To say 'enough' and just get rid of it all?

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I know I am in a very fortunate position to have a nice house, lots of toys and clothes for my children, all the streaming platforms etc but I think it’s damaging us.

I dream of having a simple life, of my kids (ages 5 and 8) playing outside for hours and coming in when they're tired to do some reading or drawing, of eating simple meals, spending time together.

I do my best to limit their exposure to streaming platforms, online games etc but when I'm tired and overwhelmed with housework I capitulate and they know it. Also I spend too long on my phone (right now as a prime example, with kids sat in front of Disney+ while I type away). I want to get rid of Facebook etc but don't want to lose the ability to connect to the many people I've met through my life who I'm not close to but still fond of.

Older DC will read a bit to please me but I know she'd rather be playing on the ipad, or watching god-awful tween dramas where all the characters have mobile phones and fight with each other all the time. She loves buying stuff though and has a shelf full of books that she has chosen because they are shiny and cute but that she has never read. When I was her age I remember getting two books for my birthday and they were absolutely treasured and read over and over.

Younger DC is less interested in the TV and will happily come out for a walk with me but he, like his sister, has terrible concentration and struggles to get down to anything that isn't fascinating for him (thanks 24-hour entertainment on demand). His teacher has told me he is the same at school.

It all seems so simple to just take it all away (DH is very pro-technology and a spendthrift as well but he would do it to support me). But I actually feel scared to do it, which is ridiculous.

Please can you give me your opinions and your experience on this? Particularly keen to hear from those who have downsized in the same way! Thanks all 🌞

I feel like taking it all away is extreme and not actually the solution.

balance and moderation are the solution, technology is a wonderful thing used appropriately.

the solution here is to have more boundaries around appropriate use, surely? Otherwise as soon as they are old enough they will just make their own decisions and go back to it without ever learning to balance its use with other activities in life.

It’s the world they live in though so not sure going off grid is entirely fair. Definitely limiting tech for younger children is a good idea. Our now teens didn’t have any screens except some telly after tea and did lots of playing in the garden and reading as a result.

can you do active things with the to take away from their screens, cooking, they can help clean,, get them too write stories

I didn’t get an iPad myself until kids mid primary they never had them. I think that’s where the issue is now younger kids having their own screens so easier access to screens. No phones until 12.

I'd put the tech away more often. Have 1 hr per day of no-tech time when you & kids all put away devices.

And for non tech toys, have them out on rotation. So have one week with (say) all the brio and wooden blocks out and play with those. Then put them away properly and get out Lego for a week etc. it means each toy seems new when you get it out and you & kids can set it up together etc.

Look, technology is part of life now. It just is. My ds spends hours gaming or gawping at his phone. I don't particularly enjoy it but I let it slide and don't have time restrictions on these things because he has a very balanced lifestyle (plays lots of sports, spends time outside, reads, draws and likes being out with friends) so if he chooses to wind down by playing PS or watching mindless crap on his phone it's fine. I do it too so who am I to tell him it's wrong?

I think we are obsessed with screen time and sure it can be a bad thing if it's all a child ever does or they are neglecting school/social life etc because they'd rather be on a screen. But otherwise I don't an issue. My son plays with his friends online and it's actually nice to hear them chatting and laughing together.

If your dc have balanced well rounded lives I wouldn't beat yourself up over screen time and I certainly wouldn't be taking it all away.

They have about an hour of TV after school, and maybe two hours per day at the weekend. They will do other stuff but it often feels like, especially with DD, they are killing time before they can get back to their screens. Reading and sport are the things they do to get their screens as a reward.

When I say TV, I mean screens in general

when I'm tired and overwhelmed with housework I capitulate and they know it

Get a cleaner! You do sound discouraged, and offloading the housework is one easy part of the solution. Sorry I’ve no advice about the rest.

I didn’t downsize and my experience was a few years back, so these things were not quite so prevalent back then, but I refused to get mine smartphones until they were fourteen. They did get very basic mobiles so they could call or text in an emergency.

My eldest has since then thanked me for giving them that childhood, where we were out all the time and weren’t addicted to screens or electronic toys. I was also interested to see that all of them largely rejected social media without me intervening much at all. My daughter was of an age where young women were getting heavily influenced by Tumblr, but she said she very quickly got bored of the competitive victimhood.

So it’s not directly the same because it’s much more common now, but my children seem to have appreciated it in the long run, though they were cross and embarrassed at the time that everyone else had expensive phones and they didn’t.

That's a fair point, thanks 😊 we did have a cleaner for a little while and it was amazing the difference it made!

In terms of your own screen time, do you have a home laptop? I’ve noticed that since I deleted social media off my phone I’m on it a lot less. It’s still on my laptop if I really need it, but for that I’d have to get it out of the cupboard, set it up, turn it on etc, and most of the time I really cannot be bothered.

I wouldn't get rid of everything entirely, but I'm thinking ipads for homework/learning only, and proper TV on the telly rather than binging on series. Family films in the evening etc

But you aren’t living in the 1970s, any more than you are living in the 17th century. Technology has moved on and this is the world now.

If you deny them access to the modern world, your children are likely eventually to resent you and rebel against your approach. As they get older it will be harder and harder to enforce; all of my DC’s homework is set and submitted via Teams. Their social lives are arranged via WhatsApp and in part conducted online too (when it comes to gaming).

Much better to aim for balance. Time away from screens and allowing room for creativity via boredom is important. But you also need to think about how to make the alternatives appealing in their own right, which won’t happen if you’re scrolling on your own phone.

We’ve been interactive with our kids to show them how to achieve balance. Lots of in-person board games, cooking together, family sports (tennis, paddle boarding etc), online art classes together, discussing the news, politics etc. They actively want to do stuff with us and in turn that has led to offshoots of independent non-screen activity as they’ve got older. It’s far from a simple wireless life but is rich, sociable and happy.

it’s unreasonable to want your children to relive your childhood. Life has changed so much. When I did my degree there was no internet. Hideous. Doing my post grad many years later was so much easier because there was internet by then. Progress has a lot of plus points. Screens can be educational. My son is currently learning multiple languages on duolingo. It’s fun. I think setting boundaries will work for you. No screens during daytime and for an hour at night sort of thing. As your children get older you’ll find they want to connect with friends online as well as out playing and that can be good too. But they are little. Go with what they need just now and move your boundaries as they grow. Unplugged is fine but it’s not better. Your best option is a bit of both. Nothing to stop you from taking screens out of your own life if you don’t want to watch tv etc for yourself. Just have tv in kids room/playroom or switch off when it’s you and dh at night and kids asleep. Again put your phone down after an hour and either put it in another room or switch it off. No need to stop having any access altogether.

I won't let either of them on YouTube at all

OP - sign your kids up for horse riding lessons (or similar fun outdoors pursuits). It completely changed my (now teen) daughter's childhood. She's still on her phone and on social media but spends all her time after school and on weekends at the stables in all weathers. It's done wonders for her mental and physical health and she's turned into a super teen. Also, it's a fantastic way to make friends outside school.

There's no way I'd do this. They only have an hour a day as it is and you want to remove that too? Times have changed, we don't live in the 1980's now.

5 & 8 crikey why have they got all this tech? My ds is 15, but at your kids ages his weekends were about swimming, bike rides etc he didn’t own a device of his own but was allowed to play the occasional Lego game on the PC. He read books because we didn’t provide much screen opportunities. At 8 he was working his way through the Famous Five books. Obviously he watched some kids TV but we supervised his choices.

You and your Dh have created this situation. If you want to change it you will have to work together. Arrange family activities for the weekends and hide the tech!

You want to live in an Enid Blyton novel.
Don't we all? We want kids who;
are seen and not heard
sit at the table to eat
converse about topics of the day
clear the table and wash-up without tantrums.
read voraciously, thus making them imaginative, independent, erudite and articulate (actually, the one single thing I wish kids did today)
But we are where we are...

Am I understanding correctly that they get one hour a day, and two hours Sat & Sun?

If so I don't see a problem?

Also if your 5 yo is struggling to focus at school this is unlikely to be the issue.

Restrict rather than remove.

They are old enough to help with the housework or have their own chores. That way you are all more physically active and you get less tired yourself and less likely to succumb to sitting with phone.

Yesterday mine were out of the house from 8am-12pm playing football. They then cooked lunch. They had an hour of (online!) tutoring, did some music practice then played a board game for 2 hours. Watched the football as a family then spent the evening/night online with their friends.

They're older than yours (12 & 14) but at no point have I been strict with their online time; they’ve reached this equilibrium quite naturally without me having to manage it heavily.