Are you as socially awkward as me?

[nebulash]

I hate how socially awkward I am. I find work social gatherings/conferences painful to endure. I dread them so much. I have no understanding of social ques. I really struggle with chit chat in a group setting. I'm really good with 1 2 1 conversations but if there are more people, I just stand there like a weirdo with nothing to say or add. I absolutely hate myself for being like this. I'm okay with people I am comfortable with but so so awkward and almost mute with others. I do smile (quite a lot), nod or laugh when required or say things like "wow", "yeah, I see what you mean", "that's cool/interesting" and this pretty much sums up my vocabulary. I wouldn't dream of sharing a story or an experience. Although, I wish I could.

I was at a work event yesterday (attendance was mandatory) and hated every minute of being there. It's very hard and embarrassing to admit but I went and hid in the toilet a few times because I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. I struggled with conversing with colleagues I hadn't met before and clients too. They were all much older than me with lots of things in common. They've known each other for 15+ years. I hated being introduced too. I felt so out of place.

I'm late 20's and don't think I'll ever change. I've always been very shy.

Do you think very quite people are weird? Do you feel uncomfortable around socially awkward individuals?

Thank you so much everyone for the suggestions and advice. And for sharing your stories too.💐

I too used to get crippled with social anxiety in groups with people I don't know. As I've got older I've learnt to manage situations a bit, to minimise the damage to my mental health. Definitely don't lean on alcohol to help! That was a big lesson for me socially!!

For work type events, I am so much better if I have a "role" so I now always offer to help out, so I've got a crutch something to focus on, and reason to talk to people/ask questions and it SO helps the conversation to flow. I then even find the people in the room who also are a bit socially awkward then gravitate towards me, because I make sure I'm open and welcoming and that others are feeling comfortable. I am so bloody jealous of people who can do this really naturally, just walk into a room of people and effortlessly make conversation, and move between people, knowing how to join an exisiting conversation and when not to, and more importantly how to say goodbyes and leave. It's torturous and exhausting.

I am so bloody jealous of people who can do this really naturally, just walk into a room of people and effortlessly make conversation, and move between people, knowing how to join an exisiting conversation and when not to, and more importantly how to say goodbyes and leave. It's torturous and exhausting.

I can do this now, but I couldn't do this in my twenties, like the OP. It's a learned skil over years. I have changed because of certain circumstances that meant I had to. I have also learnt how to do public speaking to hundreds, because I have had to as part of my job. I used to be terrified of it. I learnt.

A useful thing to remember is that in reality, nobody is thinking about you. Right now everyone is thinking about the CoL and wondering how expensive Lurpak has got! If I meet a quiet person, I give them maybe 30 seconds of thought. I never think they are weird, or rude, or anything much. I may think" Oh, she's a bit quiet" or " Probably having a bad day". It's a fleeting thought, at most.*

An 8 hour session sounds exhausting for everyone! Both the extroverts and introverts.

This made me laugh in recognition OP! The hiding in the toilets! I’ve done that, or go out ‘for air’ to get a break from it.

I think your behaviour was quite normal. It sounds like quite a challenging social environment for anyone. Full of people who knew each other well, who were catching up, eight hours long! I’m not surprised that was hard.

I’m early 50s now and I find these events much easier now, and you probably will as you go through life too. And I’m also ok when I find no-one to speak too either, I don’t blame myself anymore. I was at an even the other day where everyone was in groups, all knew each other. And that was ok. I didn’t see that as me failing. I went for a walk at the break, and at lunch at the table chatted to people next to me, or listened to others chatting.

i prefer chatting one to one or in very small groups of three or four. Large groups are not my thing. That’s ok too.

Yes, it absolutely improves with age! Or you cease caring.

Sorry for all the typos and punctuation errors in my post. Was typing too fast.

My Mum used a phrase "practice the art of polite conversation" (mainly when we complained our dinner was too hot) which does make the point that it is an art form, something which comes easier to some than others, and some enjoy more than others. It is also something that has techniques you can learn.

Can you imagine the elderly people in the care home having these sorts of problems?😆

I'm just like you OP, great one to one but absolutely atrocious with a group of people (unless alcohol is consumed, but that's no solution)

I'm 40 though and I've realised as I've got older that noone notices. Everyone's far too busy trying to think of their own responses to notice that you've not said much, so I've stopped worrying about it.

And as a result I've got chattier, it's as if once that horrible thought of "Oh god, I can't think of anything to say, they're all going to think I'm weird!", there was suddenly room in my brain to actually think of things to say!

Honestly OP, I think lots of people aren't very good at socialising tbh. You can be chatty and confident and still not be good at socialising.

I've discovered the amount of people who lap up questions about themselves and not reciprocate is quite astounding.

I might feel shy on the inside, and overthink those work interactions, but my god I do a better job than many cofident "extroverted" types.

This is just my experience.