siblings but the last time I knew, it was in his parents will that they expressly wouldn’t get anything. Old family old money drama I understand from before my time on the scene.

Is this a farming family?

Many moons ago now just a family who own a lot of land and property. I hear that’s normal to have a lot of drama around money.

I completely get wanting to protect family assets, but that doesn’t absolve him of responsibility in looking after his kids. He needs to make provision for them should something happen to him.

You also need to present him with your reality should something happen to him- which is that you will be homeless. At the very least you need to buy a property in your own name and rent it out. I’d also carefully look at how much of your own money is going into bills for this ‘family pile’.

of Course he doesn’t believe in marriage 🙄🙄🙄

Sorry i don’t really know what to say OP. He's obviously being massively unreasonable to leave his children & you with absolutely nothing if he dies but he also quite clearly doesn’t care or possibly cares more about what his family think.

I would ask DH to set up a new life insurance police that is put in trust and names you. Doesn’t he want his kids to be looked after???

It’s unusual isn’t it, I’ve always been left thinking I can’t jump up and down like “give me your money” because I suppose I don’t really have any right to it. My focus will be saving for the children and of course my future just in case of the worst.

So is your DP set to inherit everything from his parents? I'm guessing that they have an agreement with your DP that he sets out to pass all money back to them rather than his DC if he has an untimely death to prevent any chance of you having any access to it as a guardian. They want their estate to remain entirely with blood relations. Could it be that your DC will inherit from either your DP or their GPs once they have all passed? This would likely ensure that the money only reaches your DC once they have become adults.

It probably isn't personal. It's likely a deal between your DP and his parents to ensure he is the sole beneficiary in their estate. That's my guess. It is obviously very selfish though.

he's not DH, they’re not married.

Does he not care his children will have no money to live? Could you support them alone if he died tomorrow?

Yes it is likely the grandparents will leave it to one of the DC. What is likely is the house would revert to the grandparents, who would then say the OP and grandkids are welcome to live there growing up giving them full access to the kids. The question then comes in to the fact OP is still dependent on either living with her in-laws or her kids and has no security of her own. And what would happen if OP wanted to make a decision that the in-laws disagreed with.

Will you be able to remain in the house if anything was to happen to him? Would you consider getting a mortgage and buying a property to rent out and at least you have your own property.

Yes I suppose if life follows it’s natural course, his parents will die before him and when he dies I guess it can’t go to them as they are dead and it would go to his next of kin being his kids. Does all feel very set up to exclude me though, which I guess is fine but yes you’ve made an excellent point about bloodline.

Aren’t I too old to get a mortgage? I mean I could do that yes as I have a good job with decent salary for the area. I just never thought you could get a mortgage over 40.

You said the house is owned by the family. Does that mean his parents. If so - what does he actually have as assets? If nothing then maybe it's all theoretical until his parents pass. Then, if he inherits, you can Revisit. Because at that point he needs to name the kids and/or you.

Yes I could although it would be a stretch. His argument would be “oh my parents wouldn’t let you go without”. Not great to have to go cap in hand though dear, is it?

You’ve got posts about being single, OP - is the LT relationship rather on-again off-again? In which case I guess there’s a reason for not altering his will.

A very healthy pension and even healthier savings. He’s never paid a mortgage and earns extremely well.

Who pays the bills? How is that split?

Yes we’re both allowed to explore other relationships and both have but I don’t know what that has to do with my question here. It hasn’t affected my willingness to name him in any will I may have, so that’s the question at hand rather than our relationship rules.

Probably 60/40 as he’s earning around £100k and I’m around half that.

So where did you live before you moved in with this charmer?

What do you do with the rest of your money?
You need to buy your own place.
What if either of you explores another relationship leading to you splitting up?

How very odd. Not that he won't marry you (read so many instances on here so not shocked) but that he doesn't regard HIS children as being next in the family bloodline!

Why is that do you think? Do his parents have the sane disregard for his children?

Is there bigotry or racism at work here? Religious differences?

I’ve always rented homes, that’s not out of the question for me again with the children , but it would be quite a stretch if the worst happened.