Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

AIBU to think childcare should care for my child?

But she's said she doesn't want to provide childcare for him anymore. That's the whole point.

Can they wash their hands of him?

Of course. How would you force her to keep taking him when she doesn't want to?

@penelopepinkbott my autistic children make eye contact, and sleep through the night.

Utterly untrue Stop making things up. Adds nothing but is alarmist
This is not neglect. At all.

@Pololo

We used the first two months of DLA payments to pay for a private assessment. And another 2 months for private Ed psych.

Best money we ever spent, no idea why anyone wouldn’t prioritise it when you can have it ratified to get back into NHS services.

Even when it presents classicly ?
I'm not dounting you but obviously it's a huge spectrum and some people with autism have very complex needs .

They have given notice because they can’t meet the care needs of the little boy. Both settings have said the same. It’s got nothing to do with ‘not wanting him there’. Sadly, if OP doesn’t start the ball rolling in regards to getting her little boy support then there’s a big chance the next setting will also give notice.

Does this mean you’ll just keep placing him in different settings, he’ll keep hurting others (as you deem normal), they’ll alert you to their concerns and you’ll ignore them.

@DontGiveADuck

Mine too. One is also hugely popular and social - comorbid adhd, wildly creative, kind helps.

Yes. This is why local authorities and childcare settings need to provide reasonable adjustments regardless of diagnosis.

Sorry but with respect it isn’t ’utter crap’ working in education myself we would definitely be within our rights to report to social services. Most don’t! But it could be in the cards!

This is so useful, thank you so much! I'm always telling my kid off for crashing about and banging into me.

This is such a blessing in disguise, to have clear consistent feedback from two different childcare settings, while DS is still so young. Early intervention is important and waiting lists are huge. If you can run with this, you have the best possible chance of navigating assessment and diagnosis and securing the additional help and resources your son may need. If the nursery and childminder are correct, then they've done an excellent job.

Nips, as in bites?

“He just stood on them” - and they were babies. This needs addressing.

i think you need to read what I wrote again .

Quite

This sounds very difficult, OP, but please listen to the advice the two settings have given you. Your child’s educational journey will be easier for them if they are assessed prior to starting school. It’s hard news to take, but fighting it isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

FYI definition of neglect

In the UK, child neglect is defined as “the persistent failure to meet a child’s basic physical and/or psychological needs, likely to result in the serious impairment of the child’s health or development”.

By not consulting with health professionals regards her DS’ needs it COULD be considered to be neglect. I don’t think it is but those saying it are quite right!

If another child was repeatedly hurting yours would you expect the CM to keep that child when she wan't able to meet his/her needs, and that meant the other children weren't safe?

Of course you wouldn't. They aren't "washing their hands of him", they are recognising that they can't meet his needs without compromising the safety of the other children.

Please accept the recommendations to have your toddler assessed. If you are right - that he's capable of more than he's showing them, you will be reassured. If you are wrong and he's missing milestones, he'll get the assistance he needs.

This.

Both mine are deeply empathic, and made eye contact when younger, strong moral compass, desperate to please so happy to follow ‘rules’, early walkers/late talkers, not interested in pretend play but loved books and creative/building toys.

Puberty was when behaviours/responses that previously were ‘quirky’ became more difficult for the to manage, especially amongst typical judgmental teens and when the extra stress of GCSEs was added. Both are very different children/YPs, different temperaments, different presentations and challenges created by their ASD/ADHD, proving the adage that if you know a person with autism, you know ONE person with autism and are not an expert.

The Dx ‘autism’ is a precise as ‘cancer’ - different impacts, presentations, challenges, co-morbidities, prognoses; no one person’s experience the same as another, hence the ‘spectrum’.

OP should see an expert for assessment asap.

Believe me when I say how upsetting it is to be told your child isn’t doing as well as you had thought. It’s really hard to accept there is something wrong with them. I’m going through exactly the same thing now with a child, and have to accept the concerns raised by the childcare setting, even though I’m not totally in agreement - but can see what they are getting at. What isn’t a problem at all with me 1:1 at home, is a concern in a childcare setting. My career though is in assessing children with SEN, in order to get the best support for them, and early intervention is absolutely key here. At least 30% of the reception class children I see these days have communication issues - they may speak, but their language is weak. For example ‘do you want a crayon?’ might get a grunt in response , a ‘yes’, a ‘grab’, or ‘yes please I’d like a yellow one’. It’s clear which one is likely to make more progress academically, because if a child is weak with language, how on earth can they be expected to write a decent piece of writing when they are a bit older? I put language groups in as soon as possible, and with the right support it’s amazing what progress they can make, and often in a surprisingly short time too.
You are actually in a very fortunate position - though you may not believe it at the moment, and may well be grieving for the child you thought you had. But two settings have given clear indications of need - and you can use that to push for additional support for your child. Your little one is still very young, and with that right support they will be in the best position to make the best progress they can.
I’m in the same boat atm, and it’s tough, but if I have to push for a diagnosis to get the best support possible, then so be it. I’m glad to read you are also going to push for further support. Best wishes with your little one.

He was 3 yrs old, non-verbal, terrified when one of the playgroup leaders dressed up as a Womble for the Christmas party...

I don't think the womble thing is unusual, to be fair. Kids get freaked out by that sort of thing all the time.

Did the nursery not speak to you about putting DS forward for assessment?
Two of my friends had their nurseries get the ball rolling with their children’s diagnosis’.
I would 100% urge you to reach out to your GP and health visitor for support and referrals. Was there any concerns at DS 2 year HV assessment?
I’d definitely opt for another nursery for him as they’ll be able to provide more support for him and potentially have a 1:1 staff with him should he get a diagnosis (and government funding for the nursery to provide the additional support).

Try to find a council funded nursery / setting which will be more able to manage and help you to apply for an EHCP.

goodness we all have opinions.

I would take note of what they have said, and make an appointment with a health visitor too

But I’m also aware that children develop at different rates.

It could be something to do with his socialisation, perhaps he doesn’t see other children a lot, my children never really saw many babies at that age, until I took them to playgroups.

It could be that you don’t check poor behaviour at home, as lots of people don't

All sorts of reasons, without assuming that your child has learning difficulties.

Do yourself a favour and get some more advice, and make sure you play with them, ( not to the extent that they can’t amuse themselves, but sufficiently to be able to play) take them to different settings, and show them how to behave well.

I’ve seen lots of parents, not bothering to correct a poorly behaved child, and if you don’t let them know how to behave well, how can they be expected to know.

Have a look at what is expected of your child at this age, and practise doing these things with your child.

Shapes, stacking, motor skills, and everything else.

All of these things