Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

Firstly you need to accept he has additional needs.

Secondly you need details no holds barred over what those details are / actually the more and the worse and more plain speaking the better so you can take it to the GP and ask for an immediate referral:
check hearing
check eyesight
refer him for SALT
start him on listen and obey instructions are home with reward base
focus on yourselves as parents and stop making excuses - he isn’t following instructions and this is and can be dangerous

I speak from a son diagnosed deaf, with salt and other Sen issues - I never made excuses. If you don’t stand up for your child and get him the support he needs no one else will!

You also don’t acknowledge behavioural problems and just brush it off as normal. Hitting another child is not normal. Neither mine hurt anyone at nursery. If they ever try to fight or push each other at home, I tell them off immediately and I will never tell them it’s ok to be rough or not watching where they hit their bats.

I have many conversations telling them didn’t mean to or apologise afterwards is not good enough. In fact try telling a judge that after you ran someone over with your car because you aren’t looking.

I don't know how to say this kindly, I really don't want to be mean.
But you sound delusional and like you are burying your head in the sand.

You need to remove the blinkers OP and accept what others - child minder, nursery - are saying about your child.
Notwithstanding that you believe he has greater potential and fewer difficult behaviours you need to have him properly assessed. The longer you refuse to accept what others are saying the more challenging his behaviour is likely to get

This ⬆️. It’s not unusual for parents to struggle with the idea that their child has SEN. My DC has ASD and was assessed 3 times before he was diagnosed. He was actually misdiagnosed previously. When I was initially asked if I wanted him to be referred, I said no as I was worried about labelling him. It was a mistake and when asked again, I agreed. My DC makes eye contact and masks very well, the reason for the late diagnosis was the schools not filling in the form to show him meeting the threshold for diagnosis even though they were the ones that kept requesting the assessment 🤷🏼‍♀️. I have another DC who has currently been on the waiting list for assessment for over 18 months.
It is a hard thing to come to terms with even if you suspect that they have SEN. It really doesn’t change anything only the level of support they receive. For what it’s worth my DC finished college and has recently started a full time job. Good luck op.

Other neurodiversities are avaliable. But you won't be able to help him or get support for him until you stop being so defensive and start him on the assessment pathway.

Maybe your child needs to develop more social skills.

A local library might have a book you could study about teaching children good manners, consideration and gentle communication.

Also taking your child to Rhyme Time at the local library will give you insight as to how he is with other kids.

That’s gods. But that doesn’t answer the question:

how would you feel if it was your baby that was hurt accidentally?

Bloody hell. Can’t believe I’ve just read the above. You sound vile.

Grow up and get your poor DS assessed and also realise that him putting others in danger annd/ or hurting them isn’t on. Remember that for the future.

As this is the second setting to raise concerns please listen op - request an urgent appointment with the health visitor and speak to your local authority about provision for dc with suspected additional needs stating the reasons why he's been asked to leave the settings, do not downplay this to them. The local authority will be able to put in extra funding to increase ratios, and crucially will be aware of which settings local to you are better with this situation, alternatively they may be able to prioritise him for a local authority place.

My dc was in just this situation, asked to leave first nursery after 2 weeks, never made it past the try out day on the second - she's autistic though not diagnosed at the time (aged 2) she did have a handful of words, but wouldn't speak in the settings, also not joining words together, no awareness of other children (but fine with adults). I'm not diagnosing your child but please speak to professionals! Done children are simply late developing speech my other dd was so it could be that too, either way time to get professional help

Sorry but 10 words sounds very little, my eldest has turned 2 a few months ago and can say far more than that, he is now starting to use full sentences, past tense and plural. He can also follow 2-3 steps instructions like "sit down, put your shoes and jacket on, and go outside". He is the youngest in his room at nursery, but all the others can do the same/are more advanced.

All of this shoot up between 20-24 months, so it was a very sudden progression to us.
He also has a little sister and will inadvertently hit/push her, but does understand that it's wrong and move when we tell him to go play further away.

'At least 10 words' is pretty vague, but for context at 2 1/2 a child should have 100+.

Speech delay can be a sign of lots of things and it's much better for the child to find out early. It could be as simple as a hearing issue as much as it could be SEN.

Don't brush off because you think he's ok at home. I've seen it too many times and by the time they start reception these dc are so far behind and support takes too long to get in place.

And yes, a CM can refuse a place or terminate a contract for a child with SEN if they can't provide the care the child needs. It's hard but you need to be honest about his needs and find the right setting.

In all honesty if you have been told by two separate childcare providers all is not well it is worth speaking with your HV and even GP for a referral to assess for extra needs. It may not be autism but it could be one of a number of related hidden needs from dyspraxia to ADHD.

One thing I can assure you of is this, seeking early help makes a world of difference in longer term outcomes for a child who has extra needs and it does NOT hinder a child who has no extra needs.

I really hope you are taking on board the advice.

Your frustration shines through the posts.
I imagine that you really want you child to have a good experience and also suspect you may need a break too. You are disappointed that it hasn't worked out again but please, please remember that you choose this providers to care for your boy. Presumably you did due diligence and would have left him with someone who you didn't feel was trustworthy. Neither will have taken this decision lightly. They are businesses and lost money for x amount of time. Why would they do that for nothing?

Your child may not have something that will end up with a lifelong label. Although honestly if you walked the walk many of us have you will end up so grateful that this was caught early and you need to really think you so resist to taking their advice. If someone with childcare experience said to you I think there is a problem would you really be saying 'well I don't.'. Your child clearly has a problem right now.....he can not settle into childcare provision. If that's all it is then he may simply not be ready and it's your choice whether to wait before trying again.

I say all this because we did move my daughter. Loads of people said we were daft to but it was the best thing by millions.

On reflection if she had babies then the CM wouldn't be able to tick your stated reason for socialisation.

Nursery could have been wrong for any number of reasons ....and sometimes valid.

Please though be very upfront with any provider including describing your frustrations as your son presents differently at home. Maybe have a longer settling in period, more initial visits if they will accommodate. Re visit the criteria you set when you looking at places and see if it was actually right on reflection.

Meanwhile explore with him sessional provision that you can go with him too.....tumble tots, swimming lessons etc and get him socialised.

My 6yo is awaiting ASD assessment. His childcare provider first flagged up 'differences' when he was 3yo, but in hindsight these were gently being raised with us when he was much younger. At first, we didn't understand how different he was at nursery compared to at home. Now I completely understand that he felt very secure at home and we were meeting his every need, so he wasn't presenting the same way with us. Now we're a few years into informal assessments and have come to terms with the reality that he might have additional needs, I am relieved that the nursery staff raised this so early.

As your DS is 2.5 years, perhaps you could try looking at the 30mo assessment via this app. I have been using it with my DS2 and it's very good.

https://asdetect.org/download

This is a shocking attitude OP.
How would you feel if your baby was being stood on or hit by another child.
I think you and your dh need to face up to facts or get out more and observe how other kids act in play settings.

Listen to those who have more experience than you OP

I am a senco and often visit nurseries when we get admission paperwork to asses if we can meet a child's needs.
Nurseries will be experienced in judging where a child is developmentally and also looking after children with a range of needs. I would take it seriously if they are saying they feel your son has additional needs.
I would visit a number of different settings and explain your circumstances as some nurseries will be better equipped to support children with additional needs. Lots that I have visited have done a fantastic job at caring for children with very complex needs.
Your local children's center should also have information about different settings and what they can offer.

My son was non verbal until 3.5/4, nursery asked me to get him assessed and I got a referral from my GP to the local paediatric team at the hospital, they were able to access LEA 1-1 funding for nursery which was monitored by the LEA Sen team, nursery were also happy to work with a private speech therapist who went in every week - at that stage we didn't know if he would be going to mainstream or special school but nursery were happy to work with us.

I agree with what previous posters have said, early intervention is important and finding a nursery where they have some experience of dealing with children who have delays or special needs might be really useful for you OP.

Hi OP in all honesty unfortunately yes a childminder can terminate your contract if they feel they can't meet their needs.

OP I know it's very scary when someone raises concerns about your child.

Is your child just turned 2 or 2 nearly 3? When you say your child talks do they put words together? Can they follow simple instructions?

I would go to my GP and outline what the two settings have said. It won't harm your child to do this

You're thinking of a stereotypical autistic person. Eye contact, good sleep and showing a good level of understanding doesn't mean he doesn't have Autism. At two if he's only using 10 words he at least has a language delay. Do a self referral to NHS speech therapy and go private if you can afford it (from an ASD specialist speech and language therapist).

Batshit

If two different settings have said they same thing I would have him assessed.

OP you say your son has 10 words is he 2 or 2 nearly 3?

10 words at 2 would considered at the lower end of things.

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/speech-and-language-development-12-24-months/#:~:text=He%20or%20she%20will%20enjoy%20nursery%20rhymes%20and%20especially%20the,to%20join%20two%20words%20together.

It’s not about being non-inclusive! She has deemed that your child has more needs than she is able to meet. If he has additional needs and requires one-to-one care, then either she looks after him all the time but completely neglects the other two children she cares for……. Or she cares for the other two children but then completely neglects the care that your son needs. It’s completely unsafe and neglectful. She absolutely cannot do this, surely you can see that?

For a child to have one-to-one care she would need to hire an assistant to care for him and then she would be paying the assistant more money per hour than you are paying. it’s just not possible.

If he is assessed as having additional needs then he will get extra funding for specialised care within a childcare setting. The waiting lists are long so you need to get the ball rolling asap.

She wouldnt be inclusive if she feels can't keep the babies safe (and I understand your child is not intentionally hurting anyone) would she? Inclusive doesn't mean your child above all others, it means accommodations so that everyone is safe, happy and thriving and as one person by herself she doesn't feel she can provide that for your child or the others.
You are focusing on the wrong thing here and you will be having this conversation repeatedly over the next few years if you don't start paying attention to what professionals are telling you. Yes a 2 yr old will disregard an adult at times, but having no inkling of a soiled nappy and not responding to their name at 2 and a half is unusual, and there's obviously other behaviours that the people that deal with up to a dozen 2.5 yr olds a year are concerned by. I've worked in the sector for 20 yrs and it often is me that is flagging it with parents, I'm not qualified to diagnose but I am qualified and experienced enough to raise a concern