Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

It's good to hear that you will seek a HV opinion. They will be able to signpost you to support and might even know of a setting that might be more suitable for your son.

Good luck.

If the nursery are saying that your child pretty much needed a 1:1 all day then why on earth did you think that a childminder with other children/babies would be a solution!
You seem in denial. I'm not sure why.

Yes of course she can terminate and she definitely should if he is hurting the babies. That shows she can't give them all the care they need. She is being sensible. My son has autism and never hurt babies as a toddler. I don't think that's 'normal' OP. He needs a 1-1.

I am sorry that you're in this situation, OP - it must be tough. But your DS needs to be with carers who respond positively to him and who are confident that they can meet his needs and keep him and others safe. She doesn't sound like the right person.

The fact that your son might not have hurt the other children deliberately is relevant for his needs (and a possible SEN diagnosis) but for the children being hurt, it's just as painful whether it's deliberate or not.

The childminder and nursery are saying that they can't look after your son and the other children within the ratios they work with. And private individuals/nurseries can't afford to pay for additional staff or take fewer children. Hopefully the HV will be able to help you find a setting which can look after him (likely to be a council one).

My adult ds has adhd/asd and some other medical issues. I recognised it early and got him help and support that has followed him through his education and he is now in his final year of degree with a first class honours.
One of his close friends appears ( it is v clear to me) to have asd or adhd or both. His Mother has never acknowledged his issues. He was a school refuser for years as he got no support, has no education and now just stays in his room doing nothing. He stays in touch via ps4. It breaks my heart as he is an intelligent lovely young man who now has little/no education, little/no future and a very limited life at present.
I worked as a classroom assistant when my ds was in primary. There was a girl in my class who clearly had some SEN. The teacher and school regularly spoke to her parents who refused to accept she had any ‘problems’. I watched that young girl struggle through school daily as she clearly needed just some extra support but without acknowledgment the school couldn’t provide it or give her additional support. I often wonder what happened to her As she was a wonderful but totally terrified young girl.
There may or may not be any issues with your ds. But two providers have now pointed out to you their concerns. My ds ( who has significant issues caused by adhd/asd) thrived with the support he needed. He would not if I hadn’t accepted it for him.

The fact that 2 childcare settings have said they can’t cope with him should be a red flag to you OP not something that you should argue with them. She obviously thinks it’s not safe to have him there, he’s already hurt other children, do you want her to wait until he causes a serious injury? He is 2 but he should be able to follow some rules and routines and be aware enough at that age to not hurt other children.

For what it's worth, my son has good eye contact and does imaginative play, uses vocabulary beyond his years and still has autism.

The childminder is providing a service, they can pick and choose who they work with, the same as an other industry

I would listen to what you're being told - it sounds like your child has additional needs and needs to be assessed and put in a suitable environment

I can understand why you want to pass these things off as him being young for his age but the nursery and childminder see a lot of children. They know what young for age looks like compared to a child with sen. You have been told your child needs additional support and you are being blasé about this. You need to step up and deal with things as they are.

Honestly you think it’s acceptable, stop making excuses.

Wow.

The child,in der can if she wants sadly terminate your contract as she decided she doesn’t like looking after anyone wearing the colour yellow. You only want to out your children into peoples care who want them there. If they don’t feel they can look after them I wouldn’t want my child with someone who doesn’t think they will look after them. Child minders and nurseries are voluntarily in business, it’s not like school that people have to provide something.

standing on babies and hitting them with toys and nipping you isn’t normal lovely, but well done for taking what everyone is saying on Baird and speaking to your health visitor and Gp. Make sure you make it clear that he has been terminated from two different child care settings and why

Yeah wow, the excuses you are making.

Yes she can terminate the contract with you and she would be absolutely correct to do so, as he is hurting the other children in her care.

I'd strongly suggest you talk to GP and HV as soon as you can.

If he is OP’s only child, his behaviour will be normal for them, but professionals are saying clearly that it isn’t normal behaviour. No one sends their baby or toddler to childcare to be hit, hurt or trodden on and no care provider wants to be pinched, nipped or hit and nor should they.

At this stage he may or may not have additional needs.

Some children are more challenging than others but it's better to prepare and try and get things in place and then not need them than to wait until it's very obvious and then start the (very long) process.

If you don't think he has additional needs, what strategies do you use at home to manage his behaviour?

Perhaps you need to try more consistency, changing the tone of your voice etc. at least if you have a good understanding of what works and what doesn't, the next child care setting isn't starting from scratch and you can provide a better overview.

I'd also ask to have his hearing checked. My son needed grommets and the first time I raised my voice afterwards he cried. Previously it had all just sounded the same and so he tuned out, especially in busy rooms as he couldn't distinguish sound. At home it wasn't so obvious.

Has he had any issues like repeat ear infections as this is often common.

The OP is absolutely apathetic about her child’s needs and the fact he has hurt much smaller children. It borders on neglectful parenting to wilfully ignore concerns being raised by professionals.

I don't think it's neglect. I think it's important to remember that Autism and ADHD conditions are heritable and that children with ND often have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles with traits. Often undiagnosed. It can mean that it's more challenging to pursue assessment and that characteristics and behaviours that stand out to NT families, might not appear to be unusual.

OP has said she will contact her HV. She is doing the right thing.

Have you done the 2 year assessment questionnaire yet with the health visitors? 10 words at 2 (unless he has literally only just turned 2) is not great but indicates with further support he could improve his speech. It’s great that he recognises Bluey but reading to him every day is one of the most important ways to help him, even if you just point at the pictures and describe what you think is happening.

The libraries have just got a load of new Bluey board books in so you could borrow a few of those and read some stories about Bluey and her sister Bingo to him.

You're clearly in denial.

He’s 2.5. He should be able to have a conversation by now, and communicate with the CM. So she’s right that he’s not reaching his milestones and that would
compromise the care of the other children.

Absolutely she can terminate the contract. She has a duty of care to all of the babies/children in her charge especially when another child is hurting babies.

You would have been fine with your child being hurt like this when he was a baby? When in the care of someone you were paying to keep him safe and well?

The CM can obviously accept or reject any child she likes and it seems she has given you useful feedback. Make the most of it.

You're being given a message loud and clear. Listen to it. The longer you make excuses, the worse it will be for all.

Gosh I got to the bit about 10 words at 2 year old. That’s non communicative. DC1 has speech delay and she spoke more than that by far. Nursery told us about it and we didn’t put our head in the sand like you. We got her referred to a speech therapist. It was much easier to be referred then as that’s 10 years ago.

But this page from the GOSH says you should expect 100-200 words around 2 and also joining of words together. The fact you wouldn’t even Google for reputable sources and acknowledge a problem is not helping your child.

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/speech-and-language-development-12-24-months

It must be very stressful, and I'm glad you have spoken to the HV.
Sorry if I missed this, but is this your only child OP?
Do you and DH have ND/SEN yourselves? Have you considered that as a possibility? I cannot understand how someone would think hurting other children, biting you and the multiple other issues raised would be 'normal' behaviours at that age!