Dd hasn't phoned me after my brother died

[Sadsistermother]

My only sibling died late last week. I was very close to him as we were very close in age. He was terminally ill and had been given 4 months to live but died after less than a month. It was unexpected. He was ND and unmarried with no children.
Anyway I have 4dc, one still at school and the others are adult. 2 of my adult dc telephoned me to make sure I was okay but the 3rd (married with dc) hasn't though she has phoned by parents to offer condolences. She sent me a short WhatsApp. I mentioned this to dh and he started laughing very loudly at my expectation as though I was putting myself at the same level as my parents in terms of loss. I am devastated at my brother's death. AIBU

[MNHQ have edited the OP so the thread doesn't get derailed by discussion about a particular phrase]

I would call someone a twat to their face if they were niggling someone about their words in the face of their overwhelming grief.

Clearly you are calling me an idiot too, as i don't know what the phrase means.
Perhaps a clarification rather than abuse would facilitate them to help OP

Oh FFS. She's grieving. Get a life

I’m Irish and have heard Irish twins used in the context op did, never heard it used as an insult, sometimes meanings change over time I suppose?! Op was there not a funeral? I’d say phone your ds and arrange a family meet up, talk about your brother. I know the Irish are known for wakes and funerals and the likes and I wasn’t always a fan as seeing others catching up when you’re in the depths of misery is hard, but as I’m getting older I’m appreciating that it helps to talk to people about the person. Tell them you’re sad and hurt and have as nice a time as you can have in this sad time x

@sorrynotathome and you felt that was appropriate time to comment on a post about bereavement

I think you set the tone when you messaged rather than called her. 48 hours has probably seemed like an eternity to you, but flown by for her. She's been in contact with your parents, which is right and appropriate.

It's very early days, don't go looking for upset, you have enough on your plate.

Your DD did get in contact though, through WhatsApp - it’s a valid message of communication these days. If she wasn’t close to her uncle and barely saw him, I could understand- she did call your parents.
Not sure why your husband laughed - maybe it was a ‘nervous’ laugh?

If your dh is your " ex-dh" does he still live with you?
If he's your ex just ignore him. Don't even ask him about it.

@Itslegitimatesalvage Thank you for explaining.

ODFOD

I got told a relative had died by WhatsApp too, so I assumed the person telling me was too busy / upset to talk, and had lots of people to inform, so I also replied by WhatsApp. I don’t think you can blame them for replying by the same method you used yourself. The fact that she then rang your parents shows she cares. I’m sorry for your loss, but I think you’re focussing on the wrong thing, and if you want to talk to her, then call her, but please don’t have a go at her for the way she responded.

OP I just wanted to say, I lost my brother last year in very similar circumstances, it was a shock. I understand your shock and pain. I’m so sorry for your loss.

OP, I am sorry for your loss.

You say that your children were not close to their uncle, you told them all via WhatsApp and your daughter messaged back and has phoned your parents, his death was 48 hours ago and was expected, I am unsure how much more your daughter can do, just because you were close to your brother does not mean she was as you have said.

What do you want her to do? Your daughter probably thinks that you are supporting your parents and organising things.

Your daughter will probably call and chat when things have settled down.

Oh I lost my dbro. Sibling relationships are complex as I have found out. I found more support in my friends tbh than family.

What's an Irish twin??

If they were as unsympathetic as the poster who totally ignored the fact op has just lost her sibling, yes absolutely ll would. He/she sounds horrible.

Huh?? I’m not calling someone an idiot for being unfamiliar with the phrase. I’m calling them an idiot for responding only to that element of a post from someone clearly bereaved and distressed. I really don’t think they have any in interest in helping the OP!

@Thistoo2023 Sorry! Appreciate this is a sidetrack to main post. I had not heard phrase, so did feel daft for not knowing why people were so upset about it, particularly as pp had used it.

Same here!

I think you’re focusing on the wrong part. Your DD has been at most thoughtless - maybe as you whatsapped her she thought that was your preferred method of communication about this.

Your DH however… what he did was vile and I would be completely devastated if my husband laughed at me while I was grieving for my sibling.

Your DD did call your parents though, which was thoughtful. She did message you as well. How did you respond to her message? Did you tell her you are very upset by the death of your twin brother? She may not have thought it all through.

Your husband's reaction is odd, unless there is some backstory?

This! Why is your husband laughing?!!!

Wow. Heartless.

You WhatsApped her, she replied in the same way. I dont think she's done anything wrong.