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AIBU?

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Original poster

thirst trap facebook reels?

83 replies

Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:21

hiya, since i've had access to my partners accounts/social media i have noticed over the past year these sexual/thirst traps on his facebook reels.

i have spoke to him about it loads of times, even had some nasty arguments over it and he denys ever looking at any of that stuff. we had a recent argument over it about a week ago and i have gone on his facebook and they are still showing.

i'm am struggling with trusting him or the algorithm of these reels. i am currently 38 weeks pregnant and we have a 2 year old, it is quite simply hurting my self esteem/confidence a lot.

i have no idea where he would get the time to look or even possibly yano... over these videos since we are together 24/7 besides when he is at work and he isn't allowed his phone besides breaks where he is messaging me.

i am sick of the same arguments over it, i dont know what to do, is it him or is facebook literally bugged out?! he has also deleted fb a few times to 'ease' my mind but recently got it back to look at cars etc.

OP posts:
YoureWinningAtLife · 13/03/2024 10:32

i have no idea where he would get the time to look or even possibly yano... over these videos since we are together 24/7

Then why is it an issue & why don’t you trust him?

moderate · 13/03/2024 10:36

So to clarify: you are “going on his Facebook” and looking at these reels, and the algorithm is learning accordingly, but this is his fault?

BoohooWoohoo · 13/03/2024 10:39

Do you always get relevant Facebook reels content ?
Mine sometimes shows me content that I’m not interested in like football or dancing young women because it’s presumably popular rather than because it thinks I will like watching it.
I feel sorry for your partner having very little free time though.

BoohooWoohoo · 13/03/2024 10:41

Op is right. By watching his reels, you are encouraging more thirst trap content. Leave his phone alone.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/03/2024 10:42

If you are repeatedly clicking these reels on his FB then you're "teaching" the algorithm that it needs to show them...

You also sound overbearing. Constantly checking his phone, spending all your time with him when he's not at work. Even when he's AT work his breaks are taken up messaging you...

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 13/03/2024 10:43

That's really not cool, OP. Red flag from you.

  1. Stay off his Facebook and give him some privacy
  2. Facebook reels are targeted based on age, gender, and location. Not that you should be trawling through someone else's social media in the first place
  3. This is how you end up destroying a relationship. Is that what you want?
Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:46

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/03/2024 10:42

If you are repeatedly clicking these reels on his FB then you're "teaching" the algorithm that it needs to show them...

You also sound overbearing. Constantly checking his phone, spending all your time with him when he's not at work. Even when he's AT work his breaks are taken up messaging you...

overbearing? constantly? i haven't looked in ages! he has previously lied to me before about this stuff, how can you even assume that about me from one post?

OP posts:
Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:48

YoureWinningAtLife · 13/03/2024 10:32

i have no idea where he would get the time to look or even possibly yano... over these videos since we are together 24/7

Then why is it an issue & why don’t you trust him?

because he has done this before in the past after the birth of our first child..

OP posts:
Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:49

moderate · 13/03/2024 10:36

So to clarify: you are “going on his Facebook” and looking at these reels, and the algorithm is learning accordingly, but this is his fault?

this has been the first time i have looked in awhile, surely if he was watching them they wouldn't appear anyway?

all i am asking is for some reassurance, i don't know why everyone is slating me. he is not a very good communicator and has done this before.

OP posts:
moderate · 13/03/2024 10:49

Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:48

because he has done this before in the past after the birth of our first child..

Show quote history

Has he actually done it, or did you just make the same assumptions?

Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:50

BoohooWoohoo · 13/03/2024 10:39

Do you always get relevant Facebook reels content ?
Mine sometimes shows me content that I’m not interested in like football or dancing young women because it’s presumably popular rather than because it thinks I will like watching it.
I feel sorry for your partner having very little free time though.

you're missing my point. he has free time... i am a stay at home mother, he works comes home and sits on the sofa all day. why is my relationship up for debate?! how is that even relevant to what im asking..

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 13/03/2024 10:52

Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:46

overbearing? constantly? i haven't looked in ages! he has previously lied to me before about this stuff, how can you even assume that about me from one post?

Show quote history

Because in your OP you use phrases like
"i have noticed over the past year", "i have spoke to him about it loads of times", " had some nasty arguments over it" "they are still showing."

which makes it sound like a constant thing, not a one-off.

YouveGotAFastCar · 13/03/2024 10:52

You have no trust in your relationship.

Rightly or wrongly, it's doomed.

Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:54

YouveGotAFastCar · 13/03/2024 10:52

You have no trust in your relationship.

Rightly or wrongly, it's doomed.

again how can you assume that off of one post? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 you people are insane. can't even ask a question 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
MarmaladeOrangey · 13/03/2024 10:55

He would have had to have watched at least a few for them to keep coming up. The first may be thrown up by FB but for them to keep coming he would have had to look at them.

Being with each other 24/7 means nothing. 25 year marriage, working with my husband and living with him, he had a very active porn addiction which I knew nothing about. All on his phone (which I never checked)

I am not saying this is him, of course, what I'm saying is that being with them all the time means nothing, sadly.

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 13/03/2024 10:56

Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:49

this has been the first time i have looked in awhile, surely if he was watching them they wouldn't appear anyway?

all i am asking is for some reassurance, i don't know why everyone is slating me. he is not a very good communicator and has done this before.

Show quote history

That's not how trust works. If you only trust your partner after searching through his phone, then asking a bunch of strangers if what you're seeing is ok, then PP is correct - the relationship is doomed.

OneTC · 13/03/2024 10:58

Yes. Instagram and Facebook both show me an unreasonable amount of fairly naked women that cannot really be explained by the things that I follow or regularly engage with on those or other platforms. I think a large part of it's algorithm is:

MALE Y/N? IF ANSWER IS Y GOTO: PORN

And it would be on the most part a fairly efficient algorithm

DrJoanAllenby · 13/03/2024 10:58

Your relationship stands a very good chance of failing -

'since we are together 24/7'

It must be incredibly stifling for him when he comes home from work and is with you constantly.

NotThoseKindOfEggs · 13/03/2024 10:58

🍿

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/03/2024 10:58

Ye you didn't mention there were cheating issues in the past

You've just mentioned checking at least twice in the past week. And enought times over the year for all the arguments.

And then him spending 24/7 with you outside of work, where he texts you. That's overbearing.

moderate · 13/03/2024 10:58

Quackidy · 13/03/2024 10:49

this has been the first time i have looked in awhile, surely if he was watching them they wouldn't appear anyway?

all i am asking is for some reassurance, i don't know why everyone is slating me. he is not a very good communicator and has done this before.

Show quote history

No, what you're asking for is uncritical validation.

Most people reassured you that your partner's feed is not evidence of wrongdoing, but pointed out that your description of your own actions is.

You didn't like that at all.

Are you sure that you yourself are such a good communicator?

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 13/03/2024 10:59

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 13/03/2024 10:58

Ye you didn't mention there were cheating issues in the past

You've just mentioned checking at least twice in the past week. And enought times over the year for all the arguments.

And then him spending 24/7 with you outside of work, where he texts you. That's overbearing.

I'm not sure if she's talking about cheating or videos she doesn't like on Facebook.

I strongly suspect the latter.

Original poster
Quackidy · 13/03/2024 11:00

@YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty
i asked if it was him watching it or if it was facebook being messed up. i didn't ask for everyone's assumed opinions on it my relation was doomed or not, you're not in a place to judge that.

OP posts:
MarmaladeOrangey · 13/03/2024 11:01

I do understand where the posters saying about trust are coming from.
After everything I have been though I will never blindly trust again. I never ever checked my husbands phone, I wish I had done, he was on it so much and I blindly trusted he would never break my trust. I could have got out of this hell hole of a relationship decades ago had I just been a bit less naive.

I trusted my husband 100%, I thought he'd never hurt me. I thought we were a team.

I'm not advocating constantly checking up on your partner, however if there is something making you uneasy your partner should be able to show you his phone to put your mind at rest. It is a mine field.

ellyoctober · 13/03/2024 11:02

"i have no idea where he would get the time to look or even possibly yano... over these videos since we are together 24/7 besides"

What does YANO mean, I've looked on the acronyms list but can't see it.