LT partners will

[Championfancy]

AIBU?

I have always been annoyed but not really able to say much about this but I am
not on my LT partners will at all. Nor his life insurance or pension benefactor or anything. We’re not married but been together for over 15 years and it started to grate on me that if something happened to him I could be left with nothing at all.

I think it just sheds a bit more light on why he might have set up this unusual arrangement for his will - it’s a different perspective to having been exclusive life partners for decades with young children.

I’d not focus on not being left money myself in his will, but I would certainly kick up a huge fuss about not having access to funds to bring his children up to adulthood, and insist he took out life insurance to protect them.

Thing is they all dote on the children. Perhaps it’s something I’ll never understand not coming from generational wealth but the kids can have whatever they want month to month no issues. It’s just that the estate is all sewn up to stay with them. I do think it’s shrewd though to think about having something I can pass on to them one day. Rather than a rental although Im not scared of that either. I have no ego when it comes to where I live.

Even weirder now.........

Well you may be happy to name him in your will but he isn't going to reciprocate. You can't make him do so, I suppose you put up and shut up or get the hell out of this half assed "relationship".

Clearly, he thinks nothing of you or the kids. Leave him

What do you mean, the family? A family cannot own a house. Does he, you together, his parents? Who owns it. What is going to happen to his estate if his parents die before him?

I’m guessing that he isn’t as invested in you as you thought. Perhaps that’s the downside of seeing other men?

Problem with a rental has nothing to do with ego. Pensions don’t go very far when you have to pay rent. Most pension estimates for a “comfortable” retirement are based on the fact that people will own their own homes outright at that stage. If you need to pay rent then you are going to need a significantly higher income in retirement, and an income that increases annually.

With all due respect and kindness you seem quite naive about your situation. Can you please get a few hours with a financial advisor to understand your position and what your future looks like and then a solicitor to clarify your options for you and your kids.

So he dies it goes to his parents then passes under their wills presumably to his siblings? So he’s chosen to leave his house to his nieces and nephews and not his own kids. Very weird

Oh yes, I agree that it seems unfair and cruel that he has left you nothing directly in his will. I imagine he is in the mindset that you've enjoyed living mortgage/rent free in the family home and you've been happy to have children without the security of marriage, so instead of your security and home being in the hands of your DP as it stands, it will be in the hands of his parents or your children. I guess it seems quite logical to him in that respect. You move from being his 'tenant' to either his parents' or your child's tenant.

I reckon he left you nothing as his parents said that everything MUST be left to them if he is to be sole beneficiary in their will. It would seem like a great deal to him, as his parents are surely likely to pass first.

To me, it screams of your DP and his parents all sitting down together and making an arrangement in the best interests of keeping the estate in the family, and in one piece.

When you say it belongs to the family do you mean it belongs to his parents? Whose name is on the deeds?

Are we talking about a Family "seat" here? Is he the eldest son?

He is the eldest Son yes. I think the house belongs to him and his parents as joint tenants.

No point bitching to us, have a conversation with the man sitting on the sofa next you!

It will cost you £3 to find out this information from the land Registry. If the house is owned as joint tenants, then he can only leave it to someone else if the other owners have already died. As they are still alive, it does not form his estate.
https://www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry

I'm more confused than ever.
You aren't married.
You are on again off again but free to see and leave with other people.
And you wonder why you aren't named in the will to get some family inheritance?

Does he actually love you?

He will change it to the kids inheriting once they turn 18 possibly. At the age they are, he doesn’t want you to prize it off them. There will be a reason he is doing this.

If he leaves it all to his parents then his children (or you as their guardian) and you as a co-habiting partner will have a very good claim against his estate, as he should have made provision for you. In the end he’s just wasting his own money.

I think people who ‘don’t believe in marriage’ but are quite happy to have children as part of a long term relationship are either nasty or thick, probably both.

I also don't think the house and assets (''his'' money) belong to him entirely or even at all. Him saying he is leaving ''his house'' and presumably all his asset to his parent is very bad tax wise. Should he die first his parents would presumably pay IHT and then they might died perhaps 3 -5 years later - so more IHT again so great losses through tax- unless everything is in a Trust anyway - so not his to leave to anyone.

If he and his parents own it as joint tenants then whoever dies first can't leave it to anyone. It automatically goes to the surviving owner and is not part of the estate.
OP you need to take legal advice and set up on your own

If you're not married, is he named on the children's birth certificates? If not, is there proof that he's their father?

Could he be talked into taking out life insurance policies for the children to inherit decent sums should he die? That might be a way to ensure some definite provision for them that was separate from all the family money.

In my opinion, you need to make a will yourself appointing guardian(s) for the children (him? and/or others) and ensuring that the money in your estate will go towards looking after them. I assume that's what you would want.

I would say you understand he doesn’t want to leave anything to you directly, but cutting his children out is a horrible last message to send to them, and even if their grandparents then give them money, it would be seen to the children later and to the wider community that he didn’t care about them (as wills are public record his Will would be publicly available after death).

(and that obviously if the children are still under 18 you’d be contesting any will that cut them out on their behalf. )

this is where you need to advocate for your children. You made a decision to have children later in life - yet you had no savings, didn’t own a home and where financially reliant on a man who you can’t communicate with and who doesn’t value you as an equal partner.

you are very vulnerable.

if you insist on staying, make him take out a life insurance policy that you are the beneficiary off. If he dropped dead tomorrow you will still have two children to find through school and university. You would need cash, and to be in control of that money,

if you are I. Your fifties I assume his parents are late seventies or older? Leaving money up a generation is usually strongly discouraged. Does he not think your children are his? There is something g very odd at play here. Why do you tolerate this? You sound very passive:

My thoughts too. I despair that women are still getting onto these financially unsound situations.

How can you have no savings if you earn 50k and pay less than half the bills and have no rent or mortgage to pay? Surely you have thousands spare each year?

I have also seen children who grow up in households where money is used as power and it isn’t pretty.

your partner is clearly financially abusive . Your relationship is clearly not healthy and I would take his will as a strong signal that he doesn’t see you in the even short term future. He doesn’t want you to be cared for or secure in the event of his death. But he also doesn’t want his children to have anything? Very odd. And very emotionally damaging.