To say 'enough' and just get rid of it all?

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I know I am in a very fortunate position to have a nice house, lots of toys and clothes for my children, all the streaming platforms etc but I think it’s damaging us.

I dream of having a simple life, of my kids (ages 5 and 8) playing outside for hours and coming in when they're tired to do some reading or drawing, of eating simple meals, spending time together.

I do my best to limit their exposure to streaming platforms, online games etc but when I'm tired and overwhelmed with housework I capitulate and they know it. Also I spend too long on my phone (right now as a prime example, with kids sat in front of Disney+ while I type away). I want to get rid of Facebook etc but don't want to lose the ability to connect to the many people I've met through my life who I'm not close to but still fond of.

Older DC will read a bit to please me but I know she'd rather be playing on the ipad, or watching god-awful tween dramas where all the characters have mobile phones and fight with each other all the time. She loves buying stuff though and has a shelf full of books that she has chosen because they are shiny and cute but that she has never read. When I was her age I remember getting two books for my birthday and they were absolutely treasured and read over and over.

Younger DC is less interested in the TV and will happily come out for a walk with me but he, like his sister, has terrible concentration and struggles to get down to anything that isn't fascinating for him (thanks 24-hour entertainment on demand). His teacher has told me he is the same at school.

It all seems so simple to just take it all away (DH is very pro-technology and a spendthrift as well but he would do it to support me). But I actually feel scared to do it, which is ridiculous.

Please can you give me your opinions and your experience on this? Particularly keen to hear from those who have downsized in the same way! Thanks all 🌞

I have very strict screen times rules. No screens ever at the table. Dinners are always at the table as well. Screens during the week for school work only. And maybe the odd tv show on one of the apps. Weekends are a bit more relaxed with gaming and screens, but a max of 3 hrs spread out through the day. This can include the odd family movie.

We don't have a cable/satellite package, nor Netflix, Disney + subscription is up this month, and we aren't renewing. We have amazon Prime but won't renew in October. We also don't have Spotify.

Cutting back on all of the above will save us around £600/Yr.

With Disney + and Netflix, you can dip in and out any time. We will get Netflix for a month here and there, for example, over Christmas or summer hols. Plus, with the smart TV apps for bbc, itv, etc, there's always plenty to watch.

Meals are well balanced and can be on the more expensive side because we buy the best we can afford. I'm trying to limit upf as much as possible which is a struggle.

I'd rather put the money saved on family days out, holidays or kids clubs.

We schedule (otherwise, it's hard to get out sometimes) walks, national trust visits, and bike rides in for the weekends. After homework and dinner, we do family board games and stealth learning, reading, and all the cuddles.

I've been very strict with tech from day one and dh does follow suit. We do allow gaming, laptops, pads whatever to be used because they need to know how they work but also they are really good at asking and being told to do something else.

When feeling overwhelmed by the household tasks and life instead of letting the kids use screens, I'll set up a game, crafts or something in the garden and use that time have a coffee and read my kindle for a reset.

It works for us but understand it may not work for everyone.

Thanks @Blanketpolicy . I agree that even in the past 10 years, it has become more of a problem. When my DCs were preschoolers, I didn't even have a smartphone myself, and we never had a tablet, still don't.

I guess my point from my rather bitter post above is that you can create the perfect balance with screen time and other activities for your DCs when they are young, and that's a really good thing to do ... but just be warned, when the gloom and withdrawal and dopamine-seeking behaviour of adolescence starts to manifest itself, all that can very quickly go out the window.

We are a no tv time/screens family. Honestly I don't know how to word it because it's so normal to me. We don't have a tv because we didn't get one after we married. We spend time with each other in the evenings etc. once we had kids I obviously didn't want to expose them to tv too early (I mean we didn't have it growing up so its not a necessity) but then as my children grew and made more friends and I got exposed to childrens programmes I thought 'whats the harm?'
So we started an episode of thomas the tank engine on you tube once every 3 days. Not even for me to have some me time. I thought I was doing it as a treat. (🙈I know)
Then obv every time I put in off, they wanted more. We suddenly had fights we've never had before. And because it was an option I would use it more. And it made me lazy, because now they were on screens so I started spending more time on my phone too. I also started noticing the kids couldn't play as independently as before. Like they'd be under my feet and ask 'mom what can we do?' and my children were great at playing alone. My 20 month old can play with blocks for 30-45 minutes without needing any input from me. My 3.5 year old can spend 2 hours building duplo or playing outside in the sand without needing an adult. And the older ones don't need any input at all .
I honestly never understood parents who said 'i put the tv on so I can get a break or get something done'
I was like 'surely you just send them out to play?'
Only once I introduced tv did I understand that it's the norm in other households that toddlers can't play alone.
We just stopped it cold turkey. I mean what do they really gain from it? Don't tell me 'awhh you can't shield your children from tech for ever'
It's not tech. They're not programming or inventing something.
They're mindlessly watching absolute bogus.

Then you gate parents that say 'ahh yes but ist educational, it teaches them language'etc. That's also bull
Do you think a tv is better at teaching a child language than a responsive parent?
No.
A one dimensional game better at teaching shapes than touching, feeling and using your own body to draw shapes?
No

I also think cold turkey is easier. Think about if you have a slab of chocolate and you tell yourself you can only eat one block. Much harder than not having the block at all. Now I end up thinking about the block the whole time!
Same with kids, if there is no sweets in the house the kids accept it easily. Of there is a packet and you only give one each, how much harder do you have to fight them?

Also to the people saying it's not realistic, why not?
Why do you think a tv is so integral to your life that it's not realistic to get rid of it?
I would just cut screens cold turkey.
As with social media, my first suggestion would be to delete the apps of your phone and only access them via your laptop. That way you'll spend less time on them.

I think the ideal you're chasing doesn't exist. The rise of 'cottagecore' on Instagram and tiktok showing happy families collecting eggs, baking bread, and walking through flower meadows is as fake as a promise from the Tory party. Those creators spend DAYS on their smartphones, computers, cameras, and editing software to create the perfect 10 second video. They dont live the life they portray, its all a money making enterprise. Playing out before the Internet also wasn't a bed of roses. I grew up in the 80s and was kicked out until the streetlamps came on. I remember bullying, creepy men, and a whole host of dangerous situations that never should have been allowed. Let your kids have their technology but also schedule in some outdoor stuff. Don't feel guilty for adapting to the world we live in.

I'm a young mum and we don't have a tv, ipad or anything. Obv we have phones but children don't access them
I honestly don't think it's hard, parents just don't want to do it. They're using it as childcare which has short term gain but long term loss as kids can't play independently anymore .
You just have to decide.
I don't feel any external pressure to give my kids screens, but I think most people internally thi k they wouldn't cope if the didn't have screens.
Just my experience and I know this will sound harsh but I think parents don't have the balls to take it away

Don't feel bad, it's very tough to go against the grain. There's a huge societal push towards tech + the products themselves are designed to be addictive. I mean there's a thread somewhere by someone 'from Silicon Valley' about their 'robotic childcare' app project and people think it's a really interesting idea apparently, on another thread a poster said after school club consists of DCs plonked in front of a screen, etc. it's mad.
Circumstances vary, there's only so much you can do.
No phones before year 7, a range of activities, etc. are a really good basis, in the long term it makes a huge difference. Even if they go through a phase of being obsessed with screens as a teenager and all seems lost for a while, they have the resources for something else.

How old are your kids?

Maybe you could lead by example/satisfy your "simple life" urges by cooking all your meals from scratch using only local, seasonal and sustainable ingredients?

Completely agree!

DS is 8 and aside from reading his book all his homework is done online. So we'd NEED a laptop, tablet or smartphone.

OP just needs to limit the time DC are on 'things' if she feels it's too much.

With regards to streaming shows and films, when I was primary aged (43 now so eons ago!) I would watch videos of films I liked

That opens another can of worms! We have a great farm shop in the village selling only local produce, and I'd be delighted to buy all our food there, but of course my children much prefer berries and avocados to local wintery produce. That'll get easier in the summer though!

I think this is exactly what I mean... it often feels like they are just killing time until screen time again, rather than really enjoying the moment they are in. If streaming/ Internet wasn't an option for them then they wouldn't miss it in the same way, I don't think.

Oh and about the cleaning, yes I work ft with a fairly long commute so once I'm done with making dinner and helping DC with homework of an evening, it doesn't leave me much time for cleaning, laundry etc. DH gives the house a good going over on a Saturday morning but works late during the week so I'm on my own

Children might have had short attention spans around some things, but research is mounting that tech is definitely making it worse across a wider range of things, and making short attention spans shorter.

It comforts us as parents to pretend it’s always been this way, and tech is fine, but that’s because we’re all hooked on our tech too (I know I have been). Silicon Valley CEOs don’t let their kids have smartphones of tablets until they are way older, because they know exactly how harmful it is, to our learning, development, emotional regulation, socialising, attention spans, and focus.

Try it for a month, all of you, to massively reduce your tech use and just use it when you choose to, not when your addiction tells you should. You’ll have withdrawals, but it makes a huge difference, I promise.