An old friend of mine is getting married soon. We don't know each other well anymore but used to be close (school). We meet up maybe once every year or couple of years and send "big life event" news in a group chat.
Me (and several others from our old friendship group) are all invited to her wedding in a a couple of months which is very nice. However, the invite has only mine and DHs name on but not DS' (who will be 19 months at the time)
She doesn't have her own children but from what I've known of her she always seemed to like children and being around them. She has a big family with lots of children etc. I know that child-free weddings are becoming more common but she really would never strike me as being a person who would have one. Obviously I don't know her as well as I once did but I would be genuinely amazed if there were no children there.
Im also surprised because several of our friendship group have young children (some babies in arms age) and it's not been mentioned at any point prior to this.
The problem is, going without DS makes things much more difficult. It's several hours drive away in quite a remote place. She's my friend primarily so if only one of us went it would be me, but I don't drive so getting there is going to be difficult if DH isn't there driving. I could get a train but it still wouldn't get me very close so I'd have to get quite a long taxi too which is going to be expensive.
Obviously we could both go and leave DS with someone. However, DS is very anxious and quite sensitive and gets upset without us there. We have built up to the point he can stay with his grandparents for a few hours alone while we go out but him staying overnight without us is likely going to be difficult.
Separation anxiety aside, he's not the easiest sleeper. Once asleep he always sleeps right through the night but getting him to sleep takes a long time (often upwards of an hour). We do not want to sleep train. While hour long bedtimes aren't ideal, he's otherwise good and so it's just one of those things at the moment. I just feel like asking my parents to spend potentially hours trying to get him to sleep is a bit unfair on them. But I wouldn't want him being left to cry either.
I do think we could sort something to make it work if needs be and I do want to go to be there with her and share her day. She is within her rights to have any kind of wedding she wants. I'm not complaining if that's what she has decided.
However DH thinks it's likely that she's made a mistake and expects that we will be bringing DS. He thinks perhaps she couldn't remember his name (she could have checked back on the group chat though) or something. He thinks I should ask and confirm. I don't what to as I feel I'll be putting her on the spot.
However, if we say nothing and do all this sorting to make it work and it turns out DS was always invited it will admittedly be a bit annoying and I will regret not mentioning it.
I just feel we have no choice because it's too rude to ask. In my opinion, wedding invitations are written out very purposefully.