Childminder terminated contract

[penelopepinkbott]

Started my son (2.5) with a new childminder a few weeks ago. She seems nice and my son went in very happily. We've had an email saying due to his needs the care of other children has been compromised and she needs to terminate our contract. She thinks a nursery would be better with more staff. She has mainly babies and says he has hurt them on more than one occasion.
We did use a nursery for a few month but they also asked us to leave as they couldn't meet his needs. Both CM and nursery suggest we assess for additional needs. CM sent a report shoring the milestones he wasn't meeting, mainly communication and language. I disagree as I know he can do more than he shows them. AIBU to think childcare should care for my child? Can they wash their hands of him?

Beachs so sorry you are going through this :(. My son (with needs) has hurt others and it fills me with dread every time I’m told about it :( I hope you know the parents on the other side feel terribly guilty :(

Did you tell the childminder this before she took him on?

Of course the child minder has a duty to stop children in her care from being hurt. I dont know officially what your rights are re childcare provision. But you need to acknowledge there is a problem and start getting it dealt with. This means having your DS assessed to see if he requires additional/specialised help.

My ds, looking back had clearly SEN at 2yo.
He made fantastic eye contact, better than either my girls who were NT, and talked well, and (mostly) obeyed instructions.

I first got suspicious in year R, but was told his was "just a summer boy" and "he'll grow out of it".
He was finally diagnosed with ASD and ADHD aged 13yo. It's the best thing that happened to him, and I so regret not pushing earlier. It accessed help and support, and has meant people are understanding and willing to help.
But the best thing was his self-esteem. His comment when he got the diagnosis was "I'm not the naughty boy now. There is a reason my brain works differently." I did tell him it wasn't to be used as an excuse, but a reason why he might need to do things differently, but it's made a huge difference.

Please listen to what two providers have told you and ask for assessment. Ds was "within the bounds of NT" according to his providers all the way through preschool and primary. It would have made a huge difference if we'd had the diagnosis to him and his own confidence. Don't deny him the opportunity of accessing help that he needs.

This really.

Two separate professional settings have raised concerns now. You need to seek the relevant diagnosis and support for your ds. Burying your head in the sand and denying the issue isn’t going to improve anything for him.

Than you. Id like to think the parents are and I don’t in anyway blame the child, but the cm needs to be dealing with this better.

when I had a meeting with them they put all back on my saying she’s a toddler what do you want me to do about it 🤷‍♀️ well support the child better so they are not hurting the others ffs. It truly isn’t the child’s fault if they are SEN but as in this case the parents need help.

I think you’re getting a hard time but there’s no point in sending him where they don’t want him.
It is a good idea to speak to your hv and gp but don’t expect much to happen, I speak from experience. Both mine have needed speech therapy for different reasons, my eldest had about 10 words but wasn’t joining any together at 2.5 years, didn’t play with other children and he’s only just mastering sitting still at 7. We are only just reaching the assessment stage and apparently we are unlikely to reach the top of the list within 2 years. But currently it’s not really impacting on his life.
You are unlikely to get any speech therapy until 3.5 years and then probably only group sessions and you’ll have to put the work in at home.
Try and use a school nursery or preschool with wrap round care if you need it. Much better with children with additional needs.
Good luck

Let me start with IF your child has an additional need, it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong or that you've made him have a disability.

The childminder is within her rights she has to make sure she meets the needs of all the children in her care not just your son.

He sounds like he needs 1 to 1 care to meet his needs. But to get that he needs an EHCP and to be assessed.

Unfortunately childcare ratios for a 2 year old are 1 adult to 5 2 year olds. Which as someone who works in childcare can be hard work.

The nursery and childminder are both suggesting that he has an additional need. These people work with children they have studied childcare and have to make assessments on the children in their care on their development. The government have age related targets.

If your son is only Saying 10 words at 2 1/2 then I would be concerned.

Take a look at this page
https://speechandlanguage.org.uk/help-for-families/ages-and-stages/2-3-years/

I have a son who has autism and also ADHD and he can make eye contact.

There's a whole misconception that someone with Autism will no make eye contact and will flap etc. Autism is a spectrum with various degrees of difficulties.

My Advice would be speak to the old nursery the childminder and ask for written confirmation that they believe your son to have additional need, next speak to your GP and health visitor regarding these. And ask for assessments.

You could also find a new setting if you need to find childcare and be open and honest with them that he has had to leave other settings due to them not being able to meet his needs and that he has a suspected additional need. Also do you have a local children's centre. There are many groups that are run from them free of charge.

Once your son becomes 3 the ratio for child to adult becomes 1:8 which can be even harder to manage.

When he goes to school the ratios are even higher.

It is best now to get help and support you owe it to your son.

You can’t really claim the childminder and nursery aren’t being inclusive and say he doesn’t have additional needs in the same breath.
I find it hard to believe a nursery or a childminder would terminate a place without first having discussions with you regarding his behaviour. If then you were making excuses or being dismissive when they were trying to access support for your son, then yes they can terminate his space, especially if it puts the other children at risk, and you are not willing to believe experienced early years professionals.

YANBU at all. These childcare professionals are obviously using special needs as an excuse to terminate contracts and earn less money because they don't enjoy having an income. Your little one should be allowed to hurt as many babies as like - after all, he likes Bluey and can say 10 words.

It is very hard as a parent to spot some SN as your child is what you are aware of and you unconsciously adapt your parenting and expectations to suit.
I said to a Reception teacher I wasn't too worried about DD2's motorskills as DD1 was worse. Turns out they both had dyspraxia. (I did get DD2 checked out as the teacher had experience of 100s of children).

It's good that it's not malicious...but if your child is hurting others, the CM needs to put their needs first.

If she doesn't have the capacity to look after your child, surely you don't want him to be with her?

I didn’t say that she shouldn’t seek help. Also, you can’t just get an assessment at the drop of a hat - unless you have the means to go private it can take several years on a waiting list to be assessed on the NHS.

When you have a child with additional needs and they are little it is sometimes hard to see it. Particularly if the child is your first. I say this from experience of my own child and it was picked up at school. I would do as they suggest as a nursery will hopefully be able to get support in place. I would speak to your gp and health visitor about a paed referral. The more in place the better it will be for him in the future.

Oh you’re going to be one of those mothers.

OP - 2 professional settings have advised your son may have SN. Please take their concerns on board and get him assessed. There is a huge waiting list, often 2+ years, so the earlier you start the better it will be for your son. The fact that you have professionals already concerned will actually be a great advantage to you and your son.

When I was at toddler group there was a boy there, aged 2, I just knew was autistic. He just ran around the room on his own, swiping everything off tables, climbing on tables, not listening much to his mum. His mum just assumed he was a ‘typical’ boisterous, lazy boy. I didn’t voice my concerns as it wasn’t my place. A year later when he went to nursery, they immediately picked up on his behaviour and started the assessment ball rolling - he was dx ASD fairly quickly, severe enough that he then attended a specialist school as mainstream couldn’t meet his needs. Sometimes things just aren’t apparent to parents, mostly because we deal with our children’s behaviour/quirks etc from day 1 and just assume it’s normal as that’s all we’ve ever known.

I wish professionals had listened to me earlier when I voiced concerns about my child … they didn’t and they consequently weren’t dx til age 11. Their school life may been much easier for them if I’d been listened to and taken seriously.

What a horrible comment!! He’s a 2 year old child for god sake.
OP, a childcare setting can decide they cannot meet a child’s needs safely. Even a school can decide they cannot meet a child’s needs safely any more. It’s not about being inclusive it’s about what’s best for the child and all the other children in the setting.
My child is Autistic and I know it’s a lot to come to terms with and you may be worried about the future. I promise you though that the sooner you find out for definite what his difficulties are, the brighter his future will be.

if they can’t meet his needs its best fir them to say. You need to get him assessed for send. In the meantime look for a new setting, be honest with them.

This is partly the problem. It's your own ignorant view of autism that makes it still a stigma.
Autism is not just eye contact and sleeping badly.

People with autism also have empathy. In fact, they often have too much.

I think you need to go and read up on autism before you make incorrect statements about what you believe to be true. It's part of the problem in society

@penelopepinkbott

You have had a nursery and a private childminder telling you your son at 2.5 shows clear signs of autism.

They are professionals dealing with children on a daily basis with a wealth of experience.

The best chance you have of your son having a normal life is to have early assessment and intervention.

You need to get reports from the nursery and and childminder immediately, have your Gp or health visitor refer him to nhs assessment…. Then find a private provider (if you can afford it), that follows NICE guidelines that the NHS will accept a report from for ratification - phone a local autism charity in your area for advice on private providers and management.

If you do the above you can have your child assessed within the next year, and following nhs ratification he will be on the wait list for intervention….

All of this is important because it sounds like your son could need 1:1 or an alternate setting, both of which are hard to come by and you need an evidence bank.

Ideally, you want him going into school with an EHCP so that his needs are met and he is able to meet his potential.

With early identification you have a massive opportunity to support him to be the best he can be…. Or due to your stubbornness he can go into school unsupported and end up in a right mess.

Regards the childminder - yes she can terminate the contract if he is endangering the other children. You may need to make yourself, husband or family member available or hire a child minder for him alone. You can apply for DLA once he is 3, diagnosis or not, to help cover the extra costs. Citizens advice and online guides can help.

Genuinely my son was like yours at the same age but it wasn’t picked up until he was 3.5. You have a huge opportunity to do good for him here. Bluey is his special interest hence why he pays attention.

Read up on the signs of autism and aspergers syndrome (now under the autism umbrella). Please take the advice from people who are professionally trained and all the mothers on here urging you to get your son help - you would if he had a physical health need.

Now I'm wondering whether bad parenting is the cause: "He just..."

Eye contact doesn't mean hes not autistic, also it can be hard to see things in your own child.

2 neutral observers have flagged issues. This means something.Go to GP request an assessment. It’s a lot to think about and understandably you’re prioritising your son. I wish you both well going forward.

I think if childcare providers are raising concerns you are better to get an assessment of need done for peace of mind. If your child needs extra support it's better to have a diagnosis as early as possible. Autism doesn't always present as you might expect. My son has good eye contact,is verbal, is a brilliant sleeper, is calm and relaxed, shows great awareness around other people but has severe autism.