Are you as socially awkward as me?

[nebulash]

I hate how socially awkward I am. I find work social gatherings/conferences painful to endure. I dread them so much. I have no understanding of social ques. I really struggle with chit chat in a group setting. I'm really good with 1 2 1 conversations but if there are more people, I just stand there like a weirdo with nothing to say or add. I absolutely hate myself for being like this. I'm okay with people I am comfortable with but so so awkward and almost mute with others. I do smile (quite a lot), nod or laugh when required or say things like "wow", "yeah, I see what you mean", "that's cool/interesting" and this pretty much sums up my vocabulary. I wouldn't dream of sharing a story or an experience. Although, I wish I could.

I was at a work event yesterday (attendance was mandatory) and hated every minute of being there. It's very hard and embarrassing to admit but I went and hid in the toilet a few times because I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. I struggled with conversing with colleagues I hadn't met before and clients too. They were all much older than me with lots of things in common. They've known each other for 15+ years. I hated being introduced too. I felt so out of place.

I'm late 20's and don't think I'll ever change. I've always been very shy.

Do you think very quite people are weird? Do you feel uncomfortable around socially awkward individuals?

This is me exactly! I'm an introvert and I've come to accept it but at the same time I yearn to be able to converse/socialise like other people but it's so so draining and I can never do it.
Just today I was a kids party with other parents and I'm exhausted from forcing myself to socialise. I also did disappear a few times just to have a break.
Sorry I'm no help but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

I go to a lot of social things. I am pretty social and meet a lot of new people every month. I don't feel uncomfortable around very quiet people, but sometimes if people don't respond to my conversational openings, I move on to someone who does. However, if you say you smile, and nod along, that would be enough for me! The really awkward ones are those who say nothing at all, and look very glum.

It is absolutely exhausting. I was drained at the end of the 8-hour event. I'm getting flashbacks of how I behaved and feel quite embarrassed.

Thanks for posting. 💐

Honestly- I do find it quite rude. It's a real effort to make polite conversation and it should be reciprocated; most mature adults need to learn those skills. You can't go through life avoiding strangers. Ask open questions and be interested in others. Find some common ground, there always is some even if it's the weather, news etc.

I often go to work socials or meet socials, and I’m naturally quite shy so I would find it really difficult and possibly uncomfortable and rude if
you make no effort to interact.

I would try if possible.

Thank you. It's useful to read the perspective of a sociable person.

I wanted always to ask: do different groups of people and occasions , even different teams make you feel always comfortable or awkward or sometimes it feels easier...I find that all variety of situations make me feel comfortable or awkward to vary varying degrees , so I actually never will understand people who say that all events, all people, are all the same to them

I've got news for you, you're doing it right. People love to talk about themselves and they don't want your anecdote. I have ADHD and talk nonstop about myself and interrupt so I leave every social event cringing and ruminate about it for months. I've stopped attending them as a result.

Conversations with 1 or 2 people flow really well. I feel very comfortable. I ask questions and respond perfectly. My struggle is with a larger groups of people. I feel like by the time I have thought of something to say, the conversation has moved on. It's hard to explain.

If, as you say, all the other colleagues knew each other, then I would expect them to make some conversation with you. I would.

I am exactly the same. I wouldn’t even say I’m an introvert. I can be very chatty 1 to 1 or with people/groups I know well. But in social situations when I don’t know people I’m awful. I can’t make small talk, I ask a few questions then just run out of things to say. I smile and nod along but I’m so awkward.
I dread the school run where I might have to make chitchat or work conferences etc I’m just rubbish at social things. Last weekend I had a kids party at a play place. I went and sat in the car after about half an hour because I’d really tried to chat and the other parents just wandered off

It's particularly work events that make me feel super uncomfortable and uneasy. Other events, I'm okay-ish with and don't feel that kind of pressure.

I don't like it either, I always think I will say something stupid - and if I am not there, I can't! I avoid work social events as much as I can.

Another issue is the noise - events can be so loud, I can't actually hear what people are saying, so nodding along and smiling is all I can do. But what's the point? I am sure it's not my hearing that's at fault - but can other people actually hear? Sometimes you don't even need background (or foreground!) music, it's just the noise of everyone talking (shouting).

I hate forced fun with enforced people. Work events are horrible to me. I'm introverted but I think I would feel the same if I weren't. If you have to go, there is a trick where you just ask people about themselves. You can mirror their last sentence back with a question mark to make them keep talking. The overwhelm is real though. At 40, I've realised I'm probably autistic and it's ok to be rubbish at this kind of thing. Just manage yourself and don't be rude.

I am not saying I am the life and soul of the party. But these are my usual small talk gambits which offend no one. I don't ask about DC and partners and such, as obviously that can offend people. I wait for other people to talk about their DC first, unless their DC are on the scene! I also don't bring up politics.

Have you come far?
Lovely weather, isn't it? Or some talk about the weather.
That is a beautiful dress you are wearing. Or I like your bag/ coat/shoes. Everyone loves a compliment.
Have you been with the company long?
How do you know X ( host)?
Anyone watching The Traitors/ Apprentice/ whatever TV show is the rage?
If any DC around, gosh "he/she is so smiley/ clever/good at football/ some sort of compliment, Everybody loves when theier DC are complimented.

They were mostly discussing topics that they know a lot about i.e. football, management stuff, specific industry training schemes, politics - I unfortunately know very little about all of these.

You probably have autism

This! You've described me. Although, work events/conferences are my biggest struggle.

Oh god. I would probably know nothing about the first three things. I know a lot about politics, but these days I don't talk about politics, as everything is so polarised. In this situation, I would probably say " I know nothing about this training scheme. Please explain it to me if you can".

I am not sure I would leap to an autism diagnosis when the subjects are so specific and dull!

I feel awkward directing questions to specific individuals in a group setting. I always worry, they'll think "why on earth is she asking me in particular and not the rest?".

As you've perfectly said the overwhelm is real.

I'm the same and I dread being put into situations like this. Making forced conversation with people exhausts me and like you I can be ok 1-1 but more people and it's overwhelming and I can sometimes go mute.

Thank you. Good ideas.

Thanks for sharing. I feel less alone in my experience.

I feel exactly the same! I honestly try and avoid all work social events when I can and if I make myself go I feel burnt out, depressed and anxious for days after! I just replay the whole thing and think that everyone must think I'm rude/weird even though I try my best. I do think that it is more my perception though as when I spoke to a colleague about this she was really shocked and said I always seem fine.

Really?