Didn’t think to book bowling - am I the villain?

[DaniRT]

It was DS’s birthday today and he decided he wanted to go bowling and with both side’s grandparents. I didn’t think it would be busy because I called a few days ago and the woman said you didn’t need to book so I didn’t bother.

Fast forward to today and we get there and it’s the busiest I’ve ever seen it and there were no spaces available. Obviously it was my fault I didn’t book and I hold my hands up. However DS was fuming and stormed off swearing at me and every one else’s faces were like thunder. MIL, FIL and my parents were making comments like ‘why didn’t she book? I’d have thought she’d think to book’ whilst scowling at me as though I was the wicked witch of the west. There was a massive atmosphere for about an hour after this happened and I felt like I’d murdered someone or something.

We decided to go to Wetherspoons instead afterwards and it ended up being ok other than my mum making a couple of jokey snide comments in my direction and I felt so scrutinised by everyone despite me being the only person who ever organises anything in this family. I apologised for the mistake but I’m a human being and on this occasion I titsed up!

AIBU to think I was treated too harshly for my one and only birthday mishap or was it fair?

The grandparents reacted really badly OP.

I'm a booker and a planner but if the bowling place said there was no need I may well have left it to give us more flexibility in case anyone was running late etc.

I hope every time someone made a comment you replied that you'd rung but they'd said there was no need!

Regardless of how it happened, I know if that happened in our family the grandparents would have instantly jumped on cheering the DC up and distracting them and spoiling them etc. Your parents and in-law sound really mean and unhelpful. Surely no one bar your DS was actually bothered about the bowling!

Surely your family has learnt their lesson, and someone else can start taking some responsibility for these things?

In answer to your question, yes I think your family did treat you too harshly.
Instead of helping to save your son's Birthday they put their energy into making you feel bad for over an hour.
I'm sure you felt bad enough.
I presume if your son is old enough to storm off swearing then he's old enough not to behave like a spoilt brat.

How old is your DS op?
If he is old enough for you to put with him swearing at you for a genuine mistake I take it he's an adult who should be more that capable of organising his own birthday celebrations so I'd say the onus was on him to book it

Could you book to take him today?? Maybe with a friend if grandparents aren't still around?

I think I would have asked when the next slot was available. Sometimes it might only be an hour or so away as bowling doesn't take super long or for today.

Id be trying to make it up by redoing it. But that's because it's a ruined birthday not because of anything else.

I don't think you're a villain 😀I think I'd have booked the bowling, just to be sure (Wetherspoons doesn't sound like a great alternative to me!) but then again, they did say you didn't have to when you checked.

It is being a perfect parent when you know OP is upset and yet people keep pilimg on with ‘I would have booked’. Yes, we get it 🙄

What do you mean the staff meant you don’t need to pre-book but you do need to book? What does that mean?

I think I would have booked as I was already on the phone.

Wouldn't be organising anything for a while though.

How old is your son?

Had the Gps all travelled a long way?

I know it's disappointing but was everyone so desperate to go bowling that just having a meal together instead was such a big let down?

I think your family's reaction was understandable. It would be pretty annoying.

The staff member may not have been listening properly or realise you wanted to book at the weekend..

Just take it as a lesson for booking anything in the future, and just book it online.
No need to ring these days and usually any queries are under their FAW section.

Or tell them to organise/book activities themselves.

I’ve learned my lesson I definitely will book if when we go again.

My lesson would be to let someone else take over!

What an overreaction by everyone.

Did you not tell them you called to book and the bowling centre said not to worry because it's never that busy?

It wasn't like you did t try and do something about it.

Plus a child that age swearing at you shows a greater depth of general disrespect towards you from family. If my ds had sworn at me my parents would have torn shreds off him - not joined in the digs.

Horrible for everyone to have been so shitty with you. Yes, with hindsight you should have booked given it was a weekend but no one died. It was an error of judgement, that’s all. Everyone should have got over it in about five minutes (including the birthday boy- old enough to swear = old enough to get over the disappointment without making a huge fuss). I imagine you felt bad enough as it was without everyone making you feel even more terrible.

I would have booked as I'd want certainty. What is your partner / child's dad doing in this situation?

It's also quite childish of your other family to make the situation worse by moaning.

Because she’s his mother. Why would either of the grannies book? They were invited, not organising. She discussed with her DS want he wanted to he said bowling.

. However DS was fuming and stormed off swearing at me and every one else’s faces were like thunder

i don’t care if he apologised straight after or not, that’s a disgraceful way to talk to your mother and why weren’t everyone else’s faces in shock at how he spoke to you?

what an entitled and rude child and family. Stop organising things for the lot of them. There’s no way I’d have gone to the pub with any of them after that.

I'm betting that you have had other instances when your extended family have treated you badly and now your son is mirroring that behaviour. Swearing at you is unacceptable.

For those berating the OP, she rang the venue and followed their advice. She didn't just take a punt. It is irrelevant that you might have done something different.

OP your family behaved like dicks and moving forward I would take a back seat and let them become the organisers.

I don't think their reaction was understandable at all! Why would they react in a way that would only increase the child's unhappiness rather than trying to distract him and come up with an alternative? Why would they not be more supportive of their daughter/daughter-in-law in a stressful situation? I know the child will have been disappointed but to the adults it's only bloody bowling. Why not try and help the situation along rather than adding more aggro.

I think if something is bookable then I book it but then I do get anxiety about these type of things so it helps if I know I have a booking. There was no need for the snidey comments from your family though when I'm sure you were feeling bad enough already.

I think your family's reaction was understandable. It would be pretty annoying.

Really? OP says
MIL, FIL and my parents were making comments like ‘why didn’t she book? I’d have thought she’d think to book’ whilst scowling at me as though I was the wicked witch of the west. There was a massive atmosphere for about an hour after this happened

You think that's a reasonable way to behave towards anyone, never mind your own family? I'm glad my family would rally round to save the day and would know that I would be feeling bad enough w/o them piling on.

Why didn't DP book? It's not always your fault and you did call and you were misadvised

Not your fault OP

@moonfacer

What do you mean the staff meant you don’t need to pre-book but you do need to book? What does that mean?

Well I didn't say that, I said member of staff said she didn’t need to book which might have/probably meant you don't have to prebook ie they take walk-ins. So technically customers don't need to book. Obviously, if you want a guaranteed slot, it's a good idea to book ahead as OP has found out.

It is being a perfect parent when you know OP is upset and yet people keep pilimg on with ‘I would have booked’. Yes, we get it 🙄

Many posters are responding that they would have booked because it's true. - people are surprised that she didn't for a special occasion on the busiest day of the week. It's MN that's what people do, they respond, especially on AIBU. It's pretty common to see posters that don't read through a thread (or even OP's updates sometimes) and make their point - which can be irritating to others. I think the responses on here have been pretty mild compared to some threads I have read!

I'm baffled that you didn't book on a Saturday. Yes I know the staff member said no need but even so.

I'd always book even if just me, DH and the kids. To not book for a birthday treat with extended family is bonkers.

How old is this kid? Young enough to want to go bowling with his grandparents but storming off swearing at his mum?

Baffled.

Everybody can read, really. Maybe you need to read between the lines though. She asked if she deserved the reactions, which were an upset and angry child and four grandparents wondering why on earth she didn’t book and an atmosphere for about an hour. Well seem not completely disproportionate for a hard to understand error that has ruined her son’s birthday treat. I think people don’t want to say you deserve it (using the OP’s rather emotive language) but are clearly pointing out that it was a stupid thing to do and yes, was bound to upset and raise eyebrows.