Unrealistic expectations of 8 year old?

[BoyMamma2]

feel like an AH right now for being annoyed at almost 9 year old and wondering if my expectations are unrealistic.
Out today and he’s eating ice cream with his fingers . He can use a knife and fork but prefers not to. Every Single Meal since he’s been 3 I’ve reminded him not to use his fingers. Every Single Time!
Evert night his room is a disaster . I don’t expect him to clean but I do ask he doesn’t leave clothes on the floor. I’ve been asking this for 2 year but he’s never once picked any up. We have fabric car seats and I have asked him repeatedly not to stand on them to climb out. I feel that I spend my days repeating myself.

am I unreasonable to expect an almost 9!year old to do these things? Sick of moaning and wonder if I should just ignore these thing till he’s older. He’s no learning difficulties.

You don’t remind an 8 yr old to not use his fingers to eat, you stop him.
Never known an 8 yr old to not have a floordrobe though.

Ice cream from a bowl? To be honest, I'd just remove it if he's eating it with his hands. Is he just scooping it up?

Some of it is typical, like a little floordrobe, though I'm sure some Mumsnetters will say their children have immaculate rooms from 18 months and understand the importance of Marie kondo-ing.

Eating ice-cream with hands, never picking any clothes up when asked, eating with hands because he'd rather not use a knife and fork, choosing to climb all over the car seats when told not to isn't typical for a 9 year old. Nobody expects a 9 year old to be perfectly behaved all the time, but it sounds like he's doing what he's been allowed to do.

Yanbu

Yea, he was scooping it up from a bowl in a restaurant . He literally will eat anything with his fingers. I did considering removing his meal whenever he did it but seemed cruel to leave him hungry.
The thing is he genuinely doesn’t seem to do it intentionally but like he doesn’t have a thought process. Which makes me wonder if he’s too young to have developed those skills.

My 9 yo tidies his room on a Saturday so it can get a little messy during the week but we have so much on we've decided it works best just to have a decent reset at the weekend. He puts his clothes in the hamper every night though and puts things he will wear again on his chair.

I would take the ice cream off him if he was eating with his hands, at 9yo I think it is reasonable to expect basic table manners.

Climbing on the car seats? After being asked once there would be consequences for not listening.

He's not going to be hungry from not having ice cream.

Which makes me wonder if he’s too young to have developed those skills.

If you think that then you need to push for an assessment. Eating with cutlery is a basic social skill.

@LolaSmiles don’t expect perfection but he’s told not to every single time. I’m struggling to get through.

@CuntRYMusicStar what consequences are suitable for a 9 year old? I say no but apart from losing my rag after the 200th time I don’t really know what else to do,

Does he eat it with a spoon once you remind him? My 8 year old will use her fingers as much as possible but will pick up cutlery for anything messy.

No, but it’s not just ice cream. Spag bog at dinner for example.

@AhBiscuits Yes, he does. He is slower with cutlery but he can use perfectly well. I expect he’s slow with it due to his reluctance to use it.

I have a 9yo DD - she has a floorobe - & does need reminders to put clean clothes away but does put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
She does not eat ice cream with her fingers, she uses a spoon. My DS who is nearly 6 also uses a spoon. I would take it away or not buy it if they continued doing that.

My 7 year old has been eating with a knife and fork since she was 3 (as has her 10yo sister), and giving it a good go since well before that. If I knew there were no additional needs in place, I would be quite intolerant of basic manners being ignored like that.

Their bedroom is a fucking tip though 😁 it's easier to keep clean if they have fewer things. We had a big clear out a while ago and that helped. 7yo is terrible at putting things in the wash basket, 10yo is better.

I think kids do often resort to fingers when they can’t be bothered, but that’s with a knife. An almost 9 year old trying to eat ice cream with their hands is just plain weird. Especially in a restaurant. Can he explain why he does it? And why on earth do you let him?

My 8 year old helps me tidy and does loads around the house but at this age you do have to ask regularly. And floordrobe is universal.

No useful advice but my ND son with learning difficulties also eats with his hands at every opportunity. it’s VERY trying, so you have my sympathy. I literally need to sit and put the form back in his hand for every single mouthful 🙄 he does have poor hand muscles though due to sensory issues meaning he never played with playdough/sand/pencils etc, is your son ok in these areas?

You could try just giving him finger food as he eats with his fingers.

If he wants other stuff then give it, but provide something like a spoon to begin with. Then remove the ice cream or whatever, if the spoon isn't used and return the finger food.

Is he okay with writing, sports etc at school ie no one has picked up on issues with fine motor skills, co-ordination etc.

Never heard of a floorobe before lol.

Tbh a nearly 9 year old who doesn’t use cutlery is very odd! I just wouldn’t tolerate it I’m afraid. As for trying to eat ice cream with his fingers??? I can’t even get my head around that! I would whipped that bowl away faster than he could blink!

Putting his feet on the car seat - a stern telling off every single time. Tell him he will be back in a baby seat if he carries on.

Clothes on the floor - well I have a 15 year old….. nuff said 😩

Eating with his hands could be a sensory thing, or it could be because he genuinely struggles to use cutlery and finds it uncomfortable or unnatural.

I wouldn't be too quick to write it off as bad behaviour, especially if he does it everywhere.

@BoyMamma2 consequences are whatever works for you. My ds loses electronics time or has a time out or doesn't get to do something. If he climbed on the seat when I was taking him somewhere he wanted to go we wouldn't go if it was happening persistently.

Honestly, at 9 and if NT they are old enough to understand not to do it because they've been told not to.

I would say most dc in the class, even summer borns who won't be 9 til August consistently use cutlery and understand how to behave in the car, I don't know how tidy they all are!

@Semeliner I don’t let him. As soon a I said his name he knew what I was going to say and picked up the spoon. He finished it with the spoon. It’s the constant reminding him that’s exhausting me.

My ds is 12 now and this thread has reminded me that I haven't had to remind him to use a knife and fork properly for a long while. It must have stopped at some point.... but for so bloody long he would pick-up food with his fingers, or not bother to cut something up (like a sausage) and eat it off the fork whole like Henry the eighth at a banquet 😂

He did manage to eat properly in front of others though for the most part. And I don't remember him doing it with things like ice cream or mash. But I might have blocked that out. He did used to put vinegar on all sorts though which raised a few eyebrows.

I used to remind him constantly to eat properly and took his dinner off him when he wasn't until I guess he finally got the message.

Your DS will hopefully grow out of it, but I would start getting stricter about good table manners in the hope he will finally just do it properly....

With the floordrobe, do you get him to do it when you see it? So you say, "those need to go in the laundry basket, go and do it now," or even just "pass me those t shirts so I can put them back in the drawer."

Or do you just sigh and do it yourself?

I can’t believe you let him do this. That’s disgusting manners. And you’ve been telling him for two years to pick his clothes up but he never does. Honestly it sounds like a parenting problem.