WWYD: Son and Money

[ClamFandango]

DS (15yo) gets £60per month allowance, from which he pays for his phone contract (sim only: £6), and all non-school uniform clothes plus socialising, snacks etc.
He is not good at saving, although we encourage him to save £30 per month - so that it doesn't all get spent on snacks and small things. On top of that he will usually ask for money from family for birthday and Christmas, and usually gets given about £150 in total each time. He tends to save up for a bit and then blow the lot on a big ticket item (usually equipment for his music hobby, clothes or gifts for friends).
He recently bought his sister a v generous birthday gift, and a valentine gift for his girlfriend. Then he dropped his mobile phone and it broke - repair cost barely less than replacement (with secondhand reconditioned phone), so he spent £200 on a new secondhand phone, which cleaned his savings out and we had to advance him £60, which wipes out his next two months' savings (so his allowance is down to £30 per month, which is generally earmarked for phone contract and snacks at school).
This morning he was sad that he won't be able to buy his best friend a birthday present next month, and got very defensive when I suggested he was angling for a further loan / more cash from us. I said he wasn't getting any more money from me beyond the allowance, less the loan he already owes, and he had to learn to save more prudently.

We could afford to give him something to buy the friend a present, but the purpose behind the allowance is to teach him budgeting. We feel so mean saying "tough luck - you've spent up and that's it. Tell your friend you'll get him something in a couple of months' time". AIBU to take this stance?

omg really a loan repaid??? and please, buy his clothes !! he is only 15!

Has he got a decent cover for his phone? Since I started investing in good covers I haven’t smashed a single one!

Do you get child benefit? I can understand how your son manages to buy all his clothes on such a small budget. When mine were that age we had to replace jeans/shorts regularly just to keep up with growth and in men's sizes that isn't cheap.

Does he buy charity & vintage?

I agree. I think that YABVU. I am 40 and my parents gave me a far bigger allowance than that when I was 15, which was obviously 25 years ago! Nor was I expected to fund my own clothes (although I save my allowance towards jewellery) I would have just paid for the new phone and not 'lent' him the money for it.

Encouraging him to budget and save is an excellent ethos. Unfortunately, compelling him to save is not teaching him anything. Compelling him to save 50% of his allowance is unreasonable, particularly in light of how little money he is getting.

After his compelled savings and £6 phone sim he has £24 per month for non- school clothing, snacks, gift purchases and social bits and bobs. It’s less than £1 per day (79p in fact). Totally unrealistic. Even using the extra £300 from birthday/christmas money exclusively for clothing he will struggle. Teen boys grow like weeds. Boy clothes and trainers are really pricey.

You need to stop mandating the savings, or up his allowance or pay him extra for chores or tell him to get a part time job.

Unless he’s getting top ups from elsewhere there is no way he can successfully budget on shat you are saying here.

How much can you actually afford to give him?

That doesn't really change matters much.

I’ve never spent anything like £200 on trainers - there’s plenty of ‘decent’ pairs out there for £50.

Over a year I'd be buying 6 tee shirts, 2 shorts, 3 pairs of sports training trousers, a jacket, 2 pairs trainers, 2 polo shirts, 2 chinos, belt, jumper, 3 sweatshirts. As well as activity clothes karate gee, karate belts as achieved, cricket shoes, gloves, leg pads/thigh pads, club t shirt, cap, swim trunks, winter coat, socks and pants.

At 15 yes they were getting new clothes fairly regularly my DD went from 5’2 to 5’7 in about 18 months from 15 onwards - her feet grew at the same speed! I was constantly buying new school shoes/ uniform and sports kit plus some clothes for outside school! At 15 I believe its the parents responsibility to ensure their child is adequately clothed. Especially in this case where they are not keen on their DS having a part time job.

YABU £60 a month for socialising, non school clothes and phone is not much, especially as he had to pay 200 for the phone recently. I think he needs a top up which he doesn't pay back and per £120 a month is reasonable as he has to buy clothes.

You are not giving him enough money and you are expecting him to do too much with it. Saying it's all you can afford is one thing, but you're asking him to perform miracles if he is expected to buy clothes, phone, snacks and save £30. It is totally unrealistic, sorry it just is.

seems a hell of a lot of silly 'rules ' with this money and your ds, feel sorry for him tbh

My son is same age and we give 15 per week but we pay his bills and clothes. We pay for haircuts. It if he wants one earlier than ours is due he will pay for that himself. He also gets 5 from my mam a week

You’re being very stingy op. You should be buying all of his clothes and paying for his phone. Pocket money should just be fun money.

It’s personal choice. You do you, I’ll do me.

A lot more than £720!!!

YANBU

I think you’re doing a really good job by teaching him the true value of money.

So many kids think money grows on trees, because parents throw it at them left right and centre.

I would get him to do a few jobs and pay him, so he can buy his friend a birthday present.

It’s a bit much expecting him to buy his own clothes out of that amount of money. When I was that age I had an allowance which was pretty much child benefit plus dinner money. I bought all my clothes, paid for socialising, school dinners if I didn’t want to take sandwiches etc. I also earned £8 a week from my Saturday job. From memory I got about £80 a month. But that was over 30 years ago.

He does t get £60 a month to spend as he chooses though, the lad has to buy casual clothes from budget as well as pay for other things and you expect him to save half of it! I can’t believe a parent loans their children money either for something like a phone. Honestly MN is a different world sometimes.

The allowance is fine... but buy his own non school clothes? I think that's genuinely terrible.

Can he earn some extra cash (wash the car, mow the lawn, extra chores)? Can he sell some old clothes, games, books online?

That's not enough! Ds, 18 gets £85 a week. £25 off his nan and £30 each from me and dh. All he has to buy out of that is 2/3 lunches at college per week, £10 gym membership per week and socialising - but we often top it up. How can a 15 year buy clothes, save and socialise on that amount of money? Can your increase it?

What I would do, seeing as that is what you asked, is pay the £200 no strings and make sure he has a decent phone case and that the phone is insured for damage, theft etc. And I wouldn’t expect him to buy clothes at this age, though if he wants to buy something and can afford it then of course he should.

I appreciate what you are doing here but I'd cut him a bit of slack right now. He's only 15, you have him on a tight budget. He wants to buy someone else a birthday pressie - so not selfish behavior. I would honestly just buy it and tell him you appreciate he's had an unexpected expense and you to stretch to it because you value his mates friendship as well.

And encourage him to buy a really good cover for his phone!