To be upset at being called milk machine

[PeachShark]

MIL has referred to me as milk machine twice.
On one hand she generally has no filter and this could be just seen as her odd sense of humour.
On the other hand she doesn’t like me taking DS when he is due a feed and will try to comfort him herself - ignore me when I say he’s due a feed or tell me to give him a minute - then when I come to take him says “where’s the milk machine, milk machine he wants milk” feels to me as if she doesn’t want to acknowledge that maybe DS wants his mummy and I am more than just a bloody milk bottle to my child?

Do you reckon it’s loaded? Or am I reading too much into an innocent but not so nice joke…

Not nice. It's the sort of phrase which could be called 'dehumanising'.

Older generations say some weird shit

And they it's fine when it's absolutely not to every other generation

Apart from telling her to stop make sure you say 'come to mummy' etc when you take your DS (whether for a feed or for comfort or just because you want to cuddle your baby.

Could it be she'd secretly prefer it if you were formula feeding so granny could be more involved in feeds and overnight visits?

Let me guess, she formula fed or used formula after a few weeks?

I'd ham it up and do a dalek impression, saying 'MILK MACHINE MUST FEED HUMAN INFANT' every time she does it, waving little dalek arms for the baby, be so annoying and over the top that she stops :)

Just tell her. Everytime she says it, just say ´Don’t call me that.’ And then walk off with your baby. No please. No explanation. No shouting. Just straight face, serious voice, and walk away.

Or I'd say 'could a machine do THIS?' and squirt milk into a cup three metres away

I wouldn’t bother at all at that and is something I’d probably say about myself when with a newborn. Unless there’s a massive back story I would interpret it as she’s acknowledging that you are the one to feed your baby and fulfil what they need most right now.

Sorry, breastfeeding would absolutely not be for me, but I think she's an absolute raging bitch!!! to be saying that.
I'm sorry OP.

How rude. Tell her you don’t like it.

People of all ages say weird shit.
Younger people sometimes say a lot of ageist shit, for example.

@LittleOwl153 Yeah there’s no excuses really is there. She gets away with casually insulting people on the basis that it’s said in a jokey way and “that’s just the way she is.”

@ErrolTheDragon it absolutely feels dehumanising. Like an effort to devalue my role as his mother.

@NotNowNorman nail on the head. The latest was “now that he’s on solids I’ll just mash up a banana and feed it to him as not to disturb you” and insisting that she must be able to rock him to sleep so that I don’t need to feed him to sleep.

@NoCloudsAllowed would you believe she exclusively breastfed her two children for 2 years! Makes it all the more mind boggling. Would love to see her face at the robo impression 😂 knowing her I actually think she’d enjoy it weirdly 😅

@Wholettherabbitsout I really know I need to grow a pair and do this but I don’t know what comes over me, it’s like I can’t stand up for myself in her company - basically nobody challenges her ever

Sounds like its just a wry joke about how it is right now. I dont interpret it as rude or unpleasant, just a sort of 'poor mum, shes like a milk machine at the moment'.

I suppose if you look for offence its there

The milk machine comment I'd just let slide, it's a bit weird but baby's not going to take her on and start seeing you that way, don't worry.

The other stuff - not giving you the baby back - I'd nip in the bud. Just take baby, no protests, no "oh I'll just...". A swift "no thanks" and take him back. Get DH to have a word if there are any issues. Not your problem.

I'd see this as a joke, but there is context and backstory that needs to be considered as to whether you would

“Okay, MIL, I’ve told you before I don’t like being called a Milk Machine. How about this? If you do it ever again… and I really mean this, so don’t deliberately misunderstand me - You will not be welcome around me or my baby anymore.”

Start referring to your dh as the sperm donor... My mil seethed every time I fed ds. And I had 3 in 3 years.. We never had a good relationship!! Same as you.
She would walk off shushing a screaming hungry ds.. Like gdm had magic fucking arms.

Totally out of order. Yes, many people who have bottled fed their babies are very jealous of those who succeed in BF, and will make such comments. I'd tell her you truly do not appreciate it, and either she stops, or contact will be reduced.

"I really know I need to grow a pair and do this but I don’t know what comes over me, it’s like I can’t stand up for myself in her company - basically nobody challenges her ever"

I would strongly advise you to stand your ground now because if you don't, you're setting yourself up for years of this behaviour. Tell her not to call you 'milk machine' as it's disrespectful. Take the baby out of her arms and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not to feed the baby anything at all unless you've agreed to it.

Nobody challenges her because they're all afraid of her so she says and does whatever she likes. If you stand up to her, she'll probably have hysterics and call you names or try to get the family to rally around her. Ignore her ploys and insist that your DH backs you up. It might seem easier to 'let it go' but if you don't tackle it now, it will become worse.

Wow, I would hate that! Can you come up with a name for her? Robotwat?

YANBU. Just answer her back every time. ‘MIL, I’m not a milk machine, I’m his mother and he needs me.’

And minimise how much time you spend with her. How often do you see her?

“Nanny’s a stupid old bat isn’t she, darling? Stupid old bat… Stupid old bat….”

I think it must be the relationship more than the comment. It’s not a bad comment imo. But it depends who it comes from and what the intentions were. I’d be miffed if it were my SIL, as she’s always making judgy, loaded comments. Not if it were my MIL though as she’s always been kind to me

I thought you were my SIL then until you said he.. mine was the same, I just ignored her but I hated it. She didn't like that I breastfed, I think she formula fed hers